I think I'm bisexual but my boyfriend would break up with me
Which isn't such a big deal I guess and I'm fairly sure I am like I've always found girls attractive and been turned on by girls bodies etc and I randomly had a sex dream about me and a girl last night so I guess that really confirmed it for me
But the problem is I have a current boyfriend (2 years) and when I asked him what he would do if I was bi ('hypothetically'), he said he'd probably break up with me. And that's a big problem because I think I am bi. I spoke to him in further and detail and I think I convinced him that me being bi wouldn't mean I wouldn't love him the same, he wouldn't have to 'share me' (idk where he got that from) etc. but now I'm worried that if I was to tell him that he'd break up with me.
I also guess I don't know if I'm completely bi, like I am sexually attracted to girls but I don't know if I'd ever have a relationship with a girl, or actually be sexually active with a girl.
So yeah, any advice or thoughts? Do I tell him how I feel or should I leave it because I'm not sure?
But the problem is I have a current boyfriend (2 years) and when I asked him what he would do if I was bi ('hypothetically'), he said he'd probably break up with me. And that's a big problem because I think I am bi. I spoke to him in further and detail and I think I convinced him that me being bi wouldn't mean I wouldn't love him the same, he wouldn't have to 'share me' (idk where he got that from) etc. but now I'm worried that if I was to tell him that he'd break up with me.
I also guess I don't know if I'm completely bi, like I am sexually attracted to girls but I don't know if I'd ever have a relationship with a girl, or actually be sexually active with a girl.
So yeah, any advice or thoughts? Do I tell him how I feel or should I leave it because I'm not sure?
Are you the right girl (?) for him? More importantly, is he the right boy for you?
Sounds like a problem that doesn't have a particularly elegant solution.
Sounds like a problem that doesn't have a particularly elegant solution.
Original post by Anonymous
Which isn't such a big deal I guess and I'm fairly sure I am like I've always found girls attractive and been turned on by girls bodies etc and I randomly had a sex dream about me and a girl last night so I guess that really confirmed it for me
But the problem is I have a current boyfriend (2 years) and when I asked him what he would do if I was bi ('hypothetically'
, he said he'd probably break up with me. And that's a big problem because I think I am bi. I spoke to him in further and detail and I think I convinced him that me being bi wouldn't mean I wouldn't love him the same, he wouldn't have to 'share me' (idk where he got that from) etc. but now I'm worried that if I was to tell him that he'd break up with me.
I also guess I don't know if I'm completely bi, like I am sexually attracted to girls but I don't know if I'd ever have a relationship with a girl, or actually be sexually active with a girl.
So yeah, any advice or thoughts? Do I tell him how I feel or should I leave it because I'm not sure?
But the problem is I have a current boyfriend (2 years) and when I asked him what he would do if I was bi ('hypothetically'
, he said he'd probably break up with me. And that's a big problem because I think I am bi. I spoke to him in further and detail and I think I convinced him that me being bi wouldn't mean I wouldn't love him the same, he wouldn't have to 'share me' (idk where he got that from) etc. but now I'm worried that if I was to tell him that he'd break up with me. I also guess I don't know if I'm completely bi, like I am sexually attracted to girls but I don't know if I'd ever have a relationship with a girl, or actually be sexually active with a girl.
So yeah, any advice or thoughts? Do I tell him how I feel or should I leave it because I'm not sure?
Why don't you just tell him? If he truly loves you then he shouldn't care. It's better if he finds out from you as soon as, then him finding out in an alternative manner (which could destroy the relationship). Just fully explain what being bi actually is, and I seriously doubt that he'd break up with you at the end of the conversation.
He's not a very good boyfriend if you tell him something derply personal about your identity and he breaks up with you for it. I think people always worry about bisexuality opening more doors for people in terms of the pool of datable people, but if he trusts you that shouldn't be a problem. In fact, if anything he should be flattered that of all the girls and boys in the world, you chose him!
However, perhaps before you tell him have a little research into yourself and how maybe to inform him. Make sure you're confident in yourself when you tell him, and hopefully then he'll feel confident in you too ^_^
However, perhaps before you tell him have a little research into yourself and how maybe to inform him. Make sure you're confident in yourself when you tell him, and hopefully then he'll feel confident in you too ^_^
If he'd break up a 2 year relationship over that he's stupid and immature. While he may not be happy about it and might have preconceived ideas of what being with a bi girl means I think you can probably talk him out of most of his fears which are basically just coming from not understanding.
If you're in a relationship with a boy why would would you feel the need to explore and even acknowledge any bisexuality in you? If you're happy in your current relationship then why try to stir things up with something that, assuming you're dedicated to him, can only suggest you don't feel right in this relationship. Of course he's going to be concerned if you start randomly talking about being bisexual, because you're already in a relationship and it's with him.
If he doesn't love you and accept you for being attracted to women, and you have to conceal it, I'd say you should, long term find someone else. I think if he really loved you he would embrace this.
Original post by Persipan
Well, by that logic, if you aren't bi and are straight then does he have to 'share you' with all other men? He's falling into that weird assumption that people who are bi must also be unfaithful (or tempted), which makes no sense whatsoever when you think about it.
I said exactly that to him
If he'd genuinely break up with you over something like that, he doesn't sound like the right person to be with. But in general, if you do tell him, I'd expect any reasonable individual to at least talk through the concerns with you first, so maybe you'd be able to reassure him in that case?
My first thought if my GF told me "I'm bi" would be "GET IN, threesomes here I come!". Just sayin'.
Original post by Anonymous
If you're in a relationship with a boy why would would you feel the need to explore and even acknowledge any bisexuality in you? If you're happy in your current relationship then why try to stir things up with something that, assuming you're dedicated to him, can only suggest you don't feel right in this relationship. Of course he's going to be concerned if you start randomly talking about being bisexual, because you're already in a relationship and it's with him.
This doesn't really make sense... Considering I've had these feelings long before I ever met him? It's not like I'm suddenly unhappy with him and thinking about going to women instead, or suddenly deciding that I'm bisexual just for fun. I 'feel the need to explore and even acknowledge any bisexuality' in me, because that's who I am and I feel the need to explore and acknowledge myself? Why wouldn't I want to know more about who I am and how I feel.
Furthermore, I wouldn't be 'stirring' anything, I would just be realising myself and realising my sexuality, I'm not just making it up for fun to make him feel uncomfortable. Moreover, your last sentence doesn't make sense because being bisexual just means one is interested in both sexes, and being heterosexual means one is interested in the opposite sex. You wouldn't be worried if your partner announced they're heterosexual and start assuming they're checking out every single other person of your sex? Being bisexual =/= Cheater
Overall I found your comment unhelpful and it didn't make much sense.
Original post by Anonymous
If you're in a relationship with a boy why would would you feel the need to explore and even acknowledge any bisexuality in you? If you're happy in your current relationship then why try to stir things up with something that, assuming you're dedicated to him, can only suggest you don't feel right in this relationship. Of course he's going to be concerned if you start randomly talking about being bisexual, because you're already in a relationship and it's with him.
Why should identity be repressed?
Secrets, especially emotionally heavy ones, in a relationship are to be avoided...
Original post by WoodyMKC
My first thought if my GF told me "I'm bi" would be "GET IN, threesomes here I come!". Just sayin'.
I think that was his third thought after 'sharing me' and there being more opportunity for me to cheat on him with more people.
Original post by rockrunride
Why should identity be repressed?
Secrets, especially emotionally heavy ones, in a relationship are to be avoided...
Secrets, especially emotionally heavy ones, in a relationship are to be avoided...
I strongly agree with this and don't think the comment they made made much sense or was very considerate
Original post by Supersaps
This might be somewhat against the grain, however, do you need to tell him about this? Discretion is the better part of valour in many cases.
Do I tell my wife about every single woman I find attractive? Of course not. Why mention it? What benefit does it bring? I'm not going to do anything about it so why discuss it?
If you stop fancying him, it's a different matter entirely but simply to tell him that you find other girls attractive doesn't bring any benefit to him or the relationship except to satisfy your desire to tell him.
SS
Do I tell my wife about every single woman I find attractive? Of course not. Why mention it? What benefit does it bring? I'm not going to do anything about it so why discuss it?
If you stop fancying him, it's a different matter entirely but simply to tell him that you find other girls attractive doesn't bring any benefit to him or the relationship except to satisfy your desire to tell him.
SS
This does make sense and I do agree to some extent but is it beneficial to conceal part of who I am from him? Or would it be worth it just so he doesn't get worried.
The right person wouldn't care. Be honest with him
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
>OP, I think that you will find that, if honest, most women could be considered bisexual. This has been scientifically written about. Most women (I'll not speak for all because I don't want a backlash here) can find another woman sexually attractive. They can appreciate a sexy or fit body and consider another female 'hot'. They can even feel aroused by this. The question comes into whether or not one wants to act upon those feelings. The girls I've talked to have all admitted this (which in full disclosure has only been about 5) but none of them had the actual desire to touch or be touched, or have sex, with another woman. You can certainly do with your feelings and desires what you want, and unless you're married neither your boyfriend nor anyone else gets a vote. It might change the dynamic of your relationship with your boyfriend though and that is a reality you'd have to face. He does get a say in the type of relationship that works for him to be in....just as you get a say in what works for you. Just know that what you're feeling is normal among females and doesn't necessarily make you bi unless the actual act is what you want to do. If you don't feel like you want to act upon your thoughts then they are just that....thoughts....that you can keep to yourself if you choose. Good Luck.
Original post by Anonymous
This doesn't really make sense... Considering I've had these feelings long before I ever met him? It's not like I'm suddenly unhappy with him and thinking about going to women instead, or suddenly deciding that I'm bisexual just for fun. I 'feel the need to explore and even acknowledge any bisexuality' in me, because that's who I am and I feel the need to explore and acknowledge myself? Why wouldn't I want to know more about who I am and how I feel.
Furthermore, I wouldn't be 'stirring' anything, I would just be realising myself and realising my sexuality, I'm not just making it up for fun to make him feel uncomfortable. Moreover, your last sentence doesn't make sense because being bisexual just means one is interested in both sexes, and being heterosexual means one is interested in the opposite sex. You wouldn't be worried if your partner announced they're heterosexual and start assuming they're checking out every single other person of your sex? Being bisexual =/= Cheater
Overall I found your comment unhelpful and it didn't make much sense.
Furthermore, I wouldn't be 'stirring' anything, I would just be realising myself and realising my sexuality, I'm not just making it up for fun to make him feel uncomfortable. Moreover, your last sentence doesn't make sense because being bisexual just means one is interested in both sexes, and being heterosexual means one is interested in the opposite sex. You wouldn't be worried if your partner announced they're heterosexual and start assuming they're checking out every single other person of your sex? Being bisexual =/= Cheater
Overall I found your comment unhelpful and it didn't make much sense.
You haven't made clear what your goal is here. I never suggested that being bisexual means you want to cheat on him, but you claim you want to explore bisexuality and 'realise' yourself and your sexuality while being in a heterosexual relationship. How do you expect to do this?
Don't you think someone, let's say a male in this example, in a heterosexual relationship (or homosexual for that matter, if you change the genders) would find it odd if their female partner came home one day and said "Hi, honey I'm home. By the way, I think I'm also attracted to girls and I want to explore this bisexuality."
There is no such thing as a bisexual relationship. You are either in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, heterosexual, or someone of the same sex, homosexual. Seuxality is merely the road you take to get to that relationship.
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