Hi, So I had really bad problem with my parents and for a I was just shy to open up about it in the past. But now I can finally get this off my chest.So, I am a 18 yr old english male of south Asian descent, the problem for them is that I have far more in common with an (atheist) white person than my "supposed" own group. Call me whitewashed or whatever but you have never met me.
I am normal for the most part but I have bad social anxiety and for that reason I was more of a loner and couldn't open up to others. I also have moderate to severe depression.
About my parents and older brother (in his early 20s), what can I honestly say that wont offend people reading this, I am just trying to stay calm. Sorry for making this long but I appriciate you reading this.I feel like I was treated normally at first but when I turned 10 I knew something was wrong, I just didn't really know.
I will go back to around 2006-08, I always did everything they told me to and things seemed great to me though I was young, looking back now I realise life was sh*t back then and I should not have listened to them so much but I was only 7-10 at the time so I assumed this is how parents treat their kids.
The sh*t really started getting worse though when I was 14, the family arguments and mental abuse I will get to in a bit but I should say that if it weren't for them, I'd be a far more confident, sociable person with no psychological damage. Not only that but I'd also have a pretty gf and live a normal life most 18 yr olds do.
I won't even bother bringing up the cultural differences because I assume you already know about it and I feel more British than asian (Pakistani). But obviously asian families love the bullsh*t drama. Ok I know most people have disagreements here and there (regardless of culture), that is part of life. They usually want the best for you, this is where my problems are the opposite.
My parents can't pay me sh*t whether hundreds of £s of cash or a galaxy s6 (£300) but for example I wanted to rent a studio flat, in my area it is £700/m and obviously I couldn't pay all of it myself bc I have no job atm. Mostly due to metal health I don't have a job. I have no gcses either so that makes finding employment harder. It is easy to man up and work your ass off but then again not many people have been in my situation.
Why I was born I honestly dunno bc they referred to me being born as their worst mistake, though I'm tough metally, I'm not a machine either so I did cry for 2 minutes but also thought to myself it is what is and I just get on.
I have been humiliated by them at home and public for 4 yrs I can remember. They are overcontrolling and very manipulative. They don't even love me because of "conditional love". Not only that but my father and brother have physically assualted me, like my father will pull my shirt and both of them even punch me sometimes. Even once I was kicked in the head a few times when I was held down. I had a light concussion in that.
I never phoned the police in that incident. Only two or three times (one was no physical assualt, just an argument) did I phone them. 95% of the time I just stayed in my room after a physical assualt. I usually only left the house during an argument.
Obviously I used self defence towards all of them when it got physical. I won't lie to you that I have lashed out too like pushed my parents and also broke things in the past too, for example a glass mirror and a door off the hinges twice. I admit I am not a gd person myself either but hope I get a second chance in life.
Of course I have felt suicidal in the past!!
I would think that most people in this situation would not make it out yet I even tried to adapt, to be fake just to have a gd relationship but I still have to put up with the same sh*t.
I may never be 100% again. I will cut ties with them when I have a job and finally be able to start a new, fresh life. I'll take each day as it comes, hopefully I make it from nothing to having all the gd things happening I could and should have in life.
I feel I should also say that I am lost in my identity because I am still seen as a foreigner to most (ethnically) english people, obviously I am not white but I feel I fit in better with them than I do with the pakistanis here but only few whites really accept me. I am not too bothered though, I have been alone most of my life and only in the past 10 months have I made efforts to change that.
I don't want any racism here since I am still proud of my Pakistani roots. I am just disgusted by the whole culture and it is more to do with the religion (islam) than anything. I am athiest and proud of it and there are a minority who are athiest and also drink, have tattoos and have their own girlfriends (some even have piercings). That is also why there seems to be a massive stereotype towards south asians in UK from some white people, I also hate racist and ignorant people towards asians.
For those who think this is fake, trust me it is not, why would I waste my time typing this. I would never type this much but I felt I just needed to post this. Thnx for reading this.