I catfished someone, he broke up but I still wanna talk to him

Just a month earlier I logged on to a random chatting platform and met this guy who I never thought would fall in love with. At the start he asked me where I was from I just said UK even though I was Asian, was living in Asia (but had part of my childhood in the UK). He was pretty hostile to me at the start when we began chatting and was asking me like very philosophical questions I kinda got annoyed but slowly I realised that we had many things in common (We're both scorpios and very soulful). He kept asking for my photo and I was unrelenting and told him that I would want us to connect with our hearts not through faces. The other reason was that if I showed him me it would have known that I wasn't British so I got my friend's photo (blonde) and sent it to him. He had a great response and we started warming up and stuff. Over the next few days we texted very frequently and I realised that I was falling for him. Because he wasn't a just a typical nice guy. He really went into my soul and our worldviews were just so similar. He even showed poems he had written and I did as well. And his writing style was so reflective, something that I admire very much. We would often chat while he's at work and he has a very attractive sort of dry British humour. He was also able to engage with my sense of humour too. Then he kept asking for my number so obviously I wasn't living in the UK and only had a local number so I refused to give him my number and said that I just wasn't ready to talk to me because I still have a problematic boyfriend. This is partly true cos since I left the UK after living through secondary school for a while, my relationship with my boyfriend has been on-off but then again my boyfriend is in the UK and I'm back in Asia so I wouldn't really count him as a legitimate boyfriend. As we talked more and more I realised that I had fell for him and it was a feeling, an attraction so strong that I've never encountered. Even my crushes at school hadn't made my heart flutter so much. And tbh he was like 12 years older than me (I'm 18) and so I really fell for his person and not his looks as would be the case for my usual crushes at school. So as we texted more and more frequently he kept asking to meet up as he lived just an hour away from the UK location that I told him. I grew colder to him because I really wasn't sure how to proceed to the next stage and he interpreted my coldness as not giving him a chance and he said that I still loved my boyfriend more than him. He then wanted me to talk to him and kept pressuring me to give him my number. I could have talked to him and I myself having lived in the UK for a while possess a slight British accent but if I talked to him he would know that I weren't English. The breakup point came when he went to his friend's house and had beer and I grew cold to him because I was slightly jealous that I couldn't talk to him while he was at his friends'. He then misinterpreted it again as me and my boyfriend having issues and told me he wanted to talk to me. I rejected strongly and I think under alcoholic influence he grew really mad and concluded that I never loved him and started to suspect me. He took a picture of himself crying and told me to send one. We used Kik so when you sent pictures it had the Camera or Gallery function. The Camera function meant that the photo was taken live so he told me to send him a live photo. Obviously I couldn't. He then began asking me if I know what's Catfish which I didn't know at that time and he told me it was a TV show about people hiding their identities online. I felt so beaten up and bad for hurting him that after some hurtful deliberation, I confessed to him. I sent photos of me and where I was living and he told me that he was very hurt that I cheated about my identity but said that it was good things came to a conclusion. I told him that I'll be visiting the UK the end of the year and for him to give me a chance to meetup with him to apologise to him. He said I don't want to see you so please don't come. I tried to ask if I could mail him a package or something to his workplace and he said if I did he would be very angry. His slew of words after my confession hurt me a lot. I cried and was never so hurt in my life, not even as hurt as when my family/close friends did something wrong to me. He then sent a picture of himself crying again and I did as well. He told me I was beautiful but that he wouldn't want to continue a relationship with me because it is all too hurtful for him. I understand that what I did was wrong. But over the course before I confessed to him I wasn't me, he told me he would wait for me for 7 months to meet him and made me believe that he actually fell in love for my person, and not my face. However his slew of curt statements of him being hurt by my deceitfulness made me rethink if he really loved me or that my damage to him was so irreparable. Don't get me wrong I'm not an obese and anti-social person seeking for some online love, I was just a little reticent and introspective person having had so many things kept up from my childhood (as an Asian transitioning between dual identities UK, Asia). So I was wondering did he not forgive me because of the hurt that I've done or simply because I'm of a different race and thus a different ideal that a British guy would want? He said that we could remain friends but it has been a month (I've been observing the No Contact Rule) but we haven't talked ever since our breakup. He even told me to stop waking up at 2am just to talk to him (we have a 8 hours' time difference and over the course in order to talk to him I've been waking up in the wee hours) because it will not change any aspect of our relationship from now on. But I know that he's there because he just changed his profile pic. I really want to talk to him but I fear that he will leave my message 'R' (read) and just ignore me. And I really do want to continue my relationship with him because I'll be moving back to the UK for my university studies and possibly live and work there so damn I miss him so much. I've read about stories on people catfishing and even if the catfisher turned out to be unattractive (which I can safely say I'm not) the opposite party still talked to them after a few days or so and remained friends. Could anyone please tell me how he is probably feeling after all these? Should I text him? What are the steps that I should undertake from now? Thank you so much. I do love him, I want to do whatever it takes to mend our relationship. And even though I faked my identity, my feelings for him were all true.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

I understand your grief, it's always hard to go through a breakup, doesn't matter how intimate it was. I'm a boy so from my point of view, I can see the guy just can't handle a long distance relationship at his age. He's 30 years old! He is probably feeling confused, shocked and in turmoil. He probably at this stage is questioning his feelings for you and whether he can commit to you. Normally I would see that age gap and offer no sympathy but I can see you are in a unique circumstance. You fell for the guy's personality, regardless of his looks or age. Listen, no matter what anyone tells you, you are not going to listen because you are in a state of grief and upset but trust me in a couple months you will look back at yourself and realise what you are going through right now is a life lesson. Yes he might have been amazing for you but he is by far not the only amazing person you will meet! You are going to University and you have no idea how many people of different personalities and interests you will meet! So my advice is, let things play their course. Everything happens for a reason, and if things are meant to be they will be. If he does love you, he will contact you eventually and if he doesn't you know that what he felt for you wasn't true. You have already made your apology clear but now you need to wait it out and let him deal with his own emotions. What you did was hurtful, yes, but if you guys felt something real for each other then it would never impact your future together. But please remember, you will find someone more amazing even if this doesn't work out.

Reply 2

GradesUnlocked

13

Original post by daffodilswq

🌚

I think you should just text him. Thinking about it, you don't really have much to lose because you've already lost him... On his side. If you get what I'm trying to say.

You should just text him and ask him straight up, were all the feelings he had before your heavy confession sincere? If so, why does he feel differently after you revealing your true identity. When saying this, be very careful with your words. You don't want him to feel like you're catching him out, especially when you yourself have done something wrong. Try one final time declaring your love for him, and tell him exactly how you're feeling. Everything you wrote on here, spill it out. Let him know that you're truly sorry and want to continue whatever it was you had with him. (I'm confused whether you're still with your boyfriend or not) Nevertheless, you want to let him know that it's him you want and don't want to let go too easily. Maybe give him your number, and ask him for just this one phone call so you can physically tell him what's on your mind. Don't force him to call you. Just leave your number and tell him that he can call whenever he feels ready to.

Other option, just text him and try to act as though things are normal. Continue discussing your shared interests. This may go terribly wrong, approach this option with caution.

IF the two other options don't work. You're going to have to sort of let him go for now, and when you're in London. Text him or call him and just say look mate, I'm in London. Would you like to meet up for coffee or lunch, or take a stroll in the park and just talk things through. I would really like to meet you and hopefully put our past aside and catch up on what we've both missed out on in each others life.

Whatever you decide to do, think carefully about what words you use. Because you're talking over text, he may be getting different signals in response to your messages than he would over the phone.

Good luck and hope I offered some help.

If it all doesn't work out, at least this a lesson learnt on your behalf, and I guess also on his.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 3

username1539513

21

Original post by daffodilswq

x

Attachment not found

Do you even paragraph?

Reply 4

Plantagenet Crown

20

People created paragraphs for a reason. Also, you both sound pretty odd, I mean, who sends pictures of themselves crying to others? :s-smilie:

Text him, meet up and you can be weird together.

Reply 5

RobML

6

Stupid girl.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 6

Pinkberry_y

19

At this point OP you might as well text him, he literally can't think any more worse of you than he already does, you might as well explain why you gave him a fake picture etc

Reply 7

Betelgeuse-

19

Give everyone a gold medal that read that

Reply 8

Kre

18

Original post by daffodilswq

Just a month earlier I logged on to a random chatting platform and met this guy who I never thought would fall in love with.

Mistake numero uno.

Original post by daffodilswq

other reason was that if I showed him me it would have known that I wasn't British so I got my friend's photo (blonde) and sent it to him.

Mistake numero dos.

Original post by daffodilswq

he kept asking for my number so obviously I wasn't living in the UK and only had a local number so I refused to give him my number and said that I just wasn't ready to talk to me because I still have a problematic boyfriend.

Mistake numero tres.

Seriously though, this all sounds a bit odd. Sending crying pictures of each other? Not very healthy behaviour.

Reply 9

username2705335

6

How long did it take you to type that?

Reply 10

john2054

6

Original post by daffodilswq

Just a month earlier I logged on to a random chatting platform and met this guy who I never thought would fall in love with. At the start he asked me where I was from I just said UK even though I was Asian, was living in Asia (but had part of my childhood in the UK). He was pretty hostile to me at the start when we began chatting and was asking me like very philosophical questions I kinda got annoyed but slowly I realised that we had many things in common (We're both scorpios and very soulful). He kept asking for my photo and I was unrelenting and told him that I would want us to connect with our hearts not through faces. The other reason was that if I showed him me it would have known that I wasn't British so I got my friend's photo (blonde) and sent it to him. He had a great response and we started warming up and stuff. Over the next few days we texted very frequently and I realised that I was falling for him. Because he wasn't a just a typical nice guy. He really went into my soul and our worldviews were just so similar. He even showed poems he had written and I did as well. And his writing style was so reflective, something that I admire very much. We would often chat while he's at work and he has a very attractive sort of dry British humour. He was also able to engage with my sense of humour too. Then he kept asking for my number so obviously I wasn't living in the UK and only had a local number so I refused to give him my number and said that I just wasn't ready to talk to me because I still have a problematic boyfriend. This is partly true cos since I left the UK after living through secondary school for a while, my relationship with my boyfriend has been on-off but then again my boyfriend is in the UK and I'm back in Asia so I wouldn't really count him as a legitimate boyfriend. As we talked more and more I realised that I had fell for him and it was a feeling, an attraction so strong that I've never encountered. Even my crushes at school hadn't made my heart flutter so much. And tbh he was like 12 years older than me (I'm 18) and so I really fell for his person and not his looks as would be the case for my usual crushes at school. So as we texted more and more frequently he kept asking to meet up as he lived just an hour away from the UK location that I told him. I grew colder to him because I really wasn't sure how to proceed to the next stage and he interpreted my coldness as not giving him a chance and he said that I still loved my boyfriend more than him. He then wanted me to talk to him and kept pressuring me to give him my number. I could have talked to him and I myself having lived in the UK for a while possess a slight British accent but if I talked to him he would know that I weren't English. The breakup point came when he went to his friend's house and had beer and I grew cold to him because I was slightly jealous that I couldn't talk to him while he was at his friends'. He then misinterpreted it again as me and my boyfriend having issues and told me he wanted to talk to me. I rejected strongly and I think under alcoholic influence he grew really mad and concluded that I never loved him and started to suspect me. He took a picture of himself crying and told me to send one. We used Kik so when you sent pictures it had the Camera or Gallery function. The Camera function meant that the photo was taken live so he told me to send him a live photo. Obviously I couldn't. He then began asking me if I know what's Catfish which I didn't know at that time and he told me it was a TV show about people hiding their identities online. I felt so beaten up and bad for hurting him that after some hurtful deliberation, I confessed to him. I sent photos of me and where I was living and he told me that he was very hurt that I cheated about my identity but said that it was good things came to a conclusion. I told him that I'll be visiting the UK the end of the year and for him to give me a chance to meetup with him to apologise to him. He said I don't want to see you so please don't come. I tried to ask if I could mail him a package or something to his workplace and he said if I did he would be very angry. His slew of words after my confession hurt me a lot. I cried and was never so hurt in my life, not even as hurt as when my family/close friends did something wrong to me. He then sent a picture of himself crying again and I did as well. He told me I was beautiful but that he wouldn't want to continue a relationship with me because it is all too hurtful for him. I understand that what I did was wrong. But over the course before I confessed to him I wasn't me, he told me he would wait for me for 7 months to meet him and made me believe that he actually fell in love for my person, and not my face. However his slew of curt statements of him being hurt by my deceitfulness made me rethink if he really loved me or that my damage to him was so irreparable. Don't get me wrong I'm not an obese and anti-social person seeking for some online love, I was just a little reticent and introspective person having had so many things kept up from my childhood (as an Asian transitioning between dual identities UK, Asia). So I was wondering did he not forgive me because of the hurt that I've done or simply because I'm of a different race and thus a different ideal that a British guy would want? He said that we could remain friends but it has been a month (I've been observing the No Contact Rule) but we haven't talked ever since our breakup. He even told me to stop waking up at 2am just to talk to him (we have a 8 hours' time difference and over the course in order to talk to him I've been waking up in the wee hours) because it will not change any aspect of our relationship from now on. But I know that he's there because he just changed his profile pic. I really want to talk to him but I fear that he will leave my message 'R' (read) and just ignore me. And I really do want to continue my relationship with him because I'll be moving back to the UK for my university studies and possibly live and work there so damn I miss him so much. I've read about stories on people catfishing and even if the catfisher turned out to be unattractive (which I can safely say I'm not) the opposite party still talked to them after a few days or so and remained friends. Could anyone please tell me how he is probably feeling after all these? Should I text him? What are the steps that I should undertake from now? Thank you so much. I do love him, I want to do whatever it takes to mend our relationship. And even though I faked my identity, my feelings for him were all true.