Do I come across as desperate?

I met a friend of a friend, who apparently said I was really nice and attractive (my friend didn't tell me this at the time), and then I saw him again a few months later and he said the same thing to my friend (and I also said I'd found him nice too). So she tried to set us up. He was apparently really happy when he found out, and he said he was looking forward to speaking to me.
I didn't have him on fb or anything, so the only way to see him was to arrange stuff through our mutual friend. She invited me to a dinner party at theirs ,and he was very nervous and shy but we got on well. He then said to my friend he'd really regretted being shy, but found me really nice and like me.
I went round to theirs again the week after, and he was a little less shy, and a bit more flirty.
After that, the next time i'd be seeing him would be at a house party in 3 weeks. My friend suggested I add him on fb in the meantime. I did, and we ended up getting on great and talking on a daily basis. the conversation was flirty at times too. I planned to ask him on a date at this upcoming party, as things seemed to be going well.

I got to the party and we were flirty. I asked if we could talk in private and I told him I liked him and found him really nice. Before I could go any further, he sat me down and explained that it was mutual, he liked me too. But he was leaving the country in 4 months' time, and so didn't want a relationship, he was really sorry. He said he would have liked to otherwise, and that it made him sad.
We kissed anyway, and then got on with the rest of the party. We ended up having sex that night, and I stayed the night in his room, and we spent all night talking.

I suggested that we go for a drink that Wednesday, and he agreed. I got home, and that evening realised i'd left my jacket in his room, so he said he'd bring it. I told him that I really liked him and how I'd enjoyed the evening, and thought he was lovely.

He didn't say anything in response..

And then some massive drama happened with his housemate and he ended up leaving the house, and it all got a bit crazy. We talked about it and I asked him if he was ok, could I do anytihng to help etc.

Then when things had settled, I'd admitted I was disappointed about his decision, but I totally understood. I said that if he'd been staying here, we could maybe have gone out together.

He then said he 'didn't want a girlfriend at the moment', and started saying he wasn't looking for a relationship, he was focused on work, travelling etc. and saying that he'd done long distance before and that it hadn't worked out etc. and he didn't want it to happen again.

I said that I totally understood, I respected the decision, we could be friends etc.

And then we carried on speaking online as friends.. a couple of weeks later, I found out he'd said to our friend that he 'hadn't had the feeling with me', and while he thought I was awesome he 'only saw me as a friend'.

My friend said that I came on too strongly in the beginning and that playing hard to get works with this guy. Does it sound like I was too much/I put him off? Maybe because we slept together right away, or that I looked too desperate?

I admit I just really liked him right away, I can be like that sometimes, but now I blame myself and feel like I scared him off..

Nah he just wanted to **** you and go. That's the reality. There was never ever going to be a relationship even if he weren't leaving.


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However, he had already told me at this party that he didn't want a relationship, before knowing how 'into him' I was subsequently. And as I'd said, he'd spent 2 weeks chatting/flirting with me online too, and then at the party he kissed me and stuff. I only went there with the intention of asking him on a date..

Yeah.. I guess you're right, i'm just blaming myself. It's just that he seemed to really like me in the beginning. He told me, but also told his flatmates and other friends that he liked me. Then a couple of weeks later he says he 'only likes me as a friend'.

My friend said that he really wanted a relationship, and that she doesn't understand..

I guess I need to stop blaming myself.

Nothing to beat yourself up about. You did nothing wrong and lost of men would love it if girls were upfront and said what they thought.

he sounds as though he was a bit insecure to take that, but ofc he might juts not have veen into you enough plus he was leaving anyway.

I met a friend of a friend, who apparently said I was really nice and attractive (my friend didn't tell me this at the time), and then I saw him again a few months later and he said the same thing to my friend (and I also said I'd found him nice too). So she tried to set us up. He was apparently really happy when he found out, and he said he was looking forward to speaking to me.
I didn't have him on fb or anything, so the only way to see him was to arrange stuff through our mutual friend. She invited me to a dinner party at theirs ,and he was very nervous and shy but we got on well. He then said to my friend he'd really regretted being shy, but found me really nice and like me.
I went round to theirs again the week after, and he was a little less shy, and a bit more flirty.
After that, the next time i'd be seeing him would be at a house party in 3 weeks. My friend suggested I add him on fb in the meantime. I did, and we ended up getting on great and talking on a daily basis. the conversation was flirty at times too. I planned to ask him on a date at this upcoming party, as things seemed to be going well.

I got to the party and we were flirty. I asked if we could talk in private and I told him I liked him and found him really nice. Before I could go any further, he sat me down and explained that it was mutual, he liked me too. But he was leaving the country in 4 months' time, and so didn't want a relationship, he was really sorry. He said he would have liked to otherwise, and that it made him sad.
We kissed anyway, and then got on with the rest of the party. We ended up having sex that night, and I stayed the night in his room, and we spent all night talking.

I suggested that we go for a drink that Wednesday, and he agreed. I got home, and that evening realised i'd left my jacket in his room, so he said he'd bring it. I told him that I really liked him and how I'd enjoyed the evening, and thought he was lovely.

He didn't say anything in response..

And then some massive drama happened with his housemate and he ended up leaving the house, and it all got a bit crazy. We talked about it and I asked him if he was ok, could I do anytihng to help etc.

Then when things had settled, I'd admitted I was disappointed about his decision, but I totally understood. I said that if he'd been staying here, we could maybe have gone out together.

He then said he 'didn't want a girlfriend at the moment', and started saying he wasn't looking for a relationship, he was focused on work, travelling etc. and saying that he'd done long distance before and that it hadn't worked out etc. and he didn't want it to happen again.

I said that I totally understood, I respected the decision, we could be friends etc.

And then we carried on speaking online as friends.. a couple of weeks later, I found out he'd said to our friend that he 'hadn't had the feeling with me', and while he thought I was awesome he 'only saw me as a friend'.

My friend said that I came on too strongly in the beginning and that playing hard to get works with this guy. Does it sound like I was too much/I put him off? Maybe because we slept together right away, or that I looked too desperate?

I admit I just really liked him right away, I can be like that sometimes, but now I blame myself and feel like I scared him off..

Thanks, that makes me feel better. That's what I'm like ,I'm just very direct and upfront about what I feel. I'm unfortunately not good at playing hard to get. I never at one point asked him to change his mind or begged him or anything, I just said it had been a shame and that I did really like him, but I completely understood.

But yeah, he did seem into me, what with being nervous and stuff, and I don't understand why he told me he 'would have liked to' and that it 'made him sad'.. in that case . :s

Even before I got to the end where he said he hadn't been feeling anything with you, I could've told you he's not that into you.
If he's making any and I mean any excuse not to be in a relationship eg busy with work travel etc he's not that into you. Plenty and I mean plenty of guy are busy working in banking, as doctors as builders as teachers but are still in committed relationships. The work excuse was just a poor way of saying he's not that into you, again same with the travelling excuse.

Whatever's happened has happened, personality I would say to you based on my own belief systems, I would leave it several dates and before sleeping with a guy. For me when he said he's going to another country and doesn't want a relationship, I would have not slept with him.

But what's done is done now, there's no point rethinking it and analysing what you said and what he said, he's not into you and that's all you need to know to move on. Don't change who you are because one guy didn't like you

Some times people say stuff because they are insecure. Sometimes they are economical with the truth, soemtimes they say soemthing different becayse they lie or they dont like hirying peoples feelings. its just the way people are. You are fine doing it the way you did. Bothing against sleeping with someone as soon as you wnat, but it does put you in a slighly more exposed situation if it doesnt work out. I tend to think it clouds the issue, but just learn from it and be happy with how you approached it if you felt comfy and worry less about what people think. I cant see anything wrong.

Yeah, I guess so but I just don't get why he spent 2 weeks flirting with me on facebook if he wasn't interested, so confusing :s and if he wasn't into me, why did he tell all his housemates etc. that he liked me? grr..

I mean his reason seemed legit, he was moving to another country (other side of the world) and he'd already had one failed long-distance thing and left heartbroken and so was understandably put off..

but yeah you're right.. I think my friend is just making me feel bad. She's told me that it's largely my fault because I get attached too easily and that I scared this guy off.

But I will try not to change how I am as you said! I am not like that with every guy.. I can be cautious, but I just fell head over heels for this one; we spent weeks talking and got on so well.. ah well

No it's not largely your fault, you were reciprocating to the signs he was initially giving off and your very own friend was telling you in the beginning that he said he liked you. He may have liked the appearance of you and the idea of you then the more he got to know you he didn't idk, but it's his issue not yours.