Advice from people who re-took a year

Hi everyone. I dropped out of college last year in november because of mental health issues. I'm not too worried about my grades (I was doing well in the first few AS topics) but I get anxious and depressed everytime I think about next week, which is when I go back. I guess it's a combination of the people who made me depressed last year still attending the college, my ongoing depression and the fact that almost everyone in my classes will be a year younger than me. So to the people that have already retaken year 12, how was it and do you have any advice?

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A guy in my year just completed his resit. The first time around he got D's and U's. This time around he got A's and B's.

Reply 3

stratagems

Original post by theblackparade27

This will be long, but I hope it will help.

I can hand on heart tell you that being a year older is basically an imaginary and arbitrary line you've drawn up in your head.

I say that as someone who thought it was nearly the end of the world as I knew it to have to take a year out whilst my friends were applying for uni. I'm much older now - in my late 20s and about to go to uni for the first time - and I genuinely feel that, in hindsight, had I stopped giving a damn about unimportant things like other people (most of these people will not be in your life when you're 25, 30, 35yo...) or being a year older etc, I would have done better when I did go back. Instead, my anxiety got the better of me.

Also, one of the best things I did was get a proper job. Firstly, you realise that being at school or at uni isn't the be all and end all, especially as work reflects a substantial part of your adult life more accurately. Beyond school or university, you will NEVER again be spending all of your time with only those of your own age. Your social life and friends will no longer be entwined with whatever institution you're working at like it is with education. Workplaces have such a mix of people, ages, personalities, with different life experiences that it's like interacting with people when you walk down your local high street. Don't have tunnel vision about school/uni - there's more to life!

Secondly, it gives you perspective. No one gives a damn in the real world if you got an A* or a D or dropped out.

Unfortunately, we end up on this one-way track with our lives mapped out for us until the age of 21 and some of us just don't fit into that. Our lives are not all the same.

The lessons I've learnt after all these years:

1) It's not a failure if you've learnt from the experience & underwent personal growth. Don't make the mistake of letting this year pass you by.

Other people will be more impressed that you endured a difficult experience, picked yourself up, and tried again than if you simply had the same uniform experience that every other 16/17 yo has. People are always impressed by resilience, fortitude,and strength of character, even if you may prefer not to have gone through it at all or find it embarrassing.

Difficult life experiences are character building! You learn a lot about yourself by how you deal with a problem - whether it's a new one or unexpected - whether you solve it and if you succeed ---- THE ABOVE IS WHAT UNIVERSITIES LOOK FOR FOR IF YOU HAVE EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES &/OR TOOK A YEAR OUT (INCLUDING TO RESIT & REAPPLY).

2) You must prioritise yourself. That means you shouldn't give a damn that you're a year older. How does that help you? Instead, focus on what you're trying to achieve and what your end goal is: good grades and a place at your preferred uni, I presume. What other people think + also that you're a year older is irrelevant to those goals.

3) You will encounter the sh*ttiest people throughout your life stages. Workplaces included. Especially workplaces.

People in the year above will have to go out of their way to pick on you, if that's what happened. I imagine they won't.

There are things you can do to stop them, but there are also things you can do to gain inner peace (as hippyish as it sounds) without letting them get to you. If people are bullying you, report it to your teachers. At the very least, they can document it as extenuating circumstances on your UCAS app. If it means you stay out of people's way & have lunch alone? Have your lunch & then go to the library to read your class notes. Being productive means you help yourself and that's always a win. End goals. It's not permanent. It's only for 8 months.

4) Always look for how a negative experience might benefit you.

One of the things I always say to my friends is: if you feel you've hit rock bottom, the only place to go from there is up (even if it takes some time to get there).

I immediately see that you have the opportunity of a 'restart' or 'refresh' - a second chance. I also see that new classmates = potential new friends. That may mean a total 180 from the social experience you had last year. People might be curious and ask what happened. Say you had a medical condition and you're recovered now. Leave it there. They shouldn't poke beyond that, as anything medical is always private.

5) Depression doesn't have to define your experience of life. It doesn't have to prohibit you from making the most of it. This is one of the most sensible things I've seen on the condition - it doesn't romanticise it, but it also doesn't reinforce the stigma (especially about what help & treatment is societally acceptable):https://youtu.be/mYUQ_nlZgWE

Also, studies suggest that 1 in 4 people (ie every workplace & institution) suffers from a mental health condition. It's just not talked about.

A good friend from college, who's 21 now, had a couple of ongoing mental health conditions, including when she joined the 19yo+ Adult A-Level course that we met in. She obtained offers from Cambridge, UCL, LSE, and Manchester. She fulfilled her end goal without letting her age/drop out gap year/health derail her, but instead by managing it all.

Good luck and make this your year!

(Ignore any random asterix that appear in this post - browser flaw!)

Advice from people who re-took a year

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