Ex boyfriend going to my med school

A lot of this is based on rumour, but there's a chance that my ex boyfriend will be starting at the same med school as me. I'm entering second year, whereas he took a gap year.

This is based on his refusal to tell anyone (linked to me) where he's going, being in that part of the country around interview time, having the right kind of stats for an offer there, and his best friend getting an offer (also to start in Sept). One of my friends had been messaging him, and as soon as they asked about uni, he stopped replying.

We went out for nearly a year, during our first year of college. He broke up with me and (I believe) he had cheated on me shortly before. So we haven't been on good terms. He moved classes in college so not to be near me.

So how should I play this, if it turns out we are going to be there together? Years 1 and 2 are pretty close and always socialise together. Do I try to ignore him? Do I approach him like a friend? I know I'll find it really hard emotionally to be near him if we aren't talking, so idk what to do.

Reply 1

Tiger Rag

Act civil towards him. It may look odd to some people if you just ignore him.

Reply 2

Ezme39

Original post by Tiger Rag

Act civil towards him. It may look odd to some people if you just ignore him.

I guess so. Do you think it's worth approaching him, or just socialise as part of a group?

Reply 3

SMEGGGY

Original post by Ezme39

So? I'm sure you can be the civilised adult and keep out of his way? If It was me in your shoes I'd do exactly that considering he's cheated.

You do your thing he'll do his no doubt.

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Reply 4

SMEGGGY

Original post by Tiger Rag

Act civil towards him. It may look odd to some people if you just ignore him.

Why odd? He's done what he's done, she can ignore him and if people ask she can say he's an ex, end of story

:rolleyes:

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Reply 5

SMEGGGY

Original post by Ezme39

I guess so. Do you think it's worth approaching him, or just socialise as part of a group?

Why do you want to? You about keeping up appearances for other's benefit? If he talks, talk if not do your own thing

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Reply 6

Ezme39

Original post by SMEGGGY

Yeah, the only issue with that is that I'm likely to see him around a lot (same lecture building, socials etc). It'll feel weird to just 'stay out of his way', but maybe you're right.
We literally haven't spoken in a year though, and even then it was such a disjointed awkward conversation

Reply 7

username1229433

So what? He's in the past now.

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Reply 8

Hopefully1

Original post by Ezme39

How do you play this? Well, remember that you are the one with the distinct advantage! You've already been there a year. You've made connections and (hopefully a friend group)! He's having to start from the very beginning. You're returning to someplace familiar and he is going to be the newby! So you walk with your head high and carry yourself with confidence and act like the happiest most 'put together' med-student in second year! You can be civil but you don't have to be besties. Tell people you socialize with that he's your ex and they'll respect that and act civilly but bring him into the friendship fold. Surely there are enough people in each year of uni that he'll find his own people to hang with. It may be unavoidable for you not to run into him at all but you are in a much stronger position. What you can't allow to happen is your anxiety of his being there (if that is indeed where he ends up) to start affecting your grades and confidence. You are there for a reason and `that is to become a doctor. I'm guessing you've also been broken up for about a year (or more). Leave the past in the past and allow yourself to move on. Good Luck - and he might not be there at all!

Reply 9

username2791212

If friendship groups work the same way at your uni as they do at mine I wouldn't worry about running into him too much. First year students tend to stick together like glue.

However, if it happens that you are forced into a situation where he is there, you have options.

- you can leave wherever it is and explain to trusted friends that your ex is there and you don't feel comfortable being there. But be warned, roping friends into ex issues is never a good idea if they're up for getting some revenge for you or making his life a bit difficult. He's a newbie. He might be a cheater but I wouldn't recommend having his first year screwed up. You could get yourself in a mess.

- you can be civil and polite and make it completely none-awkward. Then you don't have to leave places if he's there or worry about making a problem. I know this would probably be really hard for you, but I think it would benefit you in the long run. You don't want to disrupt your own education for this and making a deal out of it will.

Don't make any effort to approach or engage, just be civil if you're forced to. I find it weird that he's being hush hush about where he's going, so I would act nonchalant and totally not phased by the whole thing. You don't want him to think his decision to go there has affected you in the slightest (just in case that's his intention).

Reply 10

Hopefully1

Original post by Ezme39

How do you play this? Well, remember that you are the one with the distinct advantage! You've already been there a year. You've made connections and (hopefully a friend group)! He's having to start from the very beginning. You're returning to someplace familiar and he is going to be the newbie! So you walk with your head high and carry yourself with confidence and act like the happiest most 'put together' med-student in second year! You can, and should, be civil but you don't have to be besties. Tell people you socialize and study with that he's your ex (you can leave out the details) and they'll respect that and act civilly but won't bring him into the friendship fold. Surely there are enough people in each year of uni that he'll find his own people to hang with.
It may be unavoidable for you not to run into him at all but you are in a much stronger position. What you can't allow to happen is a build up of anxiety, about his being there (if that is indeed where he ends up), to start affecting your study,grades, and confidence. You are there for a reason and that is to become a doctor and you are well aware of the level or studying and concentration required. Don't allow this past drama to seep into your present. I'm guessing you've also been broken up for about a year (or more). Leave the past in the past and allow yourself to move on. Good Luck - and he might not be there at all! Who knows, maybe he didn't get an offer or found himself at a less prestigious uni and was slightly embarrassed which is why he didn't respond.