Why didn't you wait/why aren't you waiting? (Premarital sex)
Hey everyone,(Those who don't want to get married 
) So before anyone starts assuming this is a religious post, not exactly. I'm not the religious type, with an agenda as some say and this isn't a judgemental post or me trying to belittle anyone because of their personal decisions but me trying to understand how others are thinking concerning this as I'm quite confused. I hope you wouldn't mind me starting off by sharing my own thoughts and what lead me to ask this. Well, earlier today, I stumbled across a facebook post as I was online which lead to me to read an article that was talking about sex and how long people should wait before having sex in a "new relationship". Then as I was going through the statistics and some of the comments underneath the article along with comments on facebook, I was quite shocked. I know waiting until marriage isn't the popular 'choice' but to me it seems perfectly rational (I get judged for saying that but I'm open and happy to say it because I really do think it is truly rational). When I mean marriage, I mean the decision and commitment to spend the rest of your life with someone. And when I mean sex, I mean intercourse. (Not that I am trying to exclude gay couples from this conversation but the comments were of men and women who are straight, so it had me thinking.) When I say I am waiting until marriage to have intercourse, people automatically assume I am religious but I am not. I think I am spiritual but as of now I follow no religion. Why I like the idea of waiting is because I know this sexual experience would be with someone I am comfortable with, in the process of spending my life with and I wouldn't mind getting pregnant with my husband. Maybe I'm weird, but I don't want many sexual relationships before finding the 'one'. I just want the one. I was told people are afraid of sexual incompatibility but let's be honest, no couple would be 100% compatible in bed or if they are, certainly not all the time since changes follow with life along the way. Libido changes with age etc so it takes work and communication. And I think a person's attitude to sex is what's more important which you can find out without actually sleeping with the person.I was asked, don't I have the urge to feel pleasure but I already do experience pleasure anyway. And not to brag but I know my body and how to sexually please myself. I don't see masturbation as taboo, I'm all for it and if people waited until marriage to masturbate then I would see that as 'extreme' since it's healthy, nearly impossible to catch STI, no chance of pregnancy or feeling emotionally connected to another individual who may not be right for you. That's probably why I don't feel the need to not wait because I feel sexually comfortable and satisfied. It sounds odd but "virgins" have orgasms too. At here's the thing, my friend who has had sex has never had an orgasm while I have and do. So when people tell me it's to experience pleasure, well intercourse isn't the only way. In fact many women seem to need more than just intercourse with added stimulation while having intercourse to orgasm. So it's not that I'm coming from a religious perspective as I agree with masturbation and expressing your sexuality but I just couldn't understand why people who want to get married in the future would be vulnerable and do it with someone they are not married to. Maybe people think, they'll end up marrying the person later but you can't ever know. Then once you are married, the people you shared this with will be another ex and only your husband or wife would matter to you. Then not that you cannot get divorced when you are married but the chances are slimmer because you've already established a relationship to where you want to make that lifelong commitment with each other compared to someone you were dating before you had made the decision to spend the rest of your life with them. Plus though we've advanced and technology has allowed humans to have sex without procreating, sex and procreation still go in hand together and link. Naturally, not just with humans but with other species and animals sex leads to new life and offspring which is why I couldn't have sex with someone who I feel wouldn't be there in case I do get pregnant as no contraceptive is 100% effective. You may say, well abortion but honestly speaking if an accident like this did happen to me where though I'm married but wasn't seeking a child at the moment, at least I would feel like I have my husband who is planning on staying with me and my child lifelong, to help me support my child. My friends who are having sex with their boyfriends said they wouldn't dare get pregnant because their boyfriends would leave, not only because of their career but why settle for a guy that would treat you this way. Sorry for the long post, but I had to explain this in detail lol.
) So before anyone starts assuming this is a religious post, not exactly. I'm not the religious type, with an agenda as some say and this isn't a judgemental post or me trying to belittle anyone because of their personal decisions but me trying to understand how others are thinking concerning this as I'm quite confused. I hope you wouldn't mind me starting off by sharing my own thoughts and what lead me to ask this. Well, earlier today, I stumbled across a facebook post as I was online which lead to me to read an article that was talking about sex and how long people should wait before having sex in a "new relationship". Then as I was going through the statistics and some of the comments underneath the article along with comments on facebook, I was quite shocked. I know waiting until marriage isn't the popular 'choice' but to me it seems perfectly rational (I get judged for saying that but I'm open and happy to say it because I really do think it is truly rational). When I mean marriage, I mean the decision and commitment to spend the rest of your life with someone. And when I mean sex, I mean intercourse. (Not that I am trying to exclude gay couples from this conversation but the comments were of men and women who are straight, so it had me thinking.) When I say I am waiting until marriage to have intercourse, people automatically assume I am religious but I am not. I think I am spiritual but as of now I follow no religion. Why I like the idea of waiting is because I know this sexual experience would be with someone I am comfortable with, in the process of spending my life with and I wouldn't mind getting pregnant with my husband. Maybe I'm weird, but I don't want many sexual relationships before finding the 'one'. I just want the one. I was told people are afraid of sexual incompatibility but let's be honest, no couple would be 100% compatible in bed or if they are, certainly not all the time since changes follow with life along the way. Libido changes with age etc so it takes work and communication. And I think a person's attitude to sex is what's more important which you can find out without actually sleeping with the person.I was asked, don't I have the urge to feel pleasure but I already do experience pleasure anyway. And not to brag but I know my body and how to sexually please myself. I don't see masturbation as taboo, I'm all for it and if people waited until marriage to masturbate then I would see that as 'extreme' since it's healthy, nearly impossible to catch STI, no chance of pregnancy or feeling emotionally connected to another individual who may not be right for you. That's probably why I don't feel the need to not wait because I feel sexually comfortable and satisfied. It sounds odd but "virgins" have orgasms too. At here's the thing, my friend who has had sex has never had an orgasm while I have and do. So when people tell me it's to experience pleasure, well intercourse isn't the only way. In fact many women seem to need more than just intercourse with added stimulation while having intercourse to orgasm. So it's not that I'm coming from a religious perspective as I agree with masturbation and expressing your sexuality but I just couldn't understand why people who want to get married in the future would be vulnerable and do it with someone they are not married to. Maybe people think, they'll end up marrying the person later but you can't ever know. Then once you are married, the people you shared this with will be another ex and only your husband or wife would matter to you. Then not that you cannot get divorced when you are married but the chances are slimmer because you've already established a relationship to where you want to make that lifelong commitment with each other compared to someone you were dating before you had made the decision to spend the rest of your life with them. Plus though we've advanced and technology has allowed humans to have sex without procreating, sex and procreation still go in hand together and link. Naturally, not just with humans but with other species and animals sex leads to new life and offspring which is why I couldn't have sex with someone who I feel wouldn't be there in case I do get pregnant as no contraceptive is 100% effective. You may say, well abortion but honestly speaking if an accident like this did happen to me where though I'm married but wasn't seeking a child at the moment, at least I would feel like I have my husband who is planning on staying with me and my child lifelong, to help me support my child. My friends who are having sex with their boyfriends said they wouldn't dare get pregnant because their boyfriends would leave, not only because of their career but why settle for a guy that would treat you this way. Sorry for the long post, but I had to explain this in detail lol.Shucks, I added paragraphs but for some reason it didn't show up after posting. So sorry x
Original post by RooshVee
Repost this with paragraphs, for your own benefit.
Absolutely no one is going to read it
Absolutely no one is going to read it
LOL will do!
Original post by Anonymous
LOL will do!
Ironically, I just did. So what you're saying is you don't crave male attention and can sufficiently pleasure yourself?
I'm just answering the question in the title and didnt read that whole long thing. I didnt wait because the first time it happened, it wasnt really my choice and therefore everything after was just like "well its already done now I might as well" otherwise I think I would have waited longer or at least until I got into a long term relationship because i dont think i want to get married and sex is important in a relationship because it advances that closeness and intimacy.
i personally felt the urge to have sex (which is a very normal urge) before i ever had it and after that i enjoyed it and still get that urge. that's why. i don't personally view sex as something sacred or special... although with the right person and right timing it can be. that person doesn't have to be the person you spend the rest of your life with because theres a hundred other contributing factors to who your "life partner" is going to be (and who can guarantee you're gonna want to spend the rest of your life with one person anyway). having sex before you have sex with your "future spouse" doesn't diminish or lessen how special it it with your spouse. actually the opposite i think if you've had sex with 100 people and it was meaningless it kind of makes that 1 special person more meaningful.
although i think for psychological reasons people should wait until they're 16 or older to have sex provided its with the right person (or at least thats what im teahing my kids) i don't think "viginity" is a thing other than the purely physical moment of it being the first time you put the P in the V. it doesnt actually mean anything. if you wanna do it then do it.
although i think for psychological reasons people should wait until they're 16 or older to have sex provided its with the right person (or at least thats what im teahing my kids) i don't think "viginity" is a thing other than the purely physical moment of it being the first time you put the P in the V. it doesnt actually mean anything. if you wanna do it then do it.
Original post by Moura
i personally felt the urge to have sex (which is a very normal urge) before i ever had it and after that i enjoyed it and still get that urge. that's why. i don't personally view sex as something sacred or special... although with the right person and right timing it can be. that person doesn't have to be the person you spend the rest of your life with because theres a hundred other contributing factors to who your "life partner" is going to be (and who can guarantee you're gonna want to spend the rest of your life with one person anyway). having sex before you have sex with your "future spouse" doesn't diminish or lessen how special it it with your spouse. actually the opposite i think if you've had sex with 100 people and it was meaningless it kind of makes that 1 special person more meaningful.
although i think for psychological reasons people should wait until they're 16 or older to have sex provided its with the right person (or at least thats what im teahing my kids) i don't think "viginity" is a thing other than the purely physical moment of it being the first time you put the P in the V. it doesnt actually mean anything. if you wanna do it then do it.
although i think for psychological reasons people should wait until they're 16 or older to have sex provided its with the right person (or at least thats what im teahing my kids) i don't think "viginity" is a thing other than the purely physical moment of it being the first time you put the P in the V. it doesnt actually mean anything. if you wanna do it then do it.
Nonsense
Just reposted guys, would you mind responding to that one. I can't delete this thread.
Didn't read that huge paragraph, sorry. Will answer your question anyway.
Growing up in a religious household, and going to a conservative christian church, I felt like it was absolutely vital for a women to save herself for her husband. For that reason, I grew up telling myself that I would not have sex before marriage.
Fast forward a few years now, and I am 18 and no longer religious and now I don't think it's necessary to "save" myself. Firstly I don't even know if I am getting married lol and so that would be impossible. And I am not sure if I want to marry someone that I am not sure if I am sexual compatible with.
Sometimes I think that "saving" yourself has toxic implications. I think too many religious (girls) place too much of their worth on virginity and often would rush into marriage to have sex because of sexual frustration. The fact that it's mostly vital for a women to save herself for a husband like it's addressed in abrahamic religions, that means that a lot of these religoous girls are literally going to be marrying these men that have slept with a bunch of women but then practically demanding virgins which is stupid as hell.
This is just my stance on the whole thing.
Growing up in a religious household, and going to a conservative christian church, I felt like it was absolutely vital for a women to save herself for her husband. For that reason, I grew up telling myself that I would not have sex before marriage.
Fast forward a few years now, and I am 18 and no longer religious and now I don't think it's necessary to "save" myself. Firstly I don't even know if I am getting married lol and so that would be impossible. And I am not sure if I want to marry someone that I am not sure if I am sexual compatible with.
Sometimes I think that "saving" yourself has toxic implications. I think too many religious (girls) place too much of their worth on virginity and often would rush into marriage to have sex because of sexual frustration. The fact that it's mostly vital for a women to save herself for a husband like it's addressed in abrahamic religions, that means that a lot of these religoous girls are literally going to be marrying these men that have slept with a bunch of women but then practically demanding virgins which is stupid as hell.
This is just my stance on the whole thing.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by RooshVee
Nonsense
think u need to get laid
Original post by Moura
think u need to get laid
Great logic, well done. You have presented a well thought out, intelligent reply.
Especially when OP's post is about the demeaning of virgins.
Get out of here.
Original post by RooshVee
Great logic, well done. You have presented a well thought out, intelligent reply.
Especially when OP's post is about the demeaning of virgins.
Get out of here.
Especially when OP's post is about the demeaning of virgins.
Get out of here.
just thought i'd reply to you with the same level of thought and insight as you did me
Original post by Moura
just thought i'd reply to you with the same level of thought and insight as you did me
How can you say "actually the opposite i think if you've had sex with 100 people and it was meaningless it kind of makes that 1 special person more meaningful." and think you're worthy of any sort of intelligent response
Original post by RooshVee
How can you say "actually the opposite i think if you've had sex with 100 people and it was meaningless it kind of makes that 1 special person more meaningful." and think you're worthy of any sort of intelligent response
just my opinion hun, we've all got different brains, cultures and upbringings so we aren't going to agree on everything. doesn't mean that rudeness is required.
because my romance game was on point
Didn't read the whole thing.
Sex is the easy part,u can have pleasure and all that before marriage. But giving your heart to someone (which I think it's completely important in marriage) that's the hard part.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Sex is the easy part,u can have pleasure and all that before marriage. But giving your heart to someone (which I think it's completely important in marriage) that's the hard part.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Someone smashed their door in
- sex is not love and love is not sex
- Is this unfair for me or should I be understanding?
- Struggling with vaginal dryness
- Not replying to my text
- I asked him how it was...
- How can I heal from this?
- To me sex is not necessary? People tend to say am not normal
- Having a best friend of the opposite sex
- ADHD and autism
- Should I pay for the date
- 22 year old male virgin, can tinder be used to hook up on nights out?
- At what age do you first have sex?
- do u regret losing ur virginity
- Relationships
- Masturbating - is it okay?
- Boyf hand placement on a girls hips? Normal or not
- I think I have a frenulum breve?
- Does body count matter ?
- I'm 19 and i have urge to lose my virginity. What advice can you give me as a male
Latest
Last reply 1 minute ago
BA (hons) Philosophy at University of London/OU student finance queryLast reply 2 minutes ago
Can anyone Manchester think of any green spaces less likely to be dogsLast reply 2 minutes ago
My boyfriend left me because he said my breasts and butt were too smallLast reply 2 minutes ago
Official UCL Offer Holders Thread for 2024 entryLast reply 8 minutes ago
Official Cambridge Postgraduate Applicants 2024 ThreadLast reply 8 minutes ago
lloyds bank 2024 apprenticeshipLast reply 12 minutes ago
Official University College London Applicant Thread for 2024Last reply 14 minutes ago
Is it really such a bad thing to have an undefined relationshipLast reply 15 minutes ago
Official University of Bath Offer Holders Thread for 2024 entryLast reply 15 minutes ago
Official University of Edinburgh Applicant Thread for 2024Posted 16 minutes ago
London student accomodation - Studio available over the summerLast reply 17 minutes ago
National Probation ServiceLast reply 18 minutes ago
Anyone else get an offer for a Rolls Royce degree apprenticeship in Derby (2024)?Trending
Last reply 2 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 2 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 2 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 2 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
