Lack of motivation to shower/leave the house

So for quite a while (pretty much since I started uni 2 years ago) I've noticed that it's taken a significant amount of mental energy to get myself to go and get in the shower, and sometimes I'll skip them for a week+ (mostly during holidays/when I'm not around people). It just feels like a proper commitment that I don't want to do, even though I'm not doing anything productive at the time. I was wondering if anyone else has had this issue and how they'd dealt with it?I've thought about the idea that I may possibly be depressed, but I don't feel sad too often, and I've always thought that depression is just something that you kinda just KNOW you have.

When I do shower, it tends to take 20 minutes+ (I'm not sure why, I just take my time lathering up/leaving my hair to be conditioned etc..), and brushing my teeth/using my interdental brushes for my braces n stuff takes like.. 20 extra minutes (I have issues motivating myself to do this too, unless I literally feel gross/can taste my breath/have commitments with friends irl)

can anyone relate? or am I just messed up lmao

Make a appointment with your GP and mention what you're experiencing. Depression doesn't always present itself as simply crying all the time etc it can be like you describe, a lack of motivation. So if it is depression or the beginnings of it it's best to nip it in the bud and get some support.

Definitely agree with making an appointment with your GP, I feel like you should talk to someone, they may help in more ways than you realise.
As something you can do now though about your showers, because you take so long whenn you do shower (possibly because you want to clean yourself even more because you haven't washed in a while), could you instead have shorter showers more often? Say 5-10 minute showers everyday, or every other day. That way you won't see showers as taking up a part of your day or as anything that's worth so much effort to do. But more like right quick jump in, wash hair, scrub body, get out, kinda thing

Idk, I've always been kinda hesitant to go to a GP and say that "I think I might have depression but I don't actually know, I could just be lazy", it feels like there's nothing really wrong with me and I'm just wasting their time, and that makes me feel embarrassed for going.I have been before, to a university counselling thingy, because I had trouble with what I think is video game addiction, but it didn't really help, they actually kinda just told me to get out more (join clubs/exercise/whatever) and that the bottom line was that I had to just man up (it seemed that was what was being alluded to). The thing is though, I do try, I did join a gym n stuff and went a few times a week with a buddy, but then it just kinda fizzled out because the idea of getting changed/showering and leaving my room just seemed so much effort and I didn't really enjoy it.

I want to change, but whenever I force myself to, I can do it for a few times but then I skip it once and can't seem to get back on route with the good habit, and I really beat myself up for it mentally, and I know it's good for me in the long run but faking enjoying it till I actually enjoy it just isn't working.

I don't get it though, because lowkey I know that I'm not a inherently completely lazy person, I failed my A levels the first time, (got BCU) but then I retook everything in a year (AS and A2) and got A*AB, I don't know what has changed between then and now. In the college that I went a took retakes for, I was consistently getting the best grades in all the assignments n stuff, and people came and asked me for help in work, and it felt nice, I felt competitive and competent and it was great. I guess I had this feeling at the start of uni too, I knew I could do really well by just working, but then I missed a lecture and then I missed more lectures and then I started doing coursework at the last minute, and then not doing coursework at all, and now I'm just so behind and I've failed 2nd year and I'm just having a nightmare. I didn't have friends on my course, so I couldn't ask for help, and I felt that even if I made friends halfway through the year I couldn't ask for help then because I'd come across as incompetent and no one would have the time of day to help me understand everything when I was so bloody behind. I tried so hard to read books and google stuff and find information, but the information always required something else to understand in order to get it, and that stuff never had clear explanations anywhere and I just didn't know what to do and was so tired so I gave up.

Now I'm here complaining about my hygiene, and I'm 21 years old, that's so pathetic and I'm letting so many people down and lying to so many people about how I'm doing well in general.

Typing everything out makes me kinda realise that maybe you guys are right haha

man I hate whining, it makes people feel like ass, but I just want to put my thoughts out there, I'm sorry

You're not pathetic, the main thing is you want to change. Are you retaking second year? I think having a part time job will really help you because it will give you a routine and force you out of the house to socialise and be less alone as well as giving you structure in your life.

Depression doesn't discriminate on age, gender, race, etc. Not even how academically able one is. I'm a first class grad and I'm not happy with the direction my life has taken me either. Whereas you see that hairdresser or carpenter or till worker never moaning a bit about their lack of grades and still being able to get by...

Go to your docotor, discuss depression, discuss nutrition, discuss your diet and lifestyle because it could be any of those. We all have days like that but it shouldn't be very often or all the time, just raise the concern with your doctor and they'll pickup on the possibility of depression then evaluate it. For many it's hard to suspect until they look back and realise changes in their habits or lifestyle as you have.