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Is it fine only going to a few nights out in the first month of Uni?

I'm heading to Cardiff in a few weeks and well, I am absolutely s******g myself about going out, clubbing, pubs and all that. I've always been somewhat introverted and when I've tried to socialize in a "party" scenario things have been really difficult for me. However, I'm willing to go to a few but that's the thing, most people I've seen tend to go to every single event or at least most of them and I just won't be able to handle that.

I've looked up what my Uni is doing and there are a few I want to go to, for example the Film Society I'm looking at joining does its own pub quiz every year, and of course there's the Fresher's Ball, but apart from those few (about 4 in total) I don't think I could handle anything else. After that week when the official events end I'm not sure whether I will want to go to more than 1 night out a week, and I'm worried that limiting myself like that might make me seem unsociable.

This is all such a new experience for me, I have no clue how nights out even start. Legitimate question but will flatmates all go out together, and if so do they invite everyone in the flat regardless of who they are? If I don't go to a night out in the first few weeks would I be invited to another? I honestly don't know.

Sorry if I seem naive but I'm just incredibly worried about Freshers week and how I might come across during it. Any advice or help would be much appreciated! Thanks in advance!

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Reply 1
Hi,

What I'm about to say will sound harsh, but you need to know this.

You're going to eventually die. You know that right?

You're basically telling me that you're going to throw away which should be the best 3 years of your life, because you're insecure?

Stop running from your problems and face them head on, you won't grow until you do...
If you don't go you probably won't be invited next time.

But that's okay! If you don't want to go, you shouldn't force yourself! I know when I get to university next year I won't be going to any freshers events. :h:
Reply 3
Original post by Abstract_Prism
I know when I get to university next year I won't be going to any freshers events. :h:


Why?

Posted from TSR Mobile


There's nothing I love more than being alone. I hate going outside. I'm no good in social situations. I know I would absolutely hate doing freshers events and having to socialise. Talking to people is a seriously physically draining experience for me. Not to mention that I am apathetic in general and don't have a lot of interests. Even if talking to people didn't leave me exhausted for the rest of the week, I probably wouldn't find anything that I would really want to go to.

I don't really understand that whole 'Force yourself to go to things you don't think you will enjoy!' argument. What would I gain from it?

I don't expect to make friends, but that's okay, I don't mind! :h:

The only kinds of people that I could possibly be friends with are other hermits like me, and I certainly won't find them at freshers events!
(edited 7 years ago)
If you can't cope with nightclubs, would going for drinks in SU bar or local pubs be doable? Join your flat mates in the kitchen for pre going out drinks. Also join societies for things you're interested in. You will make friends on your course as well.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by ToastiestZombie
I'm heading to Cardiff in a few weeks and well, I am absolutely s******g myself about going out, clubbing, pubs and all that. I've always been somewhat introverted and when I've tried to socialize in a "party" scenario things have been really difficult for me. However, I'm willing to go to a few but that's the thing, most people I've seen tend to go to every single event or at least most of them and I just won't be able to handle that.

I've looked up what my Uni is doing and there are a few I want to go to, for example the Film Society I'm looking at joining does its own pub quiz every year, and of course there's the Fresher's Ball, but apart from those few (about 4 in total) I don't think I could handle anything else. After that week when the official events end I'm not sure whether I will want to go to more than 1 night out a week, and I'm worried that limiting myself like that might make me seem unsociable.

This is all such a new experience for me, I have no clue how nights out even start. Legitimate question but will flatmates all go out together, and if so do they invite everyone in the flat regardless of who they are? If I don't go to a night out in the first few weeks would I be invited to another? I honestly don't know.

Sorry if I seem naive but I'm just incredibly worried about Freshers week and how I might come across during it. Any advice or help would be much appreciated! Thanks in advance!


Hello :smile:,

Right, slow down. You are over worrying yourself into a meltdown. My first and foremost advice is that university is about exploring your comfort zone and pushing the boundaries to things you've never done before - you'll never know if you don't give yourself room to grow.

Secondly, why are you so hung up about drinking, clubbing and partying? You have taken a stereotypical viewpoint and turned it into your biggest worry. Yes, for a majority of students Freshers/First Year is going out all the time, partying and drinking and wasting their course away with hangovers and sick days but you are away you don't have to attend any of them or drink if you aren't comfortable? No one is going to judge you or think differently if you didn't. There are plenty of other ways to socialise with people as oppose to drinking, clubbing and partying. During Freshers I attended all SU events but didn't go out clubbing until the week after and as for going out, going out once a week is pretty standard for the majority of students - there is only a minority that go out multiple times a week. So you aren't limiting yourself, you're over thinking every detail.

Your biggest mistake at the minute is that you've already split yourself from your flatmates, you've said "will my flatmates go out together"... why aren't you included within that flat? You'll make friends and probably all decided to go out together, have a few drinks and such and then go from there - if you want too.

Stop worrying over something you don't need to worry about - it's easier said than done but understand it's wasting your time and setting up negative thoughts for your start of university.

No matter what you choose to do, you will be fine :biggrin:
When you're at uni just go with the flow. During freshers I think I literally survived on adrenaline, alcohol and takeaway pizza but it was one of the funnest 2 weeks I've had. Don't limit yourself to the number of events you go to. If you get asked to go out, do it! You'll meet more people and that can only be a good thing compares to sitting in your room
Course it is just go to and do what you feel comfortable doing :smile:
Reply 9
You don't have to be a sheep and go along with everyone else if you don't want to, or if it will make you feel uncomfortable and unhappy. If others want to go out drinking, then living with the miserable hangover, let them. However, you might find that you make new friends and would like to go out to the pub for a bit, and that's great if you enjoy it. Don't pre-judge how it will be before you even start, but also don't be afraid to be an individual and stand up for yourself.
Reply 10
Just go to the pre-drinks?

Less pressure than pubs/ clubs, and it's where you really get to know people anyway.
It'll take way too long to specifically quote everyone but, apart from Naruke (I may be naive but I'm not stupid enough to have to be reminded of my own mortality), thank you so much for the helpful advice so far.

As I've said, I will definitely be going out to a few events throughout the week (probably not the fancy dress ones, though :P) However, if they're going out and I'm not too tired then I will definitely tag along as I've always found that if I do put in the effort I do fine in social situations, especially when it's people I don't know. JustGeorge is right, I was overthinking every detail, and if I just make sure I'm sociable in one way or another I should be alright. It's really Fresher's that's getting me the most worried, but I think what had me worried most was the notion that I had to force myself to go to something every night to be considered sociable when that's not true. So thanks for all the advice!

Another quick question, I've always been an avid cook and I was wondering whether doing a meal for my flatmates and I during Fresher's Week/Fortnight would be a good idea?
Original post by ToastiestZombie
I've looked up what my Uni is doing and there are a few I want to go to, for example the Film Society I'm looking at joining does its own pub quiz every year, and of course there's the Fresher's Ball, but apart from those few (about 4 in total) I don't think I could handle anything else. After that week when the official events end I'm not sure whether I will want to go to more than 1 night out a week, and I'm worried that limiting myself like that might make me seem unsociable.

This is all such a new experience for me, I have no clue how nights out even start. Legitimate question but will flatmates all go out together, and if so do they invite everyone in the flat regardless of who they are? If I don't go to a night out in the first few weeks would I be invited to another? I honestly don't know.!


Original post by ToastiestZombie


Another quick question, I've always been an avid cook and I was wondering whether doing a meal for my flatmates and I during Fresher's Week/Fortnight would be a good idea?


OK firstly making a meal for everyone will go down well :smile: I did a bit of baking and stuff and people appreciate it, plus there will be people who can't cook and will appreciate a good meal! it's also a nice way to introduce some non-drunk socialising (although people will probably drink still it's not going to be a very drunk party!)

as far as going out over freshers people do vary a bit, I couldn't do every night during freshers and am much more introverted than most and some people really don't like clubbing, others get freshers flu and stuff - you will find people make it their mission to go to everything but you certainly don't have to...

personally I think you need to compromise a little bit over freshers because otherwise people will stop inviting you, so rather than a pub quiz and the ball try and pick a few more events (fancy dress is not so bad and it's a big thing at uni so it's good to try at least one or two - pick something less obnoxious like traffic lights) just to show willing, you don't have to stay out super late during freshers (lots of people are home by 11 cos they drank too much!) and you can always offer to escort drunk flatmates home safe which will get you out early and win you brownie points, after freshers if you do one night a week that won't be a problem at all... you just need to get people in the swing of inviting you at first so you can make friends and then you can say no a bit more

and yes, people just invite everyone from their flat... people tend to go out as flats for the first few weeks as it's an easy group to stick with and then they might make friends with others and go out with them or invite another flat to join them
Original post by doodle_333
OK firstly making a meal for everyone will go down well :smile: I did a bit of baking and stuff and people appreciate it, plus there will be people who can't cook and will appreciate a good meal! it's also a nice way to introduce some non-drunk socialising (although people will probably drink still it's not going to be a very drunk party!)

as far as going out over freshers people do vary a bit, I couldn't do every night during freshers and am much more introverted than most and some people really don't like clubbing, others get freshers flu and stuff - you will find people make it their mission to go to everything but you certainly don't have to...

personally I think you need to compromise a little bit over freshers because otherwise people will stop inviting you, so rather than a pub quiz and the ball try and pick a few more events (fancy dress is not so bad and it's a big thing at uni so it's good to try at least one or two - pick something less obnoxious like traffic lights) just to show willing, you don't have to stay out super late during freshers (lots of people are home by 11 cos they drank too much!) and you can always offer to escort drunk flatmates home safe which will get you out early and win you brownie points, after freshers if you do one night a week that won't be a problem at all... you just need to get people in the swing of inviting you at first so you can make friends and then you can say no a bit more

and yes, people just invite everyone from their flat... people tend to go out as flats for the first few weeks as it's an easy group to stick with and then they might make friends with others and go out with them or invite another flat to join them


Thanks for the advice :smile: I'll have a look at the Student Union Wristband events and see which ones I want to go to. I've posted on my place's Facebook page so hopefully I'll be able to find everyone there so I can see what events my flatmates are going to beforehand. The Ball doesn't clash with any Student Union events so I'll definitely be going to that, though yeah after a second look there are a few other events that I'd be perfectly fine going to (never been to a Foam party before, have no clue what that entails!).

I think as long as I leave my door open and, unless I'm physically ill or something, don't just stay in my room, I should be alright. I'll go with the food idea, I've always loved cooking for other people and in Uni practice makes perfect really.
Original post by ToastiestZombie
Thanks for the advice :smile: I'll have a look at the Student Union Wristband events and see which ones I want to go to. I've posted on my place's Facebook page so hopefully I'll be able to find everyone there so I can see what events my flatmates are going to beforehand. The Ball doesn't clash with any Student Union events so I'll definitely be going to that, though yeah after a second look there are a few other events that I'd be perfectly fine going to (never been to a Foam party before, have no clue what that entails!).

I think as long as I leave my door open and, unless I'm physically ill or something, don't just stay in my room, I should be alright. I'll go with the food idea, I've always loved cooking for other people and in Uni practice makes perfect really.


foam party is just a normal night out but they spray everywhere with foam so you end up wet and dirty lol... I can't go as I'm allergic to the foam (nearly ended up in an ambulance after someone threw it down my throat in first year :/) but people generally enjoy they, it's just a gimmick but going to the gimmicky events will make people remember you a bit more
no it is not okay - I'm in my final year and regret not going out more in first year
Original post by doodle_333
foam party is just a normal night out but they spray everywhere with foam so you end up wet and dirty lol... I can't go as I'm allergic to the foam (nearly ended up in an ambulance after someone threw it down my throat in first year :/) but people generally enjoy they, it's just a gimmick but going to the gimmicky events will make people remember you a bit more


Ah, alright! Well if I'm not allergic then that sounds like a decent time.

Well I've just bought tickets to the big "blowout" event and I'll be getting the Student Union's Wristband along with a ball ticket so that gives me access to pretty much all the big "events" outside of one or two that have sold out already. I'll go to 5 in total I think, gives me two days to rest as I'll definitely be needing them.
Original post by ToastiestZombie
Ah, alright! Well if I'm not allergic then that sounds like a decent time.

Well I've just bought tickets to the big "blowout" event and I'll be getting the Student Union's Wristband along with a ball ticket so that gives me access to pretty much all the big "events" outside of one or two that have sold out already. I'll go to 5 in total I think, gives me two days to rest as I'll definitely be needing them.


that sounds plenty :smile: it's just showing willing for a week and then peopel will be more invested in you and you can relax a bit - they will also be more open to other things once freshers is over
Original post by doodle_333
that sounds plenty :smile: it's just showing willing for a week and then peopel will be more invested in you and you can relax a bit - they will also be more open to other things once freshers is over


Maybe I should have looked earlier because the wristband that matters is apparently sold out: http://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/the-cardiff-freshers-fortnight-2016-tickets-17394090192?aff=es2 Goddammit, I knew something like this would happen.
Original post by Abstract_Prism
There's nothing I love more than being alone. I hate going outside. I'm no good in social situations. I know I would absolutely hate doing freshers events and having to socialise. Talking to people is a seriously psychologically draining experience for me. Not to mention that I am apathetic in general and don't have a lot of interests. Even if talking to people didn't leave me exhausted for the rest of the week, I probably wouldn't find anything that I would really want to go to.

I don't really understand that whole 'Force yourself to go to things you don't think you will enjoy!' argument. What would I gain from it?

I don't expect to make friends, but that's okay, I don't mind! :h:

The only kinds of people that I could possibly be friends with are other hermits like me, and I certainly won't find them at freshers events!


loooool couldn't explain it better.

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