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My boyfriend has slept around a lot and it secretly puts me off.

My boyfriend is older than me and has had a lot of partners. Ive tried my best not to judge people can do as they please but I cant help the fact that i get a little turned off because of it.

When it comes to sex I just secretly feel that he's 'cheapened' himself and could have caught hpv/herpes which they dont generally test for in sti tests. We use protection anyway so im not that worried about my health its just like a negative aura I get during sex. I had one boyfriend before him who had only had 2 partners and felt ok with him.

I spoke to a friend about it and she said she felt the same way about a guy who had lots of past partners but that they didnt get as far as having sex. Ive not told anyone else and i very likely wont tell my bf as im not upsetting him. Just wanted advice

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Reply 1

999tigger

Obviously people sleep with different numbers of parners. you should weigh it up against all his positive attrubutes.
If you feel its seriously putting you off, then appreciate its not something he can do anything about.
That said you get to choose, so if not happy you should call it a day.

Reply 2

username1726117

If you want to be with him, you'll have to accept this past.

That said, I know it can be preferable to find someone with equal or less experience than yourself. Does he share the same sexual VALUES as you? Are you compatible in that regard?

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by 999tigger

Thanks, as i said ive nothing against him for it as people, guys and girls, are free and should be able to sleep with whoever the hell they want to. Its more of like a feeling i have against it that i cant help, thanks for your reply : )

Reply 4

999tigger

Original post by Anonymous

A relationship needs to work for both people. It doesnt look like this one works for you and you arent going to get used to it. You cna decide how your exit stragey might work and in future how these events might influence your choice of partner. No idea of age, so whether you will become more relaxed as you get older? Dont feel guilty, its just one of those things.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Well he said that he would never sleep with just anyone but I guess most people would say that to their partner anyway lol. He did say that he hasnt tended to use condoms in the past as they limit enjoyment and he 'knew they were clean as they wernt promiscuous'. He also believes in the pull out method to prevent pregnancy and that he has 'excellent control' lol. I'l admit im fairly naive to sex so it made me wonder is this a kind of unwritten norm for many people or do most people religiously follow advice on protection given by the NHS? ie wear a condom everytime with their partner (if not on any other contraceptive method). He also said that most people dont get tested. Maybe they dont but if this is the case i dont get how people can be so relaxed.

Reply 6

username1726117

Original post by Anonymous

He did say that he hasnt tended to use condoms in the past as they limit enjoyment and he 'knew they were clean as they wernt promiscuous'.

Original post by Anonymous

He also believes in the pull out method to prevent pregnancy and that he has 'excellent control' lol.

If anything, your boyfriend is a bloody idiot.

I know you use protection but you and him should get checked out, just in case.

Reply 7

yungaheartz

whats happened has happened and you will just have to accept it or leave him.

the past is the past though, leave it there

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 8

Betelgeuse-

Sexist sexist sexist sexist oooomagherrddd you are worse than hitler

Reply 9

user73867

It's fine to feel uncomfortable.

However, you're no virgin yourself, so it's a bit odd. Double standards?

If you were his age, you may very well have slept with the same amount of people.

Reply 10

Nirvana1989-1994

Okay, unless he has some kind of STD, or is making you feel insecure by comparing you to his past partners, I don't really see the problem.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Supersaps

It's fine to feel uncomfortable.

However, you're no virgin yourself, so it's a bit odd. Double standards?

If you were his age, you may very well have slept with the same amount of people.

Hows it double standards, im not asking him to be a virgin. If he had slept with the same amount of people as me (just one) Id be fine, but he's slept around. So the double standards comment doesnt make sense.

Reply 12

username47781

Original post by Anonymous

But he is with you now right? Just because he has a past does not mean he doesn't want to be with you. If you don't like it then dump him.

Reply 13

ELVsLP

hes older and has always been single and you expected him to still be a virgin for the day he met you? c'mon now...

Reply 14

Pucizza

OP, do you come from a conservative background? Nothing bad with that, but I kind of was taken aback at your defining his having had an active sex life as "cheapening".

Reply 15

username2768016

If you feel very strongly about this, you'll only grow to resent him in the future.

If you can't accept his sexual past, then the relationship will fall apart - regardless of whether you confide in your boyfriend or not.

Seriously consider your options. If you love him, try and make it work. If you can't make it work, call it a day.

Good luck :smile:

Reply 16

doodle_333

Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about it. It's pretty normal to feel jealous and it comes up often on here that people are insecure if they have partners who've slept with a lot more people. The question is what you do with it. Firstly, it sounds like he's not been careful about keeping himself safe so I would ask him to take an STI test, it's pretty normal to do this when you get into a relationship with a new partner anyway. After that I think all you can do is try and forget it. Do you think about your previous partner? Probably not. So it's not different for him, even if there's more previous partners. He can't undo sleeping with people. It doesn't mean he doesn't value you or value sex... it may mean he's had lots of relationships which haven't worked out or it may mean he once had a phase of casual sex but has changed his mind abut what he wants. Either way all you can do is try not to think about it.

Reply 17

sund1ata

If genders were reversed, there would be a lot of angry feminists commenting here. This says nothing about him but everything about you. The bad vibes are strictly your own. Hopefully he'll be sensitive enough to pick up on it and move on to somebody more deserving of his care.

Posted from TSR Mobile

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 18

MagnumPhoenix

The amount of people someone has slept with doesn't 'cheapen' their value as a human being. Grow up...

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

Original post by sund1ata

If genders were reversed Id like to bet that most guys would say they would not date a girl who had slept around a lot, or a 'slut'. In fact in this tsr thread most guys voted they wouldnt :tongue: