How do I know if a girl is only after my money?

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again, it's like you don't even remember what you have already told me - in factr in this very message you said that my mother, sister, the gf of the OP (etc) were within the category of "women who expect men to pay" - so if you're saying basically every female in my family then it's pretty obvious what you're trying to tell me.

no, they do the classic "purse grab" gesture. that's not offering ****. it barely even counts as pretending. because it's so obviously insincere.

there we go^ casual display of pure hypocrisy

if I said that prostitutes were better...how did you get the idea that I was saying that prostitutes were "wrong"? if you're telling me that I think prostitutes are bad (even though you obviously seem to think they are if you take this kind of offence via my comparison) then why are you saying girls in general are bad? you said "you're sounding like a girl" as if it was a blatant insult attempt

Is this a lover's tiff we are having right now ? Because seriously your angry responses are starting to turn me on a little bit now.

First of all i'm not offended, I was just replying back to you so you got it wrong just like you did when you thought i was implying that you can only get women by paying for prostitutes. if i meant it in that way i would have just written it exactly like that. it's you who really believes that that's why you wrote it, I just wrote good luck in paying for prostitutes. I was just having a laugh but your're taking the whole thing so serious with references to prostitues and women being lower than pro's .
I do believe you have serious anger issues with your exes so you should contact them all to resolve it or you will take your appalling view of women into any future relationships.
My first original reply to you was to inform you and everybody else to watch the celeb dating show because a woman on it dumped a man just because he let her pay when she offered so i dont get what you were so angry about the first time then going on a rant about prostitutes. I didnt even give my opinion then except about how the woman should have given him a chance because she might have ended up with a nice boyfriend.

So i need to ask you serious question right now, wtf are you so angry about ?
Is it the worst crime in the world if some women expect a man to pay on a date ?
Although i do still believe a real gentleman would not ask on a first date because it is a slight turn off and it's not a great way to try to impress a woman but
If any man thinks a woman should pay half that's perfectly fine but it's the woman's choice if she wants to or not, I just wrote it was a scumbag move because i meant if you don't have that discussion before you go on the date and just tell the woman after you finish eating the meal and also to wind you up a little bit.
You should try to get a sense of humour and not be so serious all the time because a lack of humour is a big turn off to women.

Reply 61

Lavaridge

Original post by sleepysnooze

**** traditions - if a woman is going to enforce a ******** sexist tradition on me then I want nothing to do with her

She won't try to enforce it, she'll just be aware that you've prioritised the £10 over being a gentleman, and infer from that something about how much you really wanted the date to succeed. I have a feeling, though, that when you do find a woman who you want to take on a date, you'll be more interested in making a good impression than in making a political statement.

I think of it more like a playing a game. It's such a minuscule amount of money and, if I like the woman I'm seeing, I'm not going to think that she's a gold-digger for not insisting that she pays half (although I would certainly see it as bonus points for her if she offered). Really, it's not like she benefits from me paying either. If she has any half-decent job, the cost of one meal out is pittance.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 62

john2054

I think my daugher is a scrounger. She expected me to buy her a frappe AND a subway for lunch. Jeez golddiggers

Spoiler

Reply 63

sleepysnooze

Original post by Lavaridge

1) if it's such a small amount of money then it wouldn't matter if she had to split that small amount then. and it would make a really good impression if she split it with me. it would show that she's not just after my money and that she's genuinely interested in me as a human being with a personality.
2) if it's a first date and I hardly know her, why on earth would I pay for her very expensive food? I mean, let's say £20 was the price we're talking about here - why on earth would I spend money that I'd have to work 3 hours to earn on some girl whom I don't know very well? why would I be so pathetic? that would look bad. honestly, this makes no sense and I don't know why you're supporting this tradition.

Reply 64

sleepysnooze

Original post by john2054

I think my daugher is a scrounger. She expected me to buy her a frappe AND a subway for lunch. Jeez golddiggers

Spoiler

I hope you're joking with this comparison...I mean, you might have put ":P" in the spoiler bar...but honestly...I mean, your daughter is a little child. grown-ass women aren't little girls.

Reply 65

Lavaridge

Original post by sleepysnooze

Absolutely, I already conceded that refusing to be paid for brings extra bonus points on her part. But if you've initiated the date, you have more responsibility to impress, and both of you know that this is the custom. I'm not saying you have to pay if you can't afford to, just that it makes a good impression.

Original post by sleepysnooze

2) if it's a first date and I hardly know her, why on earth would I pay for her very expensive food? I mean, let's say £20 was the price we're talking about here - why on earth would I spend money that I'd have to work 3 hours to earn on some girl whom I don't know very well? why would I be so pathetic? that would look bad. honestly, this makes no sense and I don't know why you're supporting this tradition.

If £20 means a lot to you, and the woman is of similar financial means to yourself, then maybe you shouldn't invite her somewhere so expensive that she might also not want to pay for it. Also, from the way you're talking, it sounds as if you don't plan to even like this hypothetical woman, or be that confident that your dates will turn into a relationship. Obviously I wouldn't advise dating or paying for a date if you don't think the time and money is worth it.

But to attempt a justification for the custom: If I'm the one asking a girl out, asking someone who doesn't really know me to take time out of her life to give me a chance at winning her over, why is it so wrong for me to pay? Maybe she'll want to 'date me back' and, if she does, she can pay for the next meal, or go 50/50.
And the same applies in reverse. It's about who asks out whom and not who is which sex. My and my ex's first date was organized by her - she took me out for a meal and offered to pay for both of us. I might have even let her, I can't remember, but it certainly wouldn't have been right for her to ask me to pay for both of us just because I was male. At the time I was pretty ambivalent about going on the date, so offering to pay was just a nice gesture on her part.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 66

sleepysnooze

Original post by Lavaridge

what constitutes "initiate"?
if my friend says "hey man, wanna go to the movies tomorrow?" does that mean he "initiated" the event and therefore must pay for everything?
and I don't care what the custom is - I care about what makes sense. slavery could be a a custom and it wouldn't phase me one bit, and it's kind of worrying that you care about custom to this extent

If £20 means a lot to you, and the woman is of similar financial means to yourself, then maybe you shouldn't invite her somewhere so expensive that she might also not want to pay for it.

why would she be *that* financially irresponsible in 2016? you're telling me that she might "forget her wallet", right? as in, both her money and her (debit) cards? what if she needed to be ID'd?

Also, from the way you're talking, it sounds as if you don't plan to even like this hypothetical woman, or be that confident that your dates will turn into a relationship. Obviously I wouldn't advise dating or paying for a date if you don't think the time and money is worth it.

I wouldn't be attracted to a woman who expected me to pay 100% of a date, no. that's utter stoneage ********.

But to attempt a justification for the custom: If I'm the one asking a girl out, asking someone who doesn't really know me to take time out of her life to give me a chance at winning her over,

lol "winning her over"?! you're assuming she has absolutely no interested in *you* though. if she was interested in *you*, why is the man paying for the date so important? if she liked *you*, she'd be just as up for a date as you. so it's not a burden for her and she should pay like a bloody adult should. women in 2016 aren't special snowflakes anymore. they've got jobs and **** now. they can pay just as much as men.

why is it so wrong for me to pay? Maybe she'll want to 'date me back' and, if she does, she can pay for the next meal, or go 50/50.

what happened to custom all of a sudden?

And the same applies in reverse. It's about who asks out whom and not who is which sex. My and my ex's first date was organized by her - she took me out for a meal and offered to pay for both of us. I might have even let her, I can't remember, but it certainly wouldn't have been right for her to ask me to pay for both of us just because I was male. At the time I was pretty ambivalent about going on the date, so offering to pay was just a nice gesture on her part.

oh come on. don't give me that. you *know* that women basically never ask out men. so you're basically just saying this to justify yourself. but it's not even a justification - that's the thing - it will never be justified to say that whoever comes up with the idea to do something with somebody else *must* pay for it, like I already said earlier.

Reply 67

Lavaridge

Spoiler

Unnecessarily long point-by-point retort in the spoilertext ^^^

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For a final observation, can I just point out that an undertone in a lot of what you write suggests that most women just want to take men's money or have all the nice things they want paid for by a man - or that men who want to play the gentleman every now and again are cucks or otherwise misguided. This is just not true in general. Date any woman with an actual career or an actual brain and you'll find she'll feel nothing but guilt if she thought you were going out of your way - financially or otherwise - to give her more than she gave you overall. The occasional treat of a nice meal out is not the same as being a sugar daddy, and you'll probably find it gets reciprocated.

That's all I'm going to say on the surprisingly involved subject of "Why choosing to pay for your partner on a first date isn't necessarily a horrible idea".

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 68

sleepysnooze

Original post by Lavaridge

Yeah, but the custom doesn't really cost anything, slavery did.

it costs something though - money. but why does it have to cost specifically men money? imagine if we had a custom where "the black people have to pay for us"? that's just as biological as gender is.

And I don't really care that much, I've already said countless times that you can do what you want. I just said that the woman will probably notice, and may *correctly* gauge that you're not paying because you care more about making a political statement than just playing along and having fun with a harmless, essentially costless gesture.

note the little word "essentially" (as a synonym for "substantial"...)
in my context, "essentially costless" = 3 hours of wage labour. that's almost half of my full day's pay. if it's so "essentially costless", why not give me £20 if it's so costless? you're a nice gentleman, right? (I'm obviously joking but you get my point)

No, I'm not saying that. She should always be prepared to pay, like I said it's only a custom, it would be irresponsible and inexcusably presumptuous for her to rely on it. I'm saying that if you hardly know someone, why would you expect them to want to go to a really expensive restaurant with you?

who said "really expensive"? all restaurants are pretty expensive these days - why would youi assume I mean the most expensive ones, or words to that effect?

To borrow from your friend example, it would be like choosing an expensive location for a birthday party and expecting your friends to fork out for it. Obviously it's wrong for them to turn up with empty wallets, but it's also wrong for you to pressure them to come somewhere you consider very expensive in the first place unless you are somewhat subsidizing the cost.

um, if I went to the movies for my birthday, I'm not going to be paying for everybody's entry. if it's my birthday, that's the last thing I'm going to expect. in fact, I expect the opposite, don't I? and just because they consented to coming, via my request, that doesn't mean they don't want to come, as if I have to buy them out.

My reason for making that point is only that you said you consider her meal to be too expensive for you to be able to harmlessly engage in the custom - so I'm suggesting you could always go somewhere cheaper or just buy her a drink.

like I said, most places these days, save maybe mcdonalds (or worse), are expensive.

If you already know each other well, you'll probably end up just going for a drink one night and ****ing. That's how most relationships I know of start. I'm talking about a first date with someone you don't know all that well, and to whom you are trying to impress in a short time.

I don't need to impress anybody with how much money I have though. I don't want to attract the wrong crowd.

I keep saying *first date* for a reason. A woman who expects the man to pay more for dates and the relationship in general is a completely different kettle of fish to one who gets a nice feeling from having the man offer to pay on the first date. And of course, there are more and more women who don't even appreciate the latter, which is totally fine as well.

if she's that immature that it actually substantially affects her opinion of me that I don't even care about a girl like that, do I. in fact, buying a girl even a drink at a nightclub is ******** too. in fact, every time I've taken home a girl, I never had to buy her a drink first. every time I bought a girl a drink as a gesture, nothing happened. you can tell me it might be coincidence but I'm giving you my own personal experience.

also, why is "first" date important? why is "first" different to second? what happens on the second in terms of the genders?

Yes, men ask out women more often, but that's slowly turning the other way.

...as too is the "man pays" rule, surely?

And nobody's saying *must* - I was only trying to say that if you ever find yourself in the position of wanting to ask out a woman you like, you might think it more to your advantage to play the gentleman than to make a statement;

you have this weird idea of "gentlemanly" as practically meaning "treating the girl like a child" - why would I need to pay a grown woman for her food? hell, what if she's older than I am? what if she makes more? what if her background is more prestigeous? is my gender alone going to determine something as stupid as this? but why? at least "why" in 2016?

and that it's totally harmless if that's what people do want to do, it doesn't mean women are gold-diggers. It's a fun little role-play that many women - and men - enjoy every now and again. It doesn't require a significant financial imbalance in the relationship overall.

a "fun little role playing game of making the man pay for my food" lol

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For a final observation, can I just point out that an undertone in a lot of what you write is that most women just want to take men's money or have all the nice things they want paid for by a man.

oh cool, that means it's totally unimportant if we split the bill if it's this arbitrary in its nature. sweet one.

This is just not true in general. Date any woman with an actual career or an actual brain and you'll find she'll feel nothing but guilt if she thought you were going out of your way - financially or otherwise - to give her more than she gave you overall.

why would I give her more, though? why me? surely it should be mutually advantageous? why would you introduce this imbalance?

The occasional treat of a nice meal out is not the same as being a sugar daddy, and you'll probably find it gets reciprocated.

if I want something like *that* I don't need to take a girl out in the first place - night clubs do the trick if you're talking about *that*. if I meet a girl in a more usual environment then I'm probably not going to need to take her anywhere if we both like each other.

That's all I'm going to say on the surprisingly involved subject of "Why choosing to pay for your partner on a first date isn't necessarily a horrible idea".

it's still a stupid and undermining concept for one gender over another.

Reply 69

john2054

Original post by sleepysnooze

I hope you're joking with this comparison...I mean, you might have put ":P" in the spoiler bar...but honestly...I mean, your daughter is a little child. grown-ass women aren't little girls.

have you ever heard of the terms irony or sarcasm?

Reply 70

sleepysnooze

Original post by john2054

have you ever heard of the terms irony or sarcasm?

...you know that plain text doesn't convey sarcasm as well as voice audio, right? don't blame me for your ":P" holding a potential "I'm joking, or am I (given the context of the sentence being already a joke) not conveying it as much as you wanted

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 71

yudothis

Original post by Anonymous

I need advice. I have a girlfriend who likes to live a certain way due to her family back ground. We both come from affluent families and I am worried that she is only with me because I can provide the sort of lifestyle she has become accustomed too

What is a gold digger? Someone who just wants the "money".

What if she saw the way she acts, with her mum and dad, and thinks it's normal? She might not be just for the money but the money is necessary.

Reply 72

DJSmith

They'll be a jack hammer and a helmet with a torch on the front hidden underneath the bed.

Gold digger. :frown:

Reply 73

ifyoumustlive

if her family is wealthy why would she need a bf with a wealthy family? you're both on the same level monetarily (unless you are earning a **** tonne of money independently from your famiy?)

Reply 74

Judge Judy

Original post by donutellme

Sounds like you missed the point. Why do you think guys SHOULD pay?

I decided to answer your question with a question
Why SHOULD'NT guys pay ?
Answer that one

Or even better still answer this too:
If you met a famous Supermodel or celebrity like JLo, Kim Kardashian, Lindsey Lohan or just any ordinary beautiful woman would you ask her to pay half ?
And remember you're trying to impress her so you can secure a second date
If any man says no then you are liars. Some men might ask an ordinary woman whether she is beautiful or not to go 50/50 but you would not dare to ask that with celebrities and supermodels.

On Wednesday on celeb dating agency that girl Charlotte Crosby off of Geordie Shore went on a date and she asked the man, how should we pay for this date ? And he said he will pay and he said he would never let a girl pay so i thought that was so lovely and he acted like a true gent ( unlike Sleepy pants )and she was impressed by that too but if he had said lets go 50/50 i guarantee you that the next day or a few days later Charlotte would have remembered that he asked her to pay half and that she would use that as a convenient excuse when deciding to dump him.
But i will continue to write more tomorrow as i can't be bothered right now as Sleepy pants drained all my energy trying to start beef with me so i did not continue to write about my experience and why i don't pay on a first date before.
What other women choose to do is up to them

Reply 75

Judge Judy

Original post by donutellme

Sounds like you missed the point. Why do you think guys SHOULD pay?

I think i meant if any man says yes, they would still ask a supermodel or celebrity to pay half then they are liars

Reply 76

john2054

Original post by sleepysnooze

I was joking, okay?

Reply 77

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I really doubt she is only after your money, but it is definitely an important requirement.

I am also certain she choose you mainly because you were both a nice guy and can provide with the same lifestyle she is accustomed.

It would be weird if she is not going out with someone who is nice and with money considering she is a 10/10 (you said it) and also with money.

I believe you are feeling insecure and it doesn't mean it is your fault, she may have done something you felt wrong. I don't know what spiked this insecurity, but you will need to have a resolute mind to solve it.

Your question was "How do I know if a girl is only after my money?", but there is no such a thing "only after your money", even gold diggers are ladies who are "aggressively" after their dreams where money is an essential part of it. It is just a way of living I guess. :confused:

P.S. There was a strange discussion about if a guy should pay fully or half on a date or first date. I would like to give my opinion, hopefully it will help someone, but bare in mind I had less than 6 dates in my whole life, hence, I am not a pro. :tongue:

There are three different situations I can think at the moment:
1) I like the lady and I ask her out: (most common)

Normally I would pay for everything because I invited her and it shouldn't be that expensive since I organised the date.

For those ladies who are femminist or those who insist to pay half and half or their own, I would tell them simply "Since I invited you, it's on me. If you enjoyed the date, next time we can split or it's on you :smile:

*smile*". That is all I would do and if she freaks out I guess she is not the right one :frown:

.

2) She asked me out. (rare)

Normally I would pay the things I get (eg. coffee, tickets, foods or whatever).

If she stops me, I let her do like she wants and not pay for the thing I was going to pay.

If it is a good quality restaurants, I would let her pay fully because she invited me. If it was organised by both, it would belong on the following scenario.

3) We organise together. (common)

Normaly, it is organised and known who pay for what. If it is not clear, I would pay for my own things. According to the situation I may pay for her share as well. Those situations you need to go with your guts and if you make her angry, you will see her angry and learn the lesson. :h:

Lastly, this is a date, I am trying to get to know her and nothing else. :h:

Reply 78

Blimey1000

Original post by Anonymous

Well is your money going to last a life time? if yes, then you don't have a problem, if no, then you do..

Reply 79

Judge Jules

Original post by donutellme

Sounds like you missed the point. Why do you think guys SHOULD pay?

You still have not answered the question of why guys SHOULD NOT pay ?
Anyway i got caught up with Sleepypants trying to start beef with me so i did not get to finish why i personally will not pay
A long time ago i went on a blind date. We went to the west end in Leister square and were trying to figure out where to go. I wanted to go to the cheap cinema called Prince Charles or Prince of Wales Cinema because i did not have much money and i was intending to pay for myself which was £5 or less, i can't remember exactly but he wanted to go to a Mexican restaurant. I told him at least 2 or 3 times i did not want to go there or to any restaurant but he insisted so he ordered the starter of cheesy Tortilla chips and dip which cost £10 but i did not order anything just incase he asked me to pay for it so he offered me some of his but i refused so after he finished he then had the cheek to ask me to pay half. I really regret paying and wish i had the balls to just sa y No.
I don't even think he had any intention of ordering a proper meal afterwards which i would not have ordered anyway but thank God he did'nt.
After we parted to go home I never contacted him again

Then another time i went on a date with someone else and i was at his house and he took all his change out of his pockets and put them on a table to change into something different. I can't remember what happened or where we went afterwards but i do remember on our way back and he was going to drive me to the station he said he was running low on petrol then searched all his pockets and said he has no money because he left it at home on the table and asked me to pay for the petrol and he said he would give it back to me but i said don't bother even though it was my last money. I'm not sure if he would have paid me back anyway and i did not want to see him again to collect the money.

Now back then i did'nt mind paying half for anything as long as we have that discussion before we meet up but i don't like stupid men who ask me to pay after they finished eating their meal or pretending they have no money
( although i don't think he left his money deliberately ) but i still don't like men who forget to bring their money or are stupid enough not to check their bank account before they leave home or don't go to a cash point machine before they walk in to a restaurant to meet their date as there are lots of cash machines almost everywhere

So because of that i decided i'm not paying for anything on a first date or probably on any dates but also because i had a **** job and did not earn much and only had £20 or £30 after paying bills, etc. That's just my choice but if i was in a relationship then i don't mind paying half or in full for both of us and i would buy them presents and other stuff they like and not just on birthdays and at christmas because i love buying presents for other people.

Years later after those dates i went on another blind date and this guy was rich. He loved boasting about how much money he earns and how he can't believe how stupid the company he works for pays him such a ridiculous wage. He does presentations and speeches for the company he works for. He took me to Oxford Street and told me i can have anything i wanted. I just got a t shirt and boots but i did not feel comfortable buying stuff while he was there. I prefer to go shopping on my own and i did not really enjoy choosing stuff because i prefer to pay for my own stuff. If it was someone i'm in a relationship with then i would have enjoyed going on a spending spree and i would do the same for anyone else. We went to an expensive restaurant that cost £100 and he paid and did not ask me to pay half
( take note Sleepypants ).
On our way back in his car when he was taking me back to the station he asked me if i want his engaement ring he bought for his ex. It cost £30,000 but i said no and told him to give it to the next woman he marries or he could pawn it to get some money back.
Now remember I'm poor so of course i'd love that ring as i could pawn it dozens of times to finance myself but i would never sell it out right. But that's what i would have done if i had accepted the ring but i did not think it was right to take it because we only met that same day and i knew i was not interested in seeing him again but even if i did want to see him again i would not have taken the ring unless we had been dating a long time.
Now that's what you call a real gentleman not Sleepypants who takes women home for sex without even buying them a drink first.

( I could not use my tablet for 2 days as the charger would not work and when i tried to login to tsr using my mobile it kept rejecting my password so i have to sort that out on Monday so i had to create a new account with a new user name Judge Jules. I wanted to call myself Judge SleepySnooze but it rejected the name because it was too long )
Sorry this is so long, I know i should really send 2 or 3 short replies but sometimes i can't be bothered to stop and send shorter replies because i'm trying to finish it quickly.