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Why monogamy?

I've never given it any thought I've always assumed that monogamy was the only right way and what-not. however, recently thinking about it, I couldn't find any logical reason for monogamous relationships. I have not been in a relationship yet.
So is there any reason that monogamy is actually right? Why are the vast majority of relationships monogamous in today's society?
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JCal
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Considerably less spread of STIs.
Original post by pinkisthefloyd
I've never given it any thought I've always assumed that monogamy was the only right way and what-not. however, recently thinking about it, I couldn't find any logical reason for monogamous relationships. I have not been in a relationship yet.
So is there any reason that monogamy is actually right? Why are the vast majority of relationships monogamous in today's society?


Because we don't like to share.
Because I'd like to be with the person I love and raise a family together ?
In a mindset where sex is just fulfilling your own sexual needs there is no reason for it. But if you want to go for a serious relationship then I would personally not be able to live in polygamy. A least for me sex is another step in sharing intimacy with another human being and just like I would not walk up to a random person to share my secrets I would also not sleep around with people I don't know and seek a partner with a similar view. Its that feeling that your are special for someone and making that other person feel the same way.

Polygamy is tempting, but I think it ultimately destroys something, though that may sound very idealistic. However, consider how in countries where people have a very liberal attitude (Scandinavian countries for example) statistics show they are also often more lonely.
Original post by Blank_Planet
In a mindset where sex is just fulfilling your own sexual needs there is no reason for it. But if you want to go for a serious relationship then I would personally not be able to live in polygamy. A least for me sex is another step in sharing intimacy with another human being and just like I would not walk up to a random person to share my secrets I would also not sleep around with people I don't know and seek a partner with a similar view. Its that feeling that your are special for someone and making that other person feel the same way.


I think it ultimately destroys something, though that may sound very idealistic.

I'm not just talking about sex. I'm also talking about having a relationship, being intimate with more than 1 person. Isn't intimacy a good thing? Why should we be intimate, reveal our darkest secrets, show who we are etc., only to 1 person? I'm not talking about a random stranger; I'm talking about someone you know. Someone you might develop feelings for even when you are with a different person. Why choose? And of course, the physical also, why have sex with only 1 person?

Original post by Blank_Planet
I think it ultimately destroys something, though that may sound very idealistic.


Actually that is my opinion too. I would never stand for a polygamous relationship. But while I was thinking about it, I realized that I actually didn't have any reason for it. It just seemed like an idealistic viewpoint that I had.
Original post by JCal
Considerably less spread of STIs.


That's actually a good point
Actually that is my opinion too. I would never stand for a polygamous relationship. But while I was thinking about it, I realized that I actually didn't have any reason for it. It just seemed like an idealistic viewpoint that I had.


Seems like we are reaching the point of the conversation where it all goes down to "what is human nature like". Frankly, I don't feel like I have anything smart to add other that the fact that we both have a similar intuition might actually indicate an answer.

Answering your question about why should we open up to only one person I would say that we do indeed open up to different people, we all have friends, colleagues and acquaintances, but despite your best intentions you can't keep up very close relationships with everybody even if they are really cool people. The reason for this is in my opinion very trivial: you have limited time (and energy) to socialize. Someone once told me that you have at most 10 "slots" for close relationships (family, friends, partner), but I think only one of these is a "premium slot". You mentioned that you have never been in a relationship. Trust me, it one of the most time consuming things under the sun :/
Because I could never love two people equally. And the idea of not being my person's only person makes me sad.

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Also it's proven that single mothers who have boys usually don't do as well at school and more likely to go to prison, which is what happens when you encourage promiscuity and polygamous relationships, besides, what's the point in being in a relationship with multiple people ?, unless you're a sex crazed lunatic.
I don't think monogamy is objectively "right", it's just most people's preference.

In fact humans have certainly not evolved to be naturally monogamous. Much of our thoughts and behaviours when it comes to sex and relationships have resulted from the fact that men can impregnate many women at once, and should do so in order to have the best chance of passing on their genes, whilst women have a much more limited number of attempts at having children and must select fathers more carefully to give their few children the best chance of survival (i.e. those who will provide good genes, resources, protection etc. not necessarily all coming from the same man).

It's actually relatively recent that we have developed this "one man for one woman" concept, and I'm guessing it's due to some of St. Paul's ideas that ended up driving major Christian values. Since then, monogamy has been assumed to be the "default" relationship model, whilst polygamy is frowned upon as a form of deviance ("Is one person not enough for you like everyone else? Are you not able to fully satisfy your partner like everyone else?" etc.)*As a result of our culture developing this way, monogamy has become a personal preference that is shared by the vast majority of people (at least superficially, until they start being unfaithful that is.)

Having said that, monogamy does have some advantages. For example, I think even historically it was more typical for women to remain monogamous so that, should they have conceived children, there would be no doubt over whom the father was.
A sense of security I guess. Can't imagine sharing myself between two people or having to share someone with another person*
Original post by tazarooni89
It's actually relatively recent that we have developed this "one man for one woman" concept, and I'm guessing it's due to some of St. Paul's ideas that ended up driving major Christian values.


But all civilized cultures are have monogamous relationship models, its not just a European or Judeo-Christian thing.
Mainly because I could never bear the idea of someone else having my partner as well as me. I've seen people do polyamory and while I don't really hold it against them, I could never do it personally.
Original post by Blank_Planet
But all civilized cultures are have monogamous relationship models, its not just a European or Judeo-Christian thing.


I think Western culture has been a pretty huge influence all over the world in recent times, not just in Europe or Judeo-Christian areas.

For example there are many countries in the Middle East and Africa where polygamy is legal, explicitly permitted by their religious values, and historically nothing has ever been thought to be wrong with it. However it is frowned upon and viewed with some distaste by most people even there now. I think that's mainly to do with western media being so widely available and popular everywhere in the world, as well as the global influence of western imperialism earlier on, both of which have led to the adoption of many aspects of western culture to a significant extent. Of course, this has ultimately been fuelled by Christian values too.

If we consider the world a couple of thousand years ago before the spread of Roman Catholicism, I think we'd find that polygamous practices were far more widespread, or at least accepted in most parts of the world. Certainly none of the world's other major religions at the time had an explicit, blanket ban upon it.

We could also consider the prevalence of monogamy and polygamy in other parts of the world that have been largely isolated from the influence of Christianisation and Westernisation. But then we in the West are naturally going to be quite reluctant to think of those societies as being particularly "civilised", which is the qualifier that you've used in your post.
(edited 7 years ago)
What you think: You both will be sleeping with other people

reality: She sleeps with other people and you masturbate.
Original post by pinkisthefloyd
I've never given it any thought I've always assumed that monogamy was the only right way and what-not. however, recently thinking about it, I couldn't find any logical reason for monogamous relationships. I have not been in a relationship yet.
So is there any reason that monogamy is actually right? Why are the vast majority of relationships monogamous in today's society?

because it is exceptionally fulfilling to love and be loved by another person, and whenever we introduce more people into the mix there is always the risk that one partner will leave the other for a better match later on which destroys that sense of fulfilment and replaces it with all sorts of negative emotions.

those negative emotions almost always lead to the relationship breaking down.

basically the less invested in the relationship the less hurt you will be if it break but the feelings in the relationship will be far more shallow
but the more invested you are the opposite is true for all of this, and the feeling of loving and being loved is probally the no.1 driving force behind all of human nature.

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