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I struggle making Friends

I struggle making friends,whether its the internet or real life i am horrible at it (lol i barely know anyone here) i had induction day at college today and it was awful. I talked to a few people and even almost became 'acquaintances' but then i just happened to somehow push them away. I have a few friends from my previous school with me but they are making friends and i don't wanna be like barging in on their new friend group thingy. Many of my best friends have gone to a different schools and my best friend well she is with me but we are like at completely opposite ends of the campus..idk.


Any advice?

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*big super hug*

Not going to lie, I've felt like crying all day because I feel very much the same to you. It's a somewhat comforting yet disappointing feeling to know someone else is in a similar boat to myself, and I can only hope that things do get better for you; from what I've seen, you're a very pleasant individual. I don't want to talk about myself too much, but just to point out the similarities; I had very few friends in High School and College, no social life outside of education hours, and whilst I have a lot of friends I often feel excluded, and I struggle to meet anyone new.

In terms of advice, it's all pretty much standard stuff that appears to work for 90% of people. Pursue your dreams, invest in yourself, do things that make you happy and that you take an interest in. You'll meet like-minded people along the way and cultivate friendships from there. Don't be pushy, don't be distance, try to strike a balance when establishing new friendships. Be proactive also, arranging to go out to places or maybe just get a bite to eat. Online friendships are a little harder given their nature, but rule of thumb is to just message them and strike a conversation. I've messaged maybe ten people on this site that I've been genuinely interested in getting to know; only four respond back on a regular basis, the others just stop bothering, but at the end of the day you'll click with some people and not others, some people will reciprocate and some won't. Try, fail, and try again. It can be disheartening, but don't give up.

If nothing else, my inbox is always open to you. :h:
Awh *big hug back* thank you for the advice hopefully i can get the guts to actually approach new people, i just have a fear approaching people, which is mainly a fear of rejection, BUT I SHALL GIVE IT A TRY!
Original post by retro_turtles
I struggle making friends,whether its the internet or real life i am horrible at it (lol i barely know anyone here) i had induction day at college today and it was awful. I talked to a few people and even almost became 'acquaintances' but then i just happened to somehow push them away. I have a few friends from my previous school with me but they are making friends and i don't wanna be like barging in on their new friend group thingy. Many of my best friends have gone to a different schools and my best friend well she is with me but we are like at completely opposite ends of the campus..idk.


Any advice?


mememememmeem literally me
Reply 4
I know exactly where all of ye are coming from. starting college at 18 years being shy not being able to make small talk and hardly ever talking to my course class mates and when i did talk to them it was only about course work, class exams nothing more, this is how i spend my four years in college, i never socialized. last September i did a years course in fitness and i enjoyed it. but i found that i was able to talk to my class mates not only about the course but also about everyday things. when we are younger we think that we have to have it all figured out make friends (tick) find the right course in college for you and see it through to the end (tick) get a job (tick) make lots of money (tick) real easy, but no one tells us how to do any of these things, we are all in the dark hoping for the best and when everything falls apart we tell ourselves we have failed because we didnt do it like everyone else. since i turned 24 years its like something clicked ive stopped being afraid to talk to people in case i said the wrong thing and in situations where i would of said no i now say yes. you have to tell yourself that you are strong, wonderful, amazing and just as good as everyone else. we are all humans who have feelings and emotions just like you. people arent going to bite your head off or tear strips off you just because you have the guts to say hi. Try and join some clubs or societies in your college this will also help with making friends. you are still young and have all the time to figure things out your own way and not what others expect from you.You will meet people whom you have similar interest, you dont need to make a whole bunch of friends all together just find one person and go from there. i hope this helps.
Hi,

I know the feeling, I've been there before.

Perhaps once you are into the course, you will start making friends, whether it on on your course or if you are hanging out with people on your course, you may make friends of their friends or meet people outside of your course.

You can join clubs at college, which could something interesting like a sports club, start talking and make friends that way.

Other ways to make friends are joining clubs outside of college, once again this could be salsa dancing or something interesting of your choice.

Also, I will send you a PM later.

And you are always welcome to pm me if you want to :smile:.
(edited 7 years ago)
Reply 6
I'll be your friend!
The only friends I have are in a different country at the moment or like 4 hour drive away.
Original post by retro_turtles
I struggle making friends,whether its the internet or real life i am horrible at it (lol i barely know anyone here) i had induction day at college today and it was awful. I talked to a few people and even almost became 'acquaintances' but then i just happened to somehow push them away. I have a few friends from my previous school with me but they are making friends and i don't wanna be like barging in on their new friend group thingy. Many of my best friends have gone to a different schools and my best friend well she is with me but we are like at completely opposite ends of the campus..idk.


Any advice?


My advice is focus on the fact that you actually do already have friends, and even someone to call a best friend. I've never had a best friend, it was my birthday recently and one of my two friends said they didn't want to come just because, so now I'm down to literally one friend, and I can't call her my best friend because she already has her own best friend so that would be weird. So it could be a lot worse for you but it isn't, so make the most of it and just walk to the other side of the campus.
Original post by retro_turtles
I struggle making friends,whether its the internet or real life i am horrible at it (lol i barely know anyone here) i had induction day at college today and it was awful. I talked to a few people and even almost became 'acquaintances' but then i just happened to somehow push them away. I have a few friends from my previous school with me but they are making friends and i don't wanna be like barging in on their new friend group thingy. Many of my best friends have gone to a different schools and my best friend well she is with me but we are like at completely opposite ends of the campus..idk.

Any advice?


I get what you mean haha, I feel the same sometimes. I think with me it's mainly just nerves about people liking me or not but now that I've settled into college I'm okay. I've been through a couple of different groups just kinda talking to different people but now I've kinda settled with some guys that I get along with really well :smile: Send me a message if you want someone to talk to though :smile:
Original post by wightsnowolf
I get what you mean haha, I feel the same sometimes. I think with me it's mainly just nerves about people liking me or not but now that I've settled into college I'm okay. I've been through a couple of different groups just kinda talking to different people but now I've kinda settled with some guys that I get along with really well :smile: Send me a message if you want someone to talk to though :smile:


is it bad that i don't want to make new friends?
Original post by spanker
I'll be your friend!
The only friends I have are in a different country at the moment or like 4 hour drive away.


Hola amigo!
Original post by retro_turtles
is it bad that i don't want to make new friends?


Not really bad not in my opinion anyway, are you saying that as in you'd prefer to just stay close to the friends you have now rather than meet new people?
Original post by retro_turtles
I struggle making friends,whether its the internet or real life i am horrible at it (lol i barely know anyone here) i had induction day at college today and it was awful. I talked to a few people and even almost became 'acquaintances' but then i just happened to somehow push them away. I have a few friends from my previous school with me but they are making friends and i don't wanna be like barging in on their new friend group thingy. Many of my best friends have gone to a different schools and my best friend well she is with me but we are like at completely opposite ends of the campus..idk.


Any advice?


I am an expert on this topic :wink:, but it was tough to get to the stage I am at. Here are my tips.

1. Smile, smile to everyone. Be enthusiastic people know that you are new so you will be able to make friends easily. Also remember to have open body language.

2.Dress to impress, wear something nice.

3. Always say hello, and try to talk about your common interests. Like every single time you see the person say hello. This is so useful, trust me you will stand out if you do this.

4. Talk to the teachers as if they are your friends this will be good, and is basically extra practice.

5. Ask for their social media, but not on the first day maybe the 2nd or 3rd. Also don't be afraid to just search them up and start adding. People like that and it isn't creepy. I think.

6. Try to join a group of friends, stick to them like glue but make sure you are talking. Noone likes a person who just stands there.
Original post by retro_turtles
is it bad that i don't want to make new friends?


honestly I was like that as well, using studies (both college and uni) as an "excuse" not to talk to other people and engage. A year after graduation and I'm in a worse position than before (had been sacked from most previous role). Trust me, you don't want to end up completely closed off and even more unable to socialise, since the longer you don't socialise, the more people just give up on you (even those that you don't know). I've had many more rejections than before I got my first job, albeit I had more interviews as well since I put my CV online, but still, you don't want to make it hard for yourself.
Original post by wightsnowolf
Not really bad not in my opinion anyway, are you saying that as in you'd prefer to just stay close to the friends you have now rather than meet new people?


i guess i am saying that, but then again i don't want them to have to remain close to me.
Original post by retro_turtles
I struggle making friends,whether its the internet or real life i am horrible at it (lol i barely know anyone here) i had induction day at college today and it was awful. I talked to a few people and even almost became 'acquaintances' but then i just happened to somehow push them away. I have a few friends from my previous school with me but they are making friends and i don't wanna be like barging in on their new friend group thingy. Many of my best friends have gone to a different schools and my best friend well she is with me but we are like at completely opposite ends of the campus..idk.


Any advice?


U seem super nice when I pmed u:tongue:
I would just wait it out in college, it takes a while to find your proper friends.
You might want to look outside your circles and classes for people to talk to
But her everyone makes friends in sixth form after a month unless they're really terrible unlike u:tongue:
My best friends went different schools too, I made some good friends after a while, you got to be open and dedicate time to people you want to be friends with
Good luck!:redface:
thanks for that, i get the whole drifting away from people thing as i did around year 8. I have a small group of close friends (around 3) so i guess i am not too bothered about being away from them, i will however try from next week.
Reply 17
Original post by retro_turtles
thanks for that, i get the whole drifting away from people thing as i did around year 8. I have a small group of close friends (around 3) so i guess i am not too bothered about being away from them, i will however try from next week.


Can I be your friend? Im also finding it really difficult. Im terrible at socialising
Original post by Ma5ter
Can I be your friend? Im also finding it really difficult. Im terrible at socialising


yes you may :smile:
Original post by LonelyMathsBoy
U seem super nice when I pmed u:tongue:
I would just wait it out in college, it takes a while to find your proper friends.
You might want to look outside your circles and classes for people to talk to
But her everyone makes friends in sixth form after a month unless they're really terrible unlike u:tongue:
My best friends went different schools too, I made some good friends after a while, you got to be open and dedicate time to people you want to be friends with
Good luck!:redface:


is it bad that i have no memory of that? And yeah i guess it will take time, i am just super impatient and well afraid of rejection.

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