Would you ever date someone who's unemployed?

It's not something I can get over easily though. I was brought up my whole life with my mum telling me yes you should support yourself and earn your own, but to always date a man who had a higher degree to you or earnt more than you, as like a power thing. And even for me now, a guy who has power is really attractive to me, whereas now I've found out this guy is unemployed, even though before that I quite liked him, now I'm completely put off and I can't help it

Well, then I wouldn't be so harsh on him as he's just recently graduated. It takes time to find a job, it's not that easy. What did he study? It's not like he's been sitting on his ass doing nothing, I'm sure he's actively looking for jobs since he's went to university (I hope anyway).

What if they've just come back from travelling, if they've just graduated, if they've been made redundant? What if they were a contractor who had just finished their assignment, if they've been ill or if they've just relocated to a new city? You aren't automatically a lazy scrounger just for being unemployed.



I will never understand why women constantly go on about a gender pay gap, equality in the workplace etc then come out with things like this. For our parents generation it was perfectly normal for the Dad to work whilst the mum worked part time or didn't work at all - literally everyone I knew at school had their parents in this situation. That is not how the world works anymore.

I think it was history or some other humanities, that also kind of put me off because I'm usually more into guys who study STEM subjects :/

Okay, this is going to spund harsh but your mentality on being more into guys who study "STEM" subjects is wrong. You should be with someone for who they are and their character. Sure, someone with a STEM degree may be considered smarter in terms of education in front of society, it doesn't mean they'll be a great boyfriend or potential husband. You need to look at a person as a whole, not what subject he studied.

Can I also say that you sound very much like me, OP. I have often felt exactly the same way about meeting someone for a date and have ended up getting into a panic about it and cancelling. It has happened to me many times. I'm a 48 year old female, and 15 years ago I was diagnosed with Social Phobia, which explained an awful lot. I'm not saying you have the same, but if you notice a pattern emerging and this keeps happening, then it could be a sign you have this condition too. Good news is if you are still in your late teens or early Twenties there is something they can do to help you. [Cognitive Behavioural Therapy]. I was diagnosed with it by a Psychiatrist when I was 27. He told me that at that age my personality was set ,and there was nothing anybody would be able to do to help me and I will have it for the rest of my life, which I have had. It affects my friendships,and relationships and everyone I come into contact with.[I was the only dancer at the Moulin Rouge in Paris who used to go straight home every night after the show, instead of socialising with everyone else at the bar over the road].

It's not just because of that, I'm not sure really, I just feel sick and nauseous when I think about going on a date with this guy... My mum just brought me up with such bad mentalities that I'm now reaping she used to say to me all the time that given that I'm studying stem I shouldn't ever lower myself and date someone who's studying history or geography or film etc.

And if you asked me what my type is I would just tell you one of the things that really attracts me to a guy is power, Whethet that's how intellectual they are in the sciences or how much they earn or being in the top of their business etc, the power just attracts me I can't help it


The thing is in real life I'm not anxious to meet new people and will happily go to parties or talk to people in lectures or just around. However the thought of meeting someone online who I've never ever met before and have only texted freaks me out. That's why I cancelled 2 other dates prior to this guy, I just can't get over it. I feel sick and nauseous when I think about it, I've already vomitted several times thinking about meeting up irl. I think online dating is just not for me, I can't get over the barrier between online and real life
The social phobia thing worries me though I looked up the symptoms and I do have quite a few of them which worries me :/

At the end of the day, you should be with someone because you want to be with them. Not for your Mum because that type of relationship will never work out.

You should go on the date if you want too. If you don't, then don't go.

Arghhhh I'm so torn, a small part of me wants to go just to see what it will be like. Then the rest of me doesn't want to go but idk how to tell him, I don't want to upset him or see his reply when I tell him I can't come anymore. Should I just unmatch him on tinder and block his number?
But I feel like I'll feel empty once I've lost all forms of communication with him...

I think it was history or some other humanities, that also kind of put me off because I'm usually more into guys who study STEM subjects :/