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Manipulative boyfriend left me, but I want him back?

It's been a hard two years because he was a controlling and sometimes abusive guy but I feel I had my flaws too. After our recent argument where he went on a night out instead of being there for me after I got burgled I lost my **** and said things I didn't quite mean out of anger.

He dumped me endless times before and said its forever but always ended up coming back. This time he walked away and said he no longer loves me and that he's moved on because I said these things to him.

We went back to uni two days ago and we live 5 mins away from each other and he's having the best time ever while I'm sat here missing him, sent him the longest apology which he completely ignored and I'm incredibly lost about what I can do now :frown: I really don't want to move on but if he's getting with other girls I feel like I lost any chances I ever had

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Well at least he's moving on, no more getting together just to get dumped again.

Do something, take your mind off things, give it some time and you'll move on as well. He's not the only fish in the sea, and not the best one either.
Reply 2
He did get with girls in the past and decided he wanted me instead. I've tried to go meet new people but I just get depressed about him and go back and sit by myself and end up smoking a lot just crying wishing he'd Change his mind. we had a lot of plans like moving in together next year etc and I just don't get how he claims his feelings went away just like that and that he's so over me :/
Delete his number. Tell yourself again and again and again why would you want to beg someone to take you back when they clearly have no interest left in you and don't treat you with any respect? Delete him of Facebook and any other social media platform you have him on.
Look, you said yourself he's manipulative. This is another manipulative move on his part. Make it look like he's having all the fun in the world....it's just a mind game! He loves that he's in control of your wanting him back.

Do I understand correctly that he went out with his friends after you'd been robbed? It sounds to me that he lost respect for you a long time ago, to be honest. Guys like this are not going to change their stripes....period. Why would you want him and his manipulative/abusive behavior back? Because he's there and it's easy? Because two years ago, when you first started dating, he made you feel important and you loved the attention he gave you? That would be understandable but the guy you fell for was an act. You've seen the real guy and his lack of respect for you. Let. him. move. on. I strongly believe given some time he'll contact you (if communication is quiet from you and he's not getting sex from some other girl) and that is when you tell him "thanks....but no thanks".

He knows you'll take him back anytime. He. knows. that. He also knows that you don't have much self esteem, partially do to his treatment of you, and he likes that. I'm sorry but the brutal truth is he is never going to respect you. The pattern is already established. Plus, red flag, an abuser will come back seemingly remorseful, promise never to do it again and then falls right back into the original abusive pattern. Break this cycle for yourself. You deserve much, much better!! You need to start by respecting yourself and letting go of him forever! You don't need a guy to show or prove your self worth - take some time to just be your own best friend. I know it sounds stupid but you've got to appreciate yourself so you recognize when others are not treating you appropriately. When you are in an emotionally good place you'll find the right guy who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Your ex will either take his bad behavior (most likely) into every other future relationship he has...or he'll settle w/ some girl and be with her for a long time. If this scenario happens it is because she very early on established her boundaries and he respects her. Good luck to you.....please don't go back to him!
You deserve better, you don't need someone who constantly manipulates you! Delete his number, remove him from social media and remove any pictures you have together. Have fun, hang out with your friends and focus on what's important. There are plenty of decent guys out there, you don't need one who clearly doesn't respect you.


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Reply 6
Original post by Hopefully1
Look, you said yourself he's manipulative. This is another manipulative move on his part. Make it look like he's having all the fun in the world....it's just a mind game! He loves that he's in control of your wanting him back.

Do I understand correctly that he went out with his friends after you'd been robbed? It sounds to me that he lost respect for you a long time ago, to be honest. Guys like this are not going to change their stripes....period. Why would you want him and his manipulative/abusive behavior back? Because he's there and it's easy? Because two years ago, when you first started dating, he made you feel important and you loved the attention he gave you? That would be understandable but the guy you fell for was an act. You've seen the real guy and his lack of respect for you. Let. him. move. on. I strongly believe given some time he'll contact you (if communication is quiet from you and he's not getting sex from some other girl) and that is when you tell him "thanks....but no thanks".

He knows you'll take him back anytime. He. knows. that. He also knows that you don't have much self esteem, partially do to his treatment of you, and he likes that. I'm sorry but the brutal truth is he is never going to respect you. The pattern is already established. Plus, red flag, an abuser will come back seemingly remorseful, promise never to do it again and then falls right back into the original abusive pattern. Break this cycle for yourself. You deserve much, much better!! You need to start by respecting yourself and letting go of him forever! You don't need a guy to show or prove your self worth - take some time to just be your own best friend. I know it sounds stupid but you've got to appreciate yourself so you recognize when others are not treating you appropriately. When you are in an emotionally good place you'll find the right guy who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Your ex will either take his bad behavior (most likely) into every other future relationship he has...or he'll settle w/ some girl and be with her for a long time. If this scenario happens it is because she very early on established her boundaries and he respects her. Good luck to you.....please don't go back to him!


Could I please speak to you privately? I feel like I need more of your advice in my life
I was in a similar position to you just last year.

a girl I really loved cheated on me, and I kept on coming back to her. but after I had some RESPECT for MYSELF, I realised what I'm doing is ****ing stupid. So I stopped giving her the attention she didn't deserve. and guess what? she started coming back to me. I used to write paragraphs to this girl telling her I want her back. she used to reply to them with one word, lol. I came to the conclusion that people want things they can't have, so I played as if I don't want her anymore, and she ended up wanting me. Playing this came was a blessing in disguise, as when I was hung up over her, I didn't let another girl closer to me. however, after losing feelings for her, I was able to allow one of the most amazing girls I have ever met get closer to me. and now we are currently happy in a relationship.

He seems like a ****boy. I promise you. would you want a guy who has no respect for his own girl to be the role model of your future children? lemme answer that for you, lol. HELL NO.

I know it will hurt for a while, but once you've accepted the fact that he no longer is happy with you, I promise you. it'll be easier for you to move on.

don't bother popping up to him. focus on yourself, and he'll wonder "how comes she hasn't messaged me in a while?" he'll start to become more and more curious. he'll end up missing the attention.
guys like attention just as much as girls do.

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time, but its all a part of life's process in turning into a stronger version of yourself.

btw if you ever decide you want to get back with him. ask yourself one thing. "do you respect yourself?" if you're going back to a guy like that. then I'm afraid to say you don't really have any self respect and how are you gonna have other people respect you if you don't respect yourself first. this was one of the things I realised from my breakup last year. (which took a year for me to get over)

take it easy.

Posted from TSR Mobile
(edited 7 years ago)
Reply 8
Original post by unaManzana
I was in a similar position to you just last year.

a girl I really loved cheated on me, and I kept on coming back to her. but after I had some RESPECT for MYSELF, I realised what I'm doing is ****ing stupid. So I stopped giving her the attention she didn't deserve. and guess what? she started coming back to me. I used to write paragraphs to this girl telling her I want her back. she used to reply to them with one word, lol. I came to the conclusion that people want things they can't have, so I played as if I don't want her anymore, and she ended up wanting me. Playing this came was a blessing in disguise, as when I was hung up over her, I didn't let another girl closer to me. however, after losing feelings for her, I was able to allow one of the most amazing girls I have ever met get closer to me. and now we are currently happy in a relationship.

He seems like a ****boy. I promise you. would you want a guy who has no respect for his own girl to be the role model of your future children? lemme answer that for you, lol. HELL NO.

I know it will hurt for a while, but once you've accepted the fact that he no longer is happy with you, I promise you. it'll be easier for you to move on.

don't bother popping up to him. focus on yourself, and he'll wonder "how comes she hasn't messaged me in a while?" he'll start to become more and more curious. he'll end up missing the attention.
guys like attention just as much as girls do.

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time, but its all a part of life's process in turning into a stronger version of yourself.

btw if you ever decide you want to get back with him. ask yourself one thing. "do you respect yourself?" if you're going back to a guy like that. then I'm afraid to say you don't really have any self respect and how are you gonna have other people respect you if you don't respect yourself first. this was one of the things I realised from my breakup last year. (which took a year for me to get over)

take it easy.

Posted from TSR Mobile

He just thinks that it's me who's a **** girlfriend and that is why he's leaving. I sent him the longest text ever and he ignored it till I pestered more and he said it meant a lot but it's too late and he doesn't love me or want me anymore and he's moving on. He's going out every night and I'm crying every night so it really sucks. How long before he starts popping up if I completely disappear and ignore him? And to spend my final year at uni in tears trying to forget him seems like the worst thing in the world :frown:
Original post by Anonymous
He just thinks that it's me who's a **** girlfriend and that is why he's leaving. I sent him the longest text ever and he ignored it till I pestered more and he said it meant a lot but it's too late and he doesn't love me or want me anymore and he's moving on. He's going out every night and I'm crying every night so it really sucks. How long before he starts popping up if I completely disappear and ignore him? And to spend my final year at uni in tears trying to forget him seems like the worst thing in the world :frown:


me and my ex used to text everyday when we were together. so if you go from giving him a lot of attention to no attention I would say around 2 weeks until he pops up.

Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Could I please speak to you privately? I feel like I need more of your advice in my life


Yes, you can contact me.
Original post by Anonymous
He just thinks that it's me who's a **** girlfriend and that is why he's leaving. I sent him the longest text ever and he ignored it till I pestered more and he said it meant a lot but it's too late and he doesn't love me or want me anymore and he's moving on. He's going out every night and I'm crying every night so it really sucks. How long before he starts popping up if I completely disappear and ignore him? And to spend my final year at uni in tears trying to forget him seems like the worst thing in the world :frown:


That's why you always keep a side ***** aka side dude aka backup plan aka don't be loyal to these dudes, especially ones that keep breaking up with you- a person who keeps breaking up with you clearly isn't worth being loyal too. Always have a back up. Sounds harsh and mean but too bad.
Original post by Hopefully1
Look, you said yourself he's manipulative. This is another manipulative move on his part. Make it look like he's having all the fun in the world....it's just a mind game! He loves that he's in control of your wanting him back.

Do I understand correctly that he went out with his friends after you'd been robbed? It sounds to me that he lost respect for you a long time ago, to be honest. Guys like this are not going to change their stripes....period. Why would you want him and his manipulative/abusive behavior back? Because he's there and it's easy? Because two years ago, when you first started dating, he made you feel important and you loved the attention he gave you? That would be understandable but the guy you fell for was an act. You've seen the real guy and his lack of respect for you. Let. him. move. on. I strongly believe given some time he'll contact you (if communication is quiet from you and he's not getting sex from some other girl) and that is when you tell him "thanks....but no thanks".

He knows you'll take him back anytime. He. knows. that. He also knows that you don't have much self esteem, partially do to his treatment of you, and he likes that. I'm sorry but the brutal truth is he is never going to respect you. The pattern is already established. Plus, red flag, an abuser will come back seemingly remorseful, promise never to do it again and then falls right back into the original abusive pattern. Break this cycle for yourself. You deserve much, much better!! You need to start by respecting yourself and letting go of him forever! You don't need a guy to show or prove your self worth - take some time to just be your own best friend. I know it sounds stupid but you've got to appreciate yourself so you recognize when others are not treating you appropriately. When you are in an emotionally good place you'll find the right guy who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Your ex will either take his bad behavior (most likely) into every other future relationship he has...or he'll settle w/ some girl and be with her for a long time. If this scenario happens it is because she very early on established her boundaries and he respects her. Good luck to you.....please don't go back to him!


Sweet effing lord O_____O
It's one bad day to be male when I read this thread :creep: lol
Original post by unaManzana
I was in a similar position to you just last year.

a girl I really loved cheated on me, and I kept on coming back to her. but after I had some RESPECT for MYSELF, I realised what I'm doing is ****ing stupid. So I stopped giving her the attention she didn't deserve. and guess what? she started coming back to me. I used to write paragraphs to this girl telling her I want her back. she used to reply to them with one word, lol. I came to the conclusion that people want things they can't have, so I played as if I don't want her anymore, and she ended up wanting me. Playing this came was a blessing in disguise, as when I was hung up over her, I didn't let another girl closer to me. however, after losing feelings for her, I was able to allow one of the most amazing girls I have ever met get closer to me. and now we are currently happy in a relationship.

He seems like a ****boy. I promise you. would you want a guy who has no respect for his own girl to be the role model of your future children? lemme answer that for you, lol. HELL NO.

I know it will hurt for a while, but once you've accepted the fact that he no longer is happy with you, I promise you. it'll be easier for you to move on.

don't bother popping up to him. focus on yourself, and he'll wonder "how comes she hasn't messaged me in a while?" he'll start to become more and more curious. he'll end up missing the attention.
guys like attention just as much as girls do.

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time, but its all a part of life's process in turning into a stronger version of yourself.

btw if you ever decide you want to get back with him. ask yourself one thing. "do you respect yourself?" if you're going back to a guy like that. then I'm afraid to say you don't really have any self respect and how are you gonna have other people respect you if you don't respect yourself first. this was one of the things I realised from my breakup last year. (which took a year for me to get over)

take it easy.

Posted from TSR Mobile


Bro...
-man hug- gladit worked out for ya, sounds like a painful time honestly
Original post by 0to100
Bro...
-man hug- gladit worked out for ya, sounds like a painful time honestly


you have no idea what I went through lop
Original post by unaManzana
you have no idea what I went through lop


I've sent you a private message
Original post by Anonymous
It's been a hard two years because he was a controlling and sometimes abusive guy but I feel I had my flaws too. After our recent argument where he went on a night out instead of being there for me after I got burgled I lost my **** and said things I didn't quite mean out of anger.

He dumped me endless times before and said its forever but always ended up coming back. This time he walked away and said he no longer loves me and that he's moved on because I said these things to him.

We went back to uni two days ago and we live 5 mins away from each other and he's having the best time ever while I'm sat here missing him, sent him the longest apology which he completely ignored and I'm incredibly lost about what I can do now :frown: I really don't want to move on but if he's getting with other girls I feel like I lost any chances I ever had


Your relationship was dysfunctional and you sound ill adjusted.
For a relationship to work it requires two people to complement each other and be happy. Neither of you were.

Move on and find someone better for you. he isnt coming back except to abuse you. If you cnat move on then go to your GP to arrange for some therapy.

You should take a complete break from relationships for the next 6 months till you get your confidence back and figure out whats best for you.
I felt much better yesterday. I sent him a huge text saying how I felt which he ignored. Later on saw him in a club and he was out with girls he previously slept with, laughed in my face and proceeded to get with someone in front of me. Then when I tried to approach him he ran away and it was evident he *****ed about me to everyone he was out with and screamed how he was so single and continued laughing. I never felt so humiliated in my life so I left in tears.

I messaged him when drunk just saying thanks for making me feel so awful about myself and fine if you want to get with people go ahead I no longer care about it. And he just replied saying "lol you changed your mind fast".

I have his things which I was going to nicely return and use as an excuse to chat but I just want to throw it all away and forget it ever existed. I can't stand how he made me feel and ruined my first night with my new friends and I just feel so horrible
Original post by Anonymous
I felt much better yesterday. I sent him a huge text saying how I felt which he ignored. Later on saw him in a club and he was out with girls he previously slept with, laughed in my face and proceeded to get with someone in front of me. Then when I tried to approach him he ran away and it was evident he *****ed about me to everyone he was out with and screamed how he was so single and continued laughing. I never felt so humiliated in my life so I left in tears.

I messaged him when drunk just saying thanks for making me feel so awful about myself and fine if you want to get with people go ahead I no longer care about it. And he just replied saying "lol you changed your mind fast".

I have his things which I was going to nicely return and use as an excuse to chat but I just want to throw it all away and forget it ever existed. I can't stand how he made me feel and ruined my first night with my new friends and I just feel so horrible

Yes throw his **** away and cut off all contact with him, block numbers and block on social media. He's a douchebag who doesn't deserve a minute of your attention, if you ever see him around act like you don't know him don't show any emotions at all
You're stronger than you think, I know you feel horrible after something like this but hold on. Things will get better for you :lovehug:

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