Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

Relationship at uni

Me & my boyfriend have been together 2 years now nearly 3! I am a year younger so I will be going to university next year! The same uni infact, as before we met it was both our plans! The uni is an hour away! However, Im still scared he will get bored of me!

I know his first week will be busy but he never seems to have time to talk to me, always get short replies! I understand he needs to fit in but where will i fit in? I trust him but theres always something in my mind telling me that something will go wrong! Our problem was we saw each other nearly everyday & we never spoke much about him going uni! But when I say how i feel he puts even shorter replies with either sorry or i love you & he never answers what i text him & he told me its because all i go on about is him & uni but thats because we never spoke about him leaving! He never parties either but he is excited about partying & that makes me nervous cause he never tells me when hes out only when he half way through the night so im messaging him cause im worried! He is also adding lot of girls on facebook & it worries me that he will lose interest in me! Even though he tells me he loves me!

He doesnt seem that bothered that im upset he isnt here! Im happy for him, i really am! He is thinking too much of what is happening in freshers week! I dont want to keep pestering him to say i cant do this without him because we were so close! He isnt just a boyfriend but a friend too!

I just feel like he will never have time for me anymore? I know its an hour away but both of us will alway be busy!

I dont know what to do? Im feeling like this because im not used to it yet? I just need to find a way to cope? Can anyone help?

Reply 1

Laurasaur

Original post by Anonymous

Spoiler

You've got to force yourself let go of your own worries this week and be happy for him. Trust me, if you make him feel guilty for having fun, you'll push him away and potentially ruin his freshers' week. He won't always be as busy as this, but he won't be able to talk to you as much as he used to for the next few years. If this makes you very unhappy, maybe you should consider reevaluating what you want. You can either get used to it, or get rid of it.

I don't want to call it selfish, because it sounds so mean, and I know you're hurting, but you've got to put his happiness before yours for a bit because 1st year freshers' only comes around once. Give him some time to adjust. You'll never feel guilty for doing the right thing and letting him get on with it, but you would feel immense guilt if you thought you were getting in the way.

If he says he loves you, you have no choice but to trust him. If he were to "lose interest", then you'd be better off finding someone who will never do that to you, so really it would be doing you a favour. I doubt that would happen. His replies are only short because he is busy trying to find his feet. I expect the same thing will happen to you when you get to uni.

All that pain you feel from missing him, acknowledge it and then deal with it without him. You need to learn coping skills for this because otherwise you'll encounter this problem for the next few years. You must distract yourself and talk to other people when things get bad. Don't talk to your boyfriend about it until after freshers' and only if it's still an issue then. You CAN adapt, and this feeling WON'T last forever if you don't let yourself ruminate on it.