Sorry if this post is muddled.
Today will mark exactly a week since I've been living at uni, 5 hours away from home. It's completely not what I expected and I'm not happy at all.
I feel like I've wasted my freshers week, I've been out once (the first night) and Thursday was the first day in which I didn't end up crying.
Don't get me wrong, I'm more than ready academically. I'm studying Psychology and I was very happy in terms of the induction and whatnot; I want to get my degree in Psychology from this university one day.
However, I'm nowhere near ready at the living independently stuff; it's not just homesickness. I've not eaten proper food in a week (yesterday all I ate was some toast). For 18 years I took my home life for granted and was basically spoon fed everything. And now I don't know what to do. I don't have the confidence to go into the kitchen and attempt to make some proper food, or to do my washing, and it takes me about 20 minutes to iron one piece of clothing.
My flatmates are amicable but we don't click and every one of them already has their own group of friends and does their own things.
I thought I was stuck here but I'm not. To my surprise, a support person told me that I have the option (until September 30th) of deferring my university place until next year. And when he told me that, I felt the biggest relief I'd ever felt in my life. I could go home, live independently but knowing my family is there to help, get a job for the first time in my life, rejuvenate myself. And I'd get bored, but that would only make me more excited to come back next year and make the most of my time here rather than crying my eyes out for days on end.
Also I am very lonely. I've mentioned my flatmates, and in terms of my course mates, I don't know if I missed a meet up or something, but at the induction BBQ that was held, I was the only person on my own whilst everybody already had their own little groups of friends.
I want to swap my accommodation, the swap list opens on Monday, however it's extremely unlikely that I'll get what I want due to demand (and I'm in a lecture when the list opens). Therefore the only way I'd get my preferred accommodation is if I deferred.
So to me, deferring sounds like the best option and I'm lucky I have the opportunity considering I'm already registered and about to start my course. But when I think of actually doing it, I almost feel ashamed. I think of all the fuss that was made in my family, to my friends, the party I was given, all the gifts and photographs I was given to take with me. And I'd feel like an embarrassment if I turned up back home, in front of all those people, a few weeks after leaving.
I do want to give myself at least another week, to actually start my course, however as I said, it's nothing to do with the academics but it's everything to do with living on my own.
I really don't know what to do right now.