My son doesn't want me to go to see Uni with him.

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I get that. But don't most parents attend Uni Open Days with their children to look around as well? It's not an Open Day but I would still like to at least see where he might be going to study and live next year.

Tell him to take a photo. Stop making it awkward for him Jeez

Reply 41

EricPiphany

Original post by SMEGGGY

Tell him to take a photo. Stop making it awkward for him Jeez

Chillax Jeez

Reply 42

user73867

Original post by markova21

I'm afraid this part of being a parent.

Be glad your little person is becoming independent. This is what you've been training him his whole life for.
Being a good parent means eventually your child doesn't need you anymore.

Be as happy as you were when he took first steps. :smile:

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 43

999tigger

Just find a compromise he is old enough to go alone, but he can also consider his mum and the fact shes raised him and paid for him all those years. Its hardly goiubg to kill him and he will have three years to do what he likes. It takes a degree of maturity to appreciate this, plenty of parents go to open days, its hardly a big thing. He's jusy more concerned it woint let him feel like a grown up with his mum there.

Maybe compromise okay ask to go to a few of the 5 possibles.
Let him wander around half the day on his own if its an official open day. You cna go and wander round yourself, normally theres enough for parents to do.
There will be plenty of parents there anyway.

You shouldnt have to be ashamed of your mum, you only have one.

Guilting him into going is a no no , though. Next time he asks to borrow money or wants a lift or for you to cook dinner, then he should appreciate the virtues of self sufficency.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 44

markova21

Firstly we are NOT going to an Open Day. The Open Day was two weeks ago and he didn't know so missed it. HE IS ONLY APPLYING TO THIS ONE UNIVERSITY. His course, Health and Social Care, admits 93 per cent of applicants who apply to it, so unless he rightly ****s up his Personal Statement or the interview it's highly likely he will be going there in September into the second year. I want to get a general feel for where he will be living for two years. We're just going on a day out on the train to go up to the uni to have a look round the area. I doubt very much we would be allowed to look inside people's rooms or anything as it's not an open day.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 45

markova21

BUT.. His friend who my son first suggested asking to drive him , like all my son's other friends, thinks that Uni is a waste of time and only lame people go. If he goes with his mate i'm concerned he will get nothing but negative talk about universities in general. The same thing happened when the college went three years ago. My son and his friends didn't go to any of the talks or look around any facilities. They all sat outside on a wall saying how crap it all was. I told him if he doesn't like it it's pointless applying for September, but to at least go and have a look again before making his mind up. But really it's just a day out. Train to Belfast which takes an hour and then a smaller train to Newtownabbey, which is the area Jordanstown is in, just so he can get a feel for it, without his friends OR ME influencing him. He would hardly go on his own and I'd like to go for the trip as it's a part of Northern Ireland i'm not familiar with, apart from central Belfast itself.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 46

markova21

Original post by 999tigger

It depends on your relationship with your child, Plenty of parents do go with their kids to open days as they get a free lift and have someone to pay for the food. Obviously it might be a fleeing the nest sort of thing, but a parent can also give an objective second opinion and notice things about a place that a teenager might not.

Why not have a compromise and just say youd like to go to half of them? Presumably hes going to want to use the bank of mum and dad later so he should recognise which side his bread is buttered on. You shouldnlt force or guilt him , but he wont lose much by just one day. the other point would be if he chose whatever university then soemtimes parents go and have a look around on the day they drop their child off.

As for open days, then if you missed the formal one, its soemtimes possible if you contact the depaerment to arrange an informal one whereby someone might show you round. You need to find a happy compromise with your child.

My son is only applying to one university. I want to go with him to see where he will probably be living and studying next year.

Reply 47

markova21

Original post by Yua

you made a facebook post about it huh. so you're that sort of parent.

What sort of parent?

Reply 48

999tigger

Original post by markova21

My son is only applying to one university. I want to go with him to see where he will probably be living and studying next year.

You cant blackmail him and that seems to be whats happened.

Have a word and work on a compromise that you both find acceptable.

He wants independence and not to feel like a child. Why not make an informal enquiry to the department as to whether parents attend open days as you dont want to be overportective, but youd like to have a look around. If they then say tes its quite normal for parents to come, then you cna relay that to your son. Do it on a no names basis so he doesnt feel you have embarrassed him.

Theres nothing to stop you going on another day, maybe once he has his results or spending extra time here to have a look around when you drop him off just before term starts. He hasnt got a place yet.

Reply 49

Iridocyclitis

Airing domestic disagreements on Facebook, especially between parent and child, is a big no-no!

Reply 50

Athematica

I wouldn't feel guilty about it. This is one of the last decisions you'll get to experience fully with him. Embrace your motherly meddling :smile:

Reply 51

Duncan2012

Original post by markova21

TBH I just thought it would be nice of the two of us just to have a day out together and have a look around from the outside and see what the surrounding area looks like.

In that case plan a separate day for that. Let him see the uni on his own terms first. Win-win. Don't whinge about it on TSR and Facebook.

Reply 52

markova21

Original post by Duncan2012

In that case plan a separate day for that. Let him see the uni on his own terms first. Win-win. Don't whinge about it on TSR and Facebook.

I don't understand what you mean. He won't be going to an Open Day . It's over. He missed it. We will only be able to look around outside the uni. We won't be allowed to just wander around anywhere we want. Ulster is the ONLY uni he is intending on applying to. His course has a 93 percent acceptance rate. Which means that unless he ****s up completely it's where he'll be going to live and study in September. As his mother I just thought it would be kind of nice to see where he will probably be living. Is that so bad?

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 53

Josb

Original post by markova21

Don't forget to kiss him and to ask whether he has a girlfriend before his friends.

Reply 54

999tigger

Original post by markova21

You can go to informal ones as i outlined previously. Just talk to him, he is your child. Surely you can sort out some compromise that isnt a guilt trip or a surly child. You are both adults. I really dont thhink you get to see inside peoples rooms even on an open day. Why would you wnat to? They normally have photos on the website or prospectus.

You normally just have a quick walk round a few lecture theatres, library, department building, bar, cafeteria, IT facilities etc. You might have chance to speak to a current student or a lecturer. If hes almost certain to go then why would you need a feel for it? You can have one when you drop him off.

Reply 55

markova21

Original post by 999tigger

I don't have a car. No idea how we are going to get his stuff up there, actually. I have no relatives here, and his aunts and uncles on his late father's side are hundreds of miles away. But I suppose we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Reply 56

999tigger

Original post by markova21

Friend, taxi, man with a van, van hire or he cna just take a suitcase worth and get other styff when hes up there.

Reply 57

markova21

Original post by 999tigger

Friend, taxi, man with a van, van hire or he cna just take a suitcase worth and get other styff when hes up there.

Yes I guess. Mind you I don't think a taxi would be practical or cheap. Plus the uni is 40 miles away .

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 58

999tigger

Original post by markova21

Yes I guess. Mind you I don't think a taxi would be practical or cheap. Plus the uni is 40 miles away .

Taxis have minibuses and soem of them do airport runs. People have managed to get uni before when they dont have a car.

Reply 59

Duncan2012

Original post by markova21

What did you think was unclear about my post?

As for the moving logistics just hire a car or a van for a day.

You seem to be making this out to be some great drama when it really shouldn't be.