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<a https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7467335'> Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>
<a https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7467335'> Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

My mum is stopping me from doing what l want

So, basically l am 18 and l wanted to go far for university but mum has stopped me saying how she can choose whether l can go or not.

She's an african parent and l have wanted to gain independence but she disagrees with that saying how l can gain independence by staying at home and all that.

She's basically choosing EVERYTHING for me, what course, what uni, you name it.

And l don't know what to do.

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sing "hasa diga eebowai" and tell her to **** off
You're 18, it's your decision and yours alone.
Did she go to uni herself?
Can you get your dad or elder sibling to have a word with her?
You should be able to choose for yourself.

You must decide whether you are brave enough to choose yourself knowing how she wll react. She could kick you out of the house etc.
You would be better off working , saving money and going the following year, so if she kicks you out then you know what to do and have somewhere to stay. Do not let her choose.
Original post by the.chantele
So, basically l am 18 and l wanted to go far for university but mum has stopped me saying how she can choose whether l can go or not.

She's an african parent and l have wanted to gain independence but she disagrees with that saying how l can gain independence by staying at home and all that.

She's basically choosing EVERYTHING for me, what course, what uni, you name it.

And l don't know what to do.


In the end, you choose what course you apply to, and what uni you attend, and she can do nothing about it.
Original post by 999tigger
Did she go to uni herself?
Can you get your dad or elder sibling to have a word with her?
You should be able to choose for yourself.

You must decide whether you are brave enough to choose yourself knowing how she wll react. She could kick you out of the house etc.
You would be better off working , saving money and going the following year, so if she kicks you out then you know what to do and have somewhere to stay. Do not let her choose.


She missed out on education because her parents weren't encouraging her.

I can't make someone talk to her otherwise they'll take her side.

She keeps saying "its my decision even if you're 18"
Not sure this is much help but I try.
The only thing I can say is that it is as everyone else says it your decision. Your mother if she forces her rules on you may find that actually blowing back up in her face if your not happy. Because, lets be honest if its a subject your not happy with then your not going to want to put effort in, it be like me doing Geography it just wouldn't work.

This may sound clique but I would seriously talk to one of your teachers about the issue(perhaps the teacher who teaches the subject your interested in) and maybe arrange a meeting with them and your mum so they can say to your mother about how it is your decision, they may encourage her to have her say but that does not mean it her choice.

To be honest at the end of the day, your the only who can fill out that ucas form not her, she can't write a personal statement for you because uni's would instantly notice.

I hope all works out though.
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Avatar for Arianax
Arianax
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She should at least let you choose what you want to study!
Original post by the.chantele
She missed out on education because her parents weren't encouraging her.

I can't make someone talk to her otherwise they'll take her side.

She keeps saying "its my decision even if you're 18"


Decide where you wnat to study and what course.

Presumably your family income is low enough so she wont have to contribute.

Try and persuade her of the benfits of your course, use a teacher or careers person to support by saying they are in agreement. If she wont go for that, then do not go with what she suggests.

Take a gap year, earn some money and go the following year on the course you wnat. earn enough so that if she throws you out then you can cope.
Original post by the.chantele
So, basically l am 18 and l wanted to go far for university but mum has stopped me saying how she can choose whether l can go or not.

She's an african parent and l have wanted to gain independence but she disagrees with that saying how l can gain independence by staying at home and all that.

She's basically choosing EVERYTHING for me, what course, what uni, you name it.

And l don't know what to do.

Unless shes stopping you doing medicine law or dentistry etc. Is it really a big problem? It may seem bad now but she might be right. As long as you have friends youll still be able to enjoy yourself.
I'm in a similar situation so I'm just going to apply for unis out of my city. Family can't do anything once it's gone through. Why not do the same?
You are an adult, do what you wanna do or you will regret it?
You are an adult. She can't stop you doing what you want to do. (Especially as it sounds she is bitter about missing out herself!)
Apply to university off your own accord, that's what I would do. It isn't her decision about what you do, at the end of the day you are the one who has to do it (and will get the debt afterwards).

Do some of your own research into unis you like and courses you want to pursue, then tell her YOU have made YOUR decision.

Good luck
i know how you feel 'african parents too lol. in my case, i'm encouraged to move out but not go to a uni thats over 100 miles away, why no try to convince them that youll go a uni thats in the region but not too far away from home?
Original post by BigMan Ting
i know how you feel 'african parents too lol. in my case, i'm encouraged to move out but not go to a uni thats over 100 miles away, why no try to convince them that youll go a uni thats in the region but not too far away from home?


I DID say that but she still wants me to stay home and she lists so many people she knows and that l know that have stayed home. Its quite funny how she contradicts herself all the time because one minute she'/ saying don't follow your friends and next she': following other peoples kids -.-
Original post by OwlOfFire
Apply to university off your own accord, that's what I would do. It isn't her decision about what you do, at the end of the day you are the one who has to do it (and will get the debt afterwards).

Do some of your own research into unis you like and courses you want to pursue, then tell her YOU have made YOUR decision.

Good luck


Like l said she's an african parent, l can't just do that. I was taught to follow the rules of your parents and all that.
Original post by 1010marina
You are an adult. She can't stop you doing what you want to do. (Especially as it sounds she is bitter about missing out herself!)


She thinks l'm not an adult until l finish uni.
Original post by the.chantele
She thinks l'm not an adult until l finish uni.


Well she thinks wrong. 18 = legally adult. Do what you want with your life.

Best of luck
Original post by Anfanny
Unless shes stopping you doing medicine law or dentistry etc. Is it really a big problem? It may seem bad now but she might be right. As long as you have friends youll still be able to enjoy yourself.


But if you are doing a course you dont enjoy, in a subject which is no use and at a uni you dislike, then its a massive issue.
(edited 7 years ago)

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