I don't fit in with my flatmates..

So, I arrived midway during freshers week and my flatmates consists of five girls, and three guys. I'm bordering on social anxiety, but I'm okay introducing myself and have made friends at University, but not really with my flatmates.
When I arrived, the girls had already formed a strong friendship group and although they were nice enough, saying hi and asking me where I'm from, they kind of stopped making any effort after the first two days. I always try to say hi to them when I see them, but only one of them really responds now. During freshers week, they would go out clubbing every night leaving the kitchen an absolute tip, with alcohol bottles and the sink filled with dirty dishes [i asked for a house with no alcohol]. I don't feel comfortable going into the kitchen when they're all in there, when its one at a time, I'm okay to go in and make some conversation, otherwise I don't feel comfortable to do so and nor do they really try to make me feel any more comfortable. The guys tend to keep to themselves and one of the guys I hang out with a bit, but we don't really seem to click at all. Will this situation get any better??

Reply 1

doodle_333

not if you don't make it better... for a start, don't get annoyed at it being messy or people drinking, it's university and it's freshers - this is very normal

if you want to make better friends you have to force your way in a bit, ask people to hang out, don't avoid them, be overly friendly and chatty if they're not talking to you

however it's not the end of the world not to get on with your flatmates - you can make friends elsewhere

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by doodle_333

Kinda difficult to do that stuff with flatmates, when they're into completely different things and you're bordering on social anxiety.

Reply 3

doodle_333

Original post by Anonymous

Kinda difficult to do that stuff with flatmates, when they're into completely different things and you're bordering on social anxiety.

I went to uni with severe social anxiety and lived with people who were utterly different to me. We still spent time together on plenty of occasions doing fairly generic stuff - we got take away, watched movies, played games, watched sport, had a couple of meals together etc

it's entirely up to you if you want to push out of your comfort zone or not but you are unhappy with the current situation with your flatmates - it won't just magically fix itself, you have to make the effort to do it if you want things to be better

literally just start with saying 'hi how are you? how's the start of your course been? got many lectures?' to someone, you can plan what to say before you try it... bake some cookies/muffins and leave them with a note saying 'help yourself' (people always like someone who bakes)... try and get one person on side and suggest a pizza night, buy/rent a new film and say you should order pizza and watch it together

Reply 4

35764

I'm exactly the same. I've been at uni for about three days now. It's really hard! I don't want to be rude and keep refusing invitations for drinking, and they've been really nice so far, but I'm definitely socially anxious and have a diagnosis of generalised anxiety disorder. Only one other person in my flat of 10 so far has spoken to me about the same difficulties, and they've made more friends than me elsewhere! At the end of the day you're at uni for a degree. Anything other than that is just a bonus. Plus you'll have lots of time to meet other people. I'm better at one-on-one too, I think a lot of people are better than me at putting on a brave face though! You're already in a better position than me having made friends elsewhere, it should get better :smile:

You can always ask to move to a different accommodation if you're not happy where you are as far as I'm aware, my cousin's considering doing the same.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by 35764

You can always ask to move to a different accommodation if you're not happy where you are as far as I'm aware, my cousin's considering doing the same.

You're the literally the only person with a decent response so thank you. I wish people would understand, it's not as easy as they make it out to be. I've asked them how their day is, but the conversation just kinda ends after they say what about you and start talking among themselves again. I've managed to make quite a few friends other than my flatmates so i'm happy with that too. You can't get along with everyone, right?

Reply 6

35764

Original post by Anonymous

Right! You're already doing better than me just by making friends with people elsewhere, though I haven't started my course of been to the Freshers Fayre to pick up info about societies and stuff so I don't know how it'll go. Everyone does things in their own way and at their own pace, and some people are just naturally more extroverted than others. The fact you've been able to get along with a good amount of other people means you may just not share interests or anything with the people in your flat which is totally fine ^^

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Thank you so much for your response. I wish people would stop excusing some behaviour just because it's freshers. We all pay for the kitchen therefore it shouldn't really be a tip for days on end, and dishes shouldn't be left in the sink for days. Nor, should you be making so much noise around 3am in the night when others will be sleeping 'just because it's freshers', not everyone is into that sort of thing and I feel some people actually forget this.

Yes, I do try to speak to them but the conversation kind of ends quite quickly but they're nice enough usually. It's only been a week so hopefully, over time it will get better but like I said before, you really can't be friends with everyone.

Reply 8

tanyapotter

Original post by Anonymous

you need to just let it go about the mess/drinking for this first week, otherwise your situation isn't going to get much better. have a couple of shots and join them