No idea what you are trying to do. Go and join MFP get some friends and plan. You sound disorganised and without sufficient knowledge. Losing weight is more about small lifestyle changes so you cna keep up consistent calorie deficits. This will enable you to lose weight.
Sabotage at such an early stage sounds like lack of commitment and a poor plan. You also lack knowledge. You can eat some crap, but the thing that matters is your overall deficit. You sound like you will fail becayse its too much of a test of holding out against temptation when instead its a definite change of lifestyle with a focused objective.
You dont have to eat clean, just at a deficit.
Get organised and learn what foods to eat that give you nutrition as well as satiety (fill you up) begertables complex carbs, lean protein and good fats plus fibre. You cna get a rough idea of how ling it might take by estimating 1lb a week weight loss. Complex carbs release energy slowlu, so you dont run out and it doesnt spike.