Mental Health Support Society XVIII

Actually had 5 straight days of happiness!!
Haven't had that in a while!
I'm coming to get you depression! Hehe!
If only the OCD would go away :/
That's still being really irritating and preventing me from doing things!
Ah well.

Things are on the up, mostly!

I feel really down. I have a really bad cough so my lungs, throat, & head all hurt loads from pretty much non stop, severe coughing. Even vomited from it a few times. Voices are saying my food was poisoned so I'm very worried about that. On top I have a extremely important exam on Monday which I'm struggling so much to study for. This is basically a make or break moment in my uni career and I can't study with all this noise.

Great, now I'm crying. I'm so pathetic.

Sounds like there are lots of different parts to you. To my knowledge, I only have 5: four of which have labels but bear my name in some form or another, and one that just isn't me at all and has a completely different name It's really difficult, isn't it, when you feel like you don't have control over who's in charge? It doesn't often happen with me (not being in charge to at least SOME extent) but when it does, it is **** scary. It's kinda what prompted me to get help, coz it made me realise something bigger than me/more entrenched/more sinister is going on

Thought it would be a great idea to try and draw some imagery from my dreams to try and get some sort of compartmentalisation.
bad idea just made it more vivid.
also tbh some of the things i dont really feel comftable either drawing or writing about tbh, i do need to write them down tho in case i ever go to the doctors cos it's like proof then i suppose :/



genuinely pleased to hear that

I'm off olanzapine, yes! No more silly weight gain! Here comes new fit bodied noodlzzz

I am still on it!

Could you ask for something else? That's what I did. Not off APs completely unfortunately

What subject are you applying for at uni? Best of luck!*

Sorry about lack of spoiler not sure how to add one via mobile site.

Some people with did always know. For my system to work, the "host" had to be unaware, completely. It's the only way I could do a complete, flat denial of abuse. Like as soon as abuser left the room or even as quickly as changing position, I'd forget the abuse ever happened. It would get filed away. Then in my late teens, I had an emotional breakdown and the only way I knew how to cope was to shut everything down. It started to become more obvious how much dissociation was playing a part but I enjoyed not flipping through different states of mind.

I was also in therapy from age 16 but refused to talk about anything to do with family or pre-13 so the system wasn't really disturbed. 5 years ago that started to change and the parts surfaced as imaginary friends at first. I couldn't and still can't really cope with any of them taking over but sometimes I have no choice. When I was in court recently as a witness, the stress made me switch a few times. Mortifying!

Having bit of battle at the moment about medication because some can't see why we need antidepressants if we're not all depressed. Depending on who I most am that day depends how much I agree with that statement. But being on them reduces the part of me that wants to destroy me. They generally keep my head quieter, which is nice

Ugh sorry for talking for so long. I'm glad that you felt able to seek help

Only took two months, numerous phone calls to the psychiatrist's office and a complaint filed my by GP but I finally have an appointment with the mental health nurse.

Was meant to have this appointment within a week of seeing that bloody psychiatrist but for some reason, I wasn't referred. Better late than never, eh?! One of these days they will take OCD seriously. Not just for my sake, but for thousands of others.

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Hope it goes well SS

When is it for?*

Thanks

It's on 7th October, so not too far away. They've also gave me numbers for my local CMHT and social workers as well which they haven't done before. Hoping this is finally a step in the right direction regarding my treatment

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As a nerd I almost feel bad for the internet existing, because it causes this sort of pain to people; it's ridiculous that something invented for the ease of scientific communication is now mainly used for porn and insults. My policy is just to treat people how they treat you, regardless of who they are. I just don't see why people enjoy posting the sort of **** that starts all of this. I mean I'll make jokes but if someone tells me I'm going too far I'll bring it in, cause in a world where half the countries are war torn; we don't need the other half ****ing each other over.

I'm sorry, it's just internet trolls piss me off

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Oh gosh, that must be incredibly difficult if the host is unaware like that My host tends to be aware but sometimes it can take hours/days to realise I've switched

Sounds like you've been through a lot in life Having a quieter head is def good. And never apologise for posting in here, or posting long replies