Am I being unreasonable? Should I stick to my guns?

My boyfriend is my first everything past kissing more or less. We haven't had sex yet and I am yet to give him head. I'm ready and I have been for a while. Last week he asked if I had any reservations about anything because it seemed like be against oral. So I told him I would like him to get tested.

He wasn't against it or anything but he also didn't sound keen on the idea. Later on that evening things got heated and this time he said I'm making him want to put a condom on. I let him know that sex wasn't happening tonight. I know condoms are obviously to prevent stds and pregnancy but I don't even want to do it until I know he's clean. Am I being unreasonable?

Reply 1

Pinkberry_y

Of course you're not being unreasonable

Reply 2

Ribbits

No, not at all.

I asked my current fiance to get tested before I touched him. It's the sensible thing to do if they have had any sexual contact. You can carry with no symptoms and it doesn't matter who, when or how you've had sexual contact - the only way to know you are clean is to get tested.

Reply 3

999tigger

If he cares about you then he wouldnt have a problem making the effort. People get defensive as a rsponse to covering up lazy or selfish behaviour. Presumably he isnt a virgin, so you have no idea who he has slept with.

i say carpe diem.

Original post by Anonymous

I know condoms are obviously to prevent stds and pregnancy but I don't even want to do it until I know he's clean. Am I being unreasonable?

Everyone has their own level of acceptable risk. Some people are happy to be sexual without testing if condoms are used and some people are not. Either way, what other some people would do doesn't matter: it's your boundary.

No.

I would definitely stay stick to your guns, in any circumstance it's best to be safe rather than sorry and tbh, he should be mature enough to know that and understanding enough to follow through with it.

Reply 8

Rhaenys10

just tell him to get tested, ur not being unreasonable
oral sex with a condom on tho....

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by Rhaenys10

just tell him to get tested, ur not being unreasonable
oral sex with a condom on tho....

I'm assuming he was referring to the sex part lol

Original post by Trinculo

i say carpe diem.

Meh I'd rather be safe than sorry. It will put my mind and body to rest knowing he's clean. I mean the quicker he gets it done, the quicker we can move onto other things lool

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by 999tigger

Nope he isnt and the thing that sticks in my mind the most is the situation with his ex. They had unprotected sex and he mentioned her having accidental pregnancies with her ex's in the past. He told me this when we were friends.

He said he hasn't been tested in a long time and said something about some women want men to get tested when they aren't willing to get tested themselves. So I told him that if I had a sexual history I would be up for it. Also said I'm lucky because some guys would lie and say they've been tested recently. Well I would be expecting concrete proof tbh.

Reply 11

999tigger

Original post by Anonymous

If you want concrete proof then agree to get tested yourself and you cna both open the results with each other.

Its about more than sex.
Its about whether he can listen to your concerns and take action to reassure you.
If he wont make the effort, then its lazy and selfish.
If he tries to throw it on you then he is wrong and gives you a good insight to whta he might be like as a bf.