Sick of my flatmate and don't know what to do.
Hi
About a year and 3 months ago I moved back to my University city and started renting a small flat with one of my best friends from Uni. It started off fun, but for me he has since become a pain in the hole, does nothing to contribute to the maintenance of the flat aside from the rent and bill money and I'm struggling to see what I am getting out of our living situation other than an unnecessary financial deficit, inconvenience and wasted effort . I don't know if I'm just over-reacting or not, or how to address the situation without making a bigger problem.
These are the issues I have:
1) He is messy and does not clean. In 15 months he has done every cleaning task once, whilst I have done it every other week. This includes hoovering, cleaning the kitchen, kitchen appliances and the bathroom, taking out the bins etc. I'll spend 2 hours a week cleaning everything and getting everything tidy and then he will come in, spill something and refuse to clean it up, or will drop large crumbs all over the carpet and refuse to pick them up, saying "just hoover it again next week". Then in massive hypocrisy he will have a go at me if I leave an unwashed plate or cup by the sink for more than an hour.
2) He won't contribute towards purchasing things that we both use, cleaning things, toilet paper, soap etc. He just waits for me to buy it and goes for a poo at work.
3) Subset of Point 1 - I can never use the oven because of some kind of mess he has made in it. I don't eat meat and yet he does not wash any of the trays or grills in the oven after use, leaving them covered in pork fat so I can't use them regardless. He also leaves pasta in a dish at the bottom of the oven instead of putting it in the fridge, using up another oven pan.
4) Every problem that has happened with the flat I have had to sort out with the estate agents or tradesmen as he refuses. He never goes out to top up the gas or electric and always makes a massive deal of it if he's had to go out. He makes a massive fuss if I leave my laptop on for 10 mins whilst i pop to the spar and he goes into my room and turns it off saying its wasting electricity, despite the fact that most days he has a laptop, tv, games console and electric guitar running continuously for hours.
5) He never offers to give me petrol money when I am continuously giving him lifts to places, usually when he is late. I have started charging him now, but he either doesn't pay, delays paying or tries to swap the payment for something inferior.
6) I sorted out the entire flat-moving process, flat viewing, estate agents, the upfront reserving cash, drove 150 miles in 2 days and slept in the car to get everything sorted, then when we moved in he immediately took the bigger room without saying anything whilst I was moving things. I didn't object as we were only meant to move in for 6 months, then he refused to get a job for a year and sat about playing games so we'll have been here for 18 months. The bigger room contains the boiler and he controls when the water or heating is on. I work evenings and often come in cold and wet at 11.15pm but he refuses to keep the boiler on until 11.25 because he goes to bed at 11 and then I can't put it on until he gets up in the morning.
7) The only thing he has done for me since we moved in is clean once and the other day he put me on his Cosco card contract for £30, but he owed me that anyway and I will have to drive us to Cosco if he wants to go anyway.
Regardless I'm getting sick of living in this situation and I don't know if I'm over-reacting or being walked over and I don't know how to address it successfully. Advice appreciated.
About a year and 3 months ago I moved back to my University city and started renting a small flat with one of my best friends from Uni. It started off fun, but for me he has since become a pain in the hole, does nothing to contribute to the maintenance of the flat aside from the rent and bill money and I'm struggling to see what I am getting out of our living situation other than an unnecessary financial deficit, inconvenience and wasted effort . I don't know if I'm just over-reacting or not, or how to address the situation without making a bigger problem.
These are the issues I have:
1) He is messy and does not clean. In 15 months he has done every cleaning task once, whilst I have done it every other week. This includes hoovering, cleaning the kitchen, kitchen appliances and the bathroom, taking out the bins etc. I'll spend 2 hours a week cleaning everything and getting everything tidy and then he will come in, spill something and refuse to clean it up, or will drop large crumbs all over the carpet and refuse to pick them up, saying "just hoover it again next week". Then in massive hypocrisy he will have a go at me if I leave an unwashed plate or cup by the sink for more than an hour.
2) He won't contribute towards purchasing things that we both use, cleaning things, toilet paper, soap etc. He just waits for me to buy it and goes for a poo at work.
3) Subset of Point 1 - I can never use the oven because of some kind of mess he has made in it. I don't eat meat and yet he does not wash any of the trays or grills in the oven after use, leaving them covered in pork fat so I can't use them regardless. He also leaves pasta in a dish at the bottom of the oven instead of putting it in the fridge, using up another oven pan.
4) Every problem that has happened with the flat I have had to sort out with the estate agents or tradesmen as he refuses. He never goes out to top up the gas or electric and always makes a massive deal of it if he's had to go out. He makes a massive fuss if I leave my laptop on for 10 mins whilst i pop to the spar and he goes into my room and turns it off saying its wasting electricity, despite the fact that most days he has a laptop, tv, games console and electric guitar running continuously for hours.
5) He never offers to give me petrol money when I am continuously giving him lifts to places, usually when he is late. I have started charging him now, but he either doesn't pay, delays paying or tries to swap the payment for something inferior.
6) I sorted out the entire flat-moving process, flat viewing, estate agents, the upfront reserving cash, drove 150 miles in 2 days and slept in the car to get everything sorted, then when we moved in he immediately took the bigger room without saying anything whilst I was moving things. I didn't object as we were only meant to move in for 6 months, then he refused to get a job for a year and sat about playing games so we'll have been here for 18 months. The bigger room contains the boiler and he controls when the water or heating is on. I work evenings and often come in cold and wet at 11.15pm but he refuses to keep the boiler on until 11.25 because he goes to bed at 11 and then I can't put it on until he gets up in the morning.
7) The only thing he has done for me since we moved in is clean once and the other day he put me on his Cosco card contract for £30, but he owed me that anyway and I will have to drive us to Cosco if he wants to go anyway.
Regardless I'm getting sick of living in this situation and I don't know if I'm over-reacting or being walked over and I don't know how to address it successfully. Advice appreciated.
How long have you got left on lease?.... If you can't stand living in same flat move out but try to get someone to take over your lease otherwise you'll be liable for rent
He needs a reality check pronto
He needs a reality check pronto
I think it's time to move out. For future reference don't be such a push over - this guy really is an A hole and he's the one at fault here so don't take it as me blaming you but you need to lay out ground rules early in house shares or you will inevitably get these problems.
For example the second he took the room you should have said 'hey I did all the organising I think it's fair I get that room' or even 'that's the better room why don't we flip a coin for it'.
For cleaning and so on you needed to agree a cleaning rota, perhaps he doesn't stick to it but at least then you would have cause to say 'that's it I'm done and moving out' whereas here he could claim this has come out of the blue.
If he isn't paying for soap, toilet roll etc then keep the lot in your bedroom - it sounds petty and is a bit annoying but it shows him that you're not going to let him get away with anything he wants.
If he's an A hole don't give him lifts anywhere, ever.
For example the second he took the room you should have said 'hey I did all the organising I think it's fair I get that room' or even 'that's the better room why don't we flip a coin for it'.
For cleaning and so on you needed to agree a cleaning rota, perhaps he doesn't stick to it but at least then you would have cause to say 'that's it I'm done and moving out' whereas here he could claim this has come out of the blue.
If he isn't paying for soap, toilet roll etc then keep the lot in your bedroom - it sounds petty and is a bit annoying but it shows him that you're not going to let him get away with anything he wants.
If he's an A hole don't give him lifts anywhere, ever.
Original post by 999tigger
Your options
1. Talk to him and reach agreement. If not or not kep to, say theres an issue.
2.. Then either you move out or he does or you both do.
probably what Reue said.
1. Talk to him and reach agreement. If not or not kep to, say theres an issue.
2.. Then either you move out or he does or you both do.
probably what Reue said.
I have spoken about it lightly or in supposed jest at mutual social events as a hint and he either ignores it, looks uncomfortable or says "well...." or "nahh"
Original post by Clez
I have spoken about it lightly or in supposed jest at mutual social events as a hint and he either ignores it, looks uncomfortable or says "well...." or "nahh"
I probably agree with the other about leaving. he sounds hopeless, its just my logical approach. He might take it seriously if he knows you are about to leave, but will have a hard time admitting he might eb at fault.
You need to know what the effect vis a vis your landlord and termination of tenancy. You might be liable for the rest of your contract. they may accept you finding a replacement.
Original post by Clez
Hi
About a year and 3 months ago I moved back to my University city and started renting a small flat with one of my best friends from Uni. It started off fun, but for me he ....
About a year and 3 months ago I moved back to my University city and started renting a small flat with one of my best friends from Uni. It started off fun, but for me he ....
Looks like he's taking you for granted and taking advantage of your good nature. I would either
a) Put down some written house rules, if not obeyed, then you move out.
b) Move out, and find some other flatmate or live on your own, it'll probably be less stressful.
I was on placement a couple of years ago and had to share a flat with 4 strangers and a uni friend. The flat was disgusting, no one cleaned the toilets or bathrooms and the kitchen was always a mess. My friend and I made a rota which people stuck to for the most part until Christmas holidays and then things went pear shaped again. It was the worst living situation I've ever been, but fortunately it was only for about 8 months not 18. However, I would never expect such from a supposed friend. This guy doesn't sound like a friend tbh, he shows no respect for you. Had you guys not lived together before at uni?
Anyway, as has been suggested either move out or stop buying communal things and driving him anywhere. You said you've only mentioned your issues in jest so maybe your friend thinks everything is fine so you could also try actually sitting down and having a serious conversation about it but it doesn't sound like your friend can change anyway
Anyway, as has been suggested either move out or stop buying communal things and driving him anywhere. You said you've only mentioned your issues in jest so maybe your friend thinks everything is fine so you could also try actually sitting down and having a serious conversation about it but it doesn't sound like your friend can change anyway
Original post by Scotsgirl64
How long have you got left on lease?.... If you can't stand living in same flat move out but try to get someone to take over your lease otherwise you'll be liable for rent
He needs a reality check pronto
He needs a reality check pronto
We're on a rolling month contract but currently neither of us can afford to rent individually, which was why we moved in together in the first place.
He's also a bandmate so moving would be a last resort.
You need to find a new flatmate then, his behaviour is shocking
Original post by doodle_333
I think it's time to move out. For future reference don't be such a push over - this guy really is an A hole and he's the one at fault here so don't take it as me blaming you but you need to lay out ground rules early in house shares or you will inevitably get these problems.
For example the second he took the room you should have said 'hey I did all the organising I think it's fair I get that room' or even 'that's the better room why don't we flip a coin for it'.
For cleaning and so on you needed to agree a cleaning rota, perhaps he doesn't stick to it but at least then you would have cause to say 'that's it I'm done and moving out' whereas here he could claim this has come out of the blue.
If he isn't paying for soap, toilet roll etc then keep the lot in your bedroom - it sounds petty and is a bit annoying but it shows him that you're not going to let him get away with anything he wants.
If he's an A hole don't give him lifts anywhere, ever.
For example the second he took the room you should have said 'hey I did all the organising I think it's fair I get that room' or even 'that's the better room why don't we flip a coin for it'.
For cleaning and so on you needed to agree a cleaning rota, perhaps he doesn't stick to it but at least then you would have cause to say 'that's it I'm done and moving out' whereas here he could claim this has come out of the blue.
If he isn't paying for soap, toilet roll etc then keep the lot in your bedroom - it sounds petty and is a bit annoying but it shows him that you're not going to let him get away with anything he wants.
If he's an A hole don't give him lifts anywhere, ever.
We didn't have any ground rules when we moved in, but I will do that in the future. I usually don't like confrontation so I try to be easy going with most things, but if it builds up over time I start getting annoyed. I should probably be more firm from the get go.
The bigger room was only really an issue because he has barely any stuff and I have a lot - he has everything he owns in his own room and can fit in his clothes horse and still be able to walk around. I have a lot of things that I have to keep in the living room or in cupboards because there is just a strip of carpet space in my room and no desk or shelves and with the clothes horse in there it is a challenge to move anywhere in the room! His reasoning to have the bigger room was that he is 6"4 and I am only 5"11 so he needs more room....
We can't afford to live separately, especially in the area we're in, which is why we moved in together to share the rent and bills. Many times I've given him lifts has been to jobs, interviews or placements in the hope that by having a job we will be able to go to a bigger place asap for the next year.
Anyway, I confronted him about it all this morning and he agreed to a cleaning rota, but said that he'd send me money for toiletries as he's too busy to go to the Tesco Extra in the next street.
In return he said he had an issue with me leaving my hat, keys and phone on the kitchen table when I come in from work, and leaving my work shoes and laptop in the living room - which are all there between 11.15pm and 8am when I get up and which he only sees between 6.45 and 7.15pm when he makes breakfast. He says he's fed up of me leaving the laptop on this small table in the living room because he likes to put his plate on it instead of the kitchen table, even though the small table is also mine and I have nowhere to leave my laptop at night where I won't stand on it or knock it off the bed. I don't think these things are comparable, but I don't know what would annoy other people...
Original post by Clez
We didn't have any ground rules when we moved in, but I will do that in the future. I usually don't like confrontation so I try to be easy going with most things, but if it builds up over time I start getting annoyed. I should probably be more firm from the get go.
The bigger room was only really an issue because he has barely any stuff and I have a lot - he has everything he owns in his own room and can fit in his clothes horse and still be able to walk around. I have a lot of things that I have to keep in the living room or in cupboards because there is just a strip of carpet space in my room and no desk or shelves and with the clothes horse in there it is a challenge to move anywhere in the room! His reasoning to have the bigger room was that he is 6"4 and I am only 5"11 so he needs more room....
We can't afford to live separately, especially in the area we're in, which is why we moved in together to share the rent and bills. Many times I've given him lifts has been to jobs, interviews or placements in the hope that by having a job we will be able to go to a bigger place asap for the next year.
Anyway, I confronted him about it all this morning and he agreed to a cleaning rota, but said that he'd send me money for toiletries as he's too busy to go to the Tesco Extra in the next street.
In return he said he had an issue with me leaving my hat, keys and phone on the kitchen table when I come in from work, and leaving my work shoes and laptop in the living room - which are all there between 11.15pm and 8am when I get up and which he only sees between 6.45 and 7.15pm when he makes breakfast. He says he's fed up of me leaving the laptop on this small table in the living room because he likes to put his plate on it instead of the kitchen table, even though the small table is also mine and I have nowhere to leave my laptop at night where I won't stand on it or knock it off the bed. I don't think these things are comparable, but I don't know what would annoy other people...
The bigger room was only really an issue because he has barely any stuff and I have a lot - he has everything he owns in his own room and can fit in his clothes horse and still be able to walk around. I have a lot of things that I have to keep in the living room or in cupboards because there is just a strip of carpet space in my room and no desk or shelves and with the clothes horse in there it is a challenge to move anywhere in the room! His reasoning to have the bigger room was that he is 6"4 and I am only 5"11 so he needs more room....
We can't afford to live separately, especially in the area we're in, which is why we moved in together to share the rent and bills. Many times I've given him lifts has been to jobs, interviews or placements in the hope that by having a job we will be able to go to a bigger place asap for the next year.
Anyway, I confronted him about it all this morning and he agreed to a cleaning rota, but said that he'd send me money for toiletries as he's too busy to go to the Tesco Extra in the next street.
In return he said he had an issue with me leaving my hat, keys and phone on the kitchen table when I come in from work, and leaving my work shoes and laptop in the living room - which are all there between 11.15pm and 8am when I get up and which he only sees between 6.45 and 7.15pm when he makes breakfast. He says he's fed up of me leaving the laptop on this small table in the living room because he likes to put his plate on it instead of the kitchen table, even though the small table is also mine and I have nowhere to leave my laptop at night where I won't stand on it or knock it off the bed. I don't think these things are comparable, but I don't know what would annoy other people...
well tbh I stick to what I said he just doesn't sound like a reasonable person and there's often little you can do on that front
how is he too busy to buy toiletries if he doesn't work? that's rubbish
tbh I'm very much a person who leaves stuff in the living room, especially if I use it often but i know a lot of people get angry at that... maybe suggest you club togetehr to get a couple of coat hangers for your coat/hat/keys by the door and then that's not an issue, as for your laptop ask him where he suggests you put it but it's probably worth agreeing to those things so he doesn't have an excuse to say you're not trying if things fall apart again, they are petty but it's easier to just do them as it's not a big deal
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