me and my wife have had very different shares of our combined resources since we have been together..*
At university when we met she had loads of money as an international student sent to england with a decent wad of cash in the bank.. and I was a poor english student, living on 20 pounds a week.
After graduation, she couldnt work (student visa), but I could.. so I had 100% of our income and money
When we moved abroad, we started a business together, and now each earn effectivly 50% of our combined income.
-- So we have pretty much done all 3 scenarios of financial dependence.
Honestly, for me financial indipendance is incompatible with a commited relationship. Most couples I know who have kept fully inipendant finances, have failed badly after a while.
There are only two scenarios that I personally view as healthy:
Completly joint finance - whats mine is yours etc. Its traditional, and works if you love and trust each other completly. This is what me and my wife have always done, and as long as you allow others freedom with your pot - so that you two are not always looking over your shoulder for the others judgement each time you buy something, its the easiest and best way.
Semi-indipendant finance - Seems to be the most popular these days. Joint account with the majority of your combined money, but personal private accounts for self-indulgent purchases + surprises etc.*
--
The second seems to be what you guys need, but for me it only works as a percentage of your joint pot. Say you earn 10k, and he earns 40k. Your joint income is 50k. So you keep 30k inside the joint account, and 10k goes to each of your private ballances.. (stupid numbers, just to illustrate the point).
Honestly, if you say that to someone and they think 'But I earn more!! I should get to keep more!', or 'I dont want to give X all my money!'. Then they are not ready for that type of relationship, or/and have not met the right person or/and are not at the required stage of commitment. Either way you have a problem.
It sounds to me like you guys have made a huge commitment to each other - moving to a new country and living together - but your relationship is not mature/ready to handle that commitment. Me and my wife managed moving to another country and being dependant on each other at different times, because that is the nature of a married relationship. you agree to always be there for each other, to always support, help, and to act as one - after all, your family now. Now this does not have to come from marriage, and certainyl boyfriend/girlfriend can have this same commitmet, but it does not sound like you guys do yet.*
It seems like you are trying to do something that requires a joint mindset, but your boyfriend is still treating you guys like a newly-dating couple.. far to much distance in between. *