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I think my girlfriend is abusive towards me?

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I am so shocked that anyone would suggest even trying to work it out with this person. She is HITTING him.
Just because a girl is doing it doesn't make it not abusive or "playing".

She is abusing you. Please get away from her.
Original post by PandaCalavera
I am so shocked that anyone would suggest even trying to work it out with this person. She is HITTING him.
Just because a girl is doing it doesn't make it not abusive or "playing".

She is abusing you. Please get away from her.

I would, but I don't want to mess up my blade.
Reply 22
Avatar for Scott.
Scott.
2
All the people saying dump her :'D
She's a cow. See her off.
Original post by pmc:producer
No explanation needed though lol. If she makes him even question whether he's being abused or not it's game over...


lol nah I get you man...might not necessarily agree but I get you
Original post by PandaCalavera
I am so shocked that anyone would suggest even trying to work it out with this person. She is HITTING him.
Just because a girl is doing it doesn't make it not abusive or "playing".

She is abusing you. Please get away from her.


There are two sides to every story and the fact he has aspergers is a warning sign that his perception of what is happening may not be what is actually happening.

If she was hitting him as a form of punishment or violence, then clearly yes it would be abuse. If its just gentle playful contact (she is laughing) with little force, then I'd think not.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm in my first year at uni, and am in a relationship with a girl that happens to be in the same flat and course as me (we kinda started out on the second "moving in" day). I also have aspergers so I can't always pick up social cues etc. and have trouble making friends. My girlfriend is kinda the "boss" of the relationship. I'm not allowed to piss her off or anything otherwise she'll hit me or kick me, but I'm not sure if she's doing it in a playful manner? She laughs/giggles when doing it and I'm really not sure. She also controls a lot of my life. I need time to myself each day to chill (because of my aspergers) and also need more sleep than average (about 10 hours) otherwise my mental state rapidly decreses. I've explained this to her but she still tries to prevent me from going to bed early, and she'll come into my room and talk for hours on end.

I really really love her, but I don't know if this counts as abusive?


That is abuse. Don't let her control your life, do whatever you want and don't stay with her anymore.
Instead of posting it here online, you should tell her how you feel. Remind her that you have aspergers, but that you're also a person, and you should be treated as such. Tell her what she's doing bothers you and what you want. If she really cares for you, then she'll understand and take it on board. If not, then dump that hoe!
class B girl friends , it a way of showing love . they are more flexible than the class A types
Original post by 999tigger
There are two sides to every story and the fact he has aspergers is a warning sign that his perception of what is happening may not be what is actually happening.

If she was hitting him as a form of punishment or violence, then clearly yes it would be abuse. If its just gentle playful contact (she is laughing) with little force, then I'd think not.


He says he's not allowed to piss her off or she will hit or kick. I don't think it's fair to say that the OP having asbergers means he's missing some kind of playfulness here. I do agree there are two sides to every story but I've never heard of a playful kick before.

I should think the OP could ask her to stop, but it seems that she's already ignoring his needs to go to sleep early and such. Maybe the OP hasn't made it clear enough, I don't know, but again I can't excuse the hitting and kicking.

Constant hits and kicks, even if they're small and not painful, aren't something I would ever recommend ignoring or putting up with.
Original post by PandaCalavera
He says he's not allowed to piss her off or she will hit or kick. I don't think it's fair to say that the OP having asbergers means he's missing some kind of playfulness here. I do agree there are two sides to every story but I've never heard of a playful kick before.

I should think the OP could ask her to stop, but it seems that she's already ignoring his needs to go to sleep early and such. Maybe the OP hasn't made it clear enough, I don't know, but again I can't excuse the hitting and kicking.

Constant hits and kicks, even if they're small and not painful, aren't something I would ever recommend ignoring or putting up with.


I have enough issues dealing with normal members of the public to know that you cna get very different versions of a story. Im saying his apsergers could mean his perception is not as good or straightforward as someone without it might be. There enough to raise alarm bells and ofc he should ask her to stop if thats whats happening, but within the description there is scope for variation. he already claims to be in love and its only been a few weeks.
Original post by 999tigger
I have enough issues dealing with normal members of the public to know that you cna get very different versions of a story. Im saying his apsergers could mean his perception is not as good or straightforward as someone without it might be. There enough to raise alarm bells and ofc he should ask her to stop if thats whats happening, but within the description there is scope for variation. he already claims to be in love and its only been a few weeks.


Fair enough. He should definitely ask her to stop and it is very quickly to be in love. But how do we know he isn't? If people say they're in love there's no way to know how they really feel, we should just believe their feelings. For him the love will feel very real whether we believe it or not.

I simply don't think someone should have to ask their partner to stop hitting them. Granted I realise there is still room for it being possibly playful. I can see your point.
Original post by ANM775
Dump him/her seems to be the standard advice on TSR for a multitude of issues


boyfriend left the toilet seat up? ......Dump HIM

partner flirted with another person at a club but did not kiss/touch/hold hands with them? ....Dump them.

every minor little relationship issue on here.

solution?

dump them!


Yeah but this is physical abuse dude
You need to leave her asap op. :frown: She's toxic and abusive. Find yourself someone better than her, please.
It certainly seems like she's not overly considerate of you and your needs. I would sit down and talk to her about it. If she laughs/brushes you off, THEN dump her, as she clearly doesn't care. But talk to her first. It may just be that she needs help understanding your needs.

EDIT: Actually, just re-read the OP and saw that she hits you. Run. There is never any excuse for physical abuse.
(edited 7 years ago)
Reply 35
Avatar for Talon
Talon
18
Original post by Anonymous
I'm in my first year at uni, and am in a relationship with a girl that happens to be in the same flat and course as me (we kinda started out on the second "moving in" day). I also have aspergers so I can't always pick up social cues etc. and have trouble making friends. My girlfriend is kinda the "boss" of the relationship. I'm not allowed to piss her off or anything otherwise she'll hit me or kick me, but I'm not sure if she's doing it in a playful manner? She laughs/giggles when doing it and I'm really not sure. She also controls a lot of my life. I need time to myself each day to chill (because of my aspergers) and also need more sleep than average (about 10 hours) otherwise my mental state rapidly decreses. I've explained this to her but she still tries to prevent me from going to bed early, and she'll come into my room and talk for hours on end.

I really really love her, but I don't know if this counts as abusive?

I wouldn't like to say if it is abuse or not - it might be, it might not. If you have talked to her about these issues and it doesn't stop then I don't think she is the right person for you to be in a relationship with. She sounds like quite a clingy person and you need someone who is happy to give you space.

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