I can't believe that after I said that I had a serious back condition and multiple other problems, they give me no points at all, it's just ridiculous, so I have depression, insomnia, spondylocostal dysostosis (a serious back condition - the other type often dies at birth), anxiety including social anxiety, ADD and back injuries.Yet i'm not seen as someone who is just fine, I won't go on a full rant, but will say that it annoys me because anyone can be an alcoholic and get points, or someone can make up they're depressed because they had a bad day, get signed off with tablets, but when someone's genuinely depressed they get doubted and told to man up, i'm not even a whimp that just makes excuses, i've genuinely been depressed for the last 2 years and notice my life crumbling because of it, even my ADD has held me back loads, i'm not stupid, even scored 132 in an IQ test, if that means anything, but never been able to get my life together, so they just choose to kick me off ESA, it's like £2000 a year and they still have a problem with that, ridiculous.
The thing is, i don't actually fit the criteria the assessor said. But I think I kind of do, the doctor kind of assumed that i could go to the shop every when I wanted, but it doesn't take so long to get to the shop and back, I told them I've been getting my mum to pick me up for the last 2 months, mostly because my bike is broken, but i'm also having back pain, it takes me 2 hours to get out of bed, in that time my back slowly recovers enough to feel ok to get up, depression comes into it.
I'm also surprised why insomnia isn't seen as a mental illness, if someone can't get to sleep at the right time to work the next day, and it's not a choice, is it fair to force them into early shifts? I am limited in the work I can do, at my job 2 years ago when I came down with this depression, I had to get up at 6AM, 3 hours sleep a night was messing me up, I told them it's got worse, that day going to the assessment I was up for 3 days, slightly psychotic and seeing shadows in the corner of my eye and the room was twitching, also said my heart hurts from the lack of sleep.
What can I do now? i want to write something or go to the MP. I want to make a complaint but because they have a strict definition of who's ill and who's not, you don't qualify when you're clearly ill, my point was forcing me to work in these situations is going to make my back condition worse and is not good for me, even in the jobseekers allowance group, getting up so early being forced was really ruining me, I had sleep deprivation badly, I had to go home and make up some jobs I applied for just so I could get some rest, I wasn't bunking off.
The ESA assessor just assumes that i'm fine though, that's what annoys me, that because I'm young i'm perfectly fit and healthy, I bet he thought I was just lazy, well bull****ingshit, some people get all the help and aren't half as ****ed as I am, they don't take people like me seriously though.
What I could say about the back condition is that I have stopped going to the shop for now, partly due to my back killing me and partly due to my bike was ruined, i said I buy things online, but don't think he took subconsciously I don't like to walk because it hurts and when i get back home, my back hurts for the night, walking around when I was young, I always slouched, i have a curvature of the spine, so sitting up straight is also a struggle, I have to bend over a little, but too much also causes pain, hence why I like to lay down on my bed doing anything. Sitting on the sofa is bad because my back becomes damaged. I did actually sit in that chair at the ESA room, but it hurt though, will say I felt kind of bullied into sitting down. It was a very aggressive interview, like he was trying to convince me I was fine and then judge me on it, and I were to feel guilty for saying what was true, he didn't like that.
Also didn't mention that I have actually being planning to commit suicide through this depression, I got so tired of trying in life and being lost, not having anything work out for me, just being in the **** 24/7, had lost hope, didn't want to say it in front of the social worker. Also said that I had trouble remembering half of the stuff I have, because I can't just keep a list of what's wrong with me, my ADD makes it hard for me to do that.