When is it too late for the no contact rule?

If this is what you young people do to get a girl back then i weep for humanity.

If you want the girl then go get her.

All the time that your sat here doing something out of womens magazine, her single and loose friends are encouraging her to go out with them. Women today don't sit around pining.

..

Actually, why'd she dump you?

learn the lyrics to this song off by heart and sing it to her

works every time.

QUESTION: Should I do a 30 day no contact period or a 21 day one? I'm feeling a bit better now, and according to her social media she's been sad lately (although I'm not saying this is related to me pushing her away, for all I know her Gradma has died.)

It's chill if she's dating casually, I am too and that's the sort of thing I want when I re-initiate contact. Just casual pulling.

BUT she's a serial monogamist and I worry that if I leave it too late she'll get a serious bf, so would 21 days be better?

Cheers

This sort of tactical approach is not going to work. 30 days or 21 days is not going to make a difference.

What will make a difference is if you are able to kind of psychologically move on, to a point where you're not as invested any more. Trust me this makes a huge difference. If you're standing tall in life, you can still be open to her but not pining for her or obsessing over tactics of getting her back, you are going to be far more attractive.

I fear that the fact you are thinking about things like 21 day or 30 day no contact rule means you haven't moved on, you are still desperate for her, and you are going to bungle any attempt to get back with her, you will just delay the attempt. Chill out and work on yourself and improving your own life and you may be surprised what the world brings.

Insightful comment that reflects the worldview I'm slowly moving towards. Okay, maybe I should drop the 21-30 day thing and just chill and work on myself until that time comes. I'm still only on day 10 going on 11 so I suppose it's an issue for a later date. Thanks for that, please keep checking back here because you seem to seriously know that you're talking about

Good man I like the way you are thinking. It's important to remember you aren't a loser for thinking the way you are or trying to devise plans/strategies to get a girl back. It's natural and we all have been there at some point. And it can happen - although you just have to accept many aspects are out of your control.

You just need to take a bigger picture view: by working on yourself and improving yourself and your life, good things will happen, and the chances are much better than by trying an obsessive single strategy on one ex partner.

But if it helps to keep that partner in mind as a goal to get back, that's ok too, if it motivates you. She might be the one that drives you to make yourself better, out of hoping to get her back, but you also might well find someone else as a by product of it, and there are a lot of amazing girls in the world.

I suppose if she moves on that's out my hands but because I told her not to message me, and didn't tell her I'm planning to come back, she could do and I feel like cutting no contact a bit could help me. Should I just not do that and accept her relationship status when I re-establish contact?

Why did you break up?

If you want her back then i'd be pretty forward about it. The opportune moment is now.

Still though, if she gets a boyfriend between that 9 day gap imagine how much I'd kick myself? I'd hate it, and she's had so many of them and they usually last for months. I could be walking myself off a cliff here?

Still though, if she gets a boyfriend between that 9 day gap imagine how much I'd kick myself? I'd hate it, and she's had so many of them and they usually last for months. I could be walking myself off a cliff here?

Jealousy. I was fairly forward about it and honestly that was a god awful idea in practice.I'm now doing no contact period now because I basically got friendzoned. But I'm making the right moves now, so keep your fingers crossed for me.

The harsh reality is that it is completely over, if she wanted to get back together she would have said, I would move on and put this down to experience and learn from it.

What about if you get another girlfriend during that 9 day gap?

If you think its inconceivable that you would get another girl in that time but a fair possibility that she would get another boyfriend then it's looking like she feels differently about the situation than you.

Why would you kick yourself? What if she still dosent want you back even if she has no boyfriend you are clinging onto hope and you are going to be left hurt and disappointed if nothing happens between you both.
You said you have worked on your jealousy issues but even if you worked on them maybe that is something she can't get over how you were in the past she probably felt you were possessive and insecure and dosent want to get back with you but dosen't want you out her life completely.

As someone pointed out earlier, couples get back together all the time. This is a short-sighted comment.

Yes some couples do get back together, but if she missed you that much and wanted to message you, surely she would have got in touch by now.