Messed up my life and haunted by what could have been

Take a BTEC

Get a job you're comfortable with, save money and find a hobby you can enjoy with that money. Don't get yourself down over trivial things like qualifications when they don't mean anything in the long run of things.
Focus on taking advantage of the easy work and enjoy your life instead of being depressed about what could have been. Forget what your parents and others think because it's your life, not theirs.

That's the thing I'm struggling to enjoy my life when I hate it. I want to change my life around but don't know how to go about it. I currently work in m&s, there's no one there that is my age so socially wise the job isn't that great. For the most part as soon as I go there my brain switches off, I do mindless work then come home and repeat. It's not the life for me at all. Doing a job I enjoy would require qualifications. I tried to look for a job outside of retail because retail Is soul draining but there really isn't much

Well you mentioned Youtube in your OP, what's stopping you from trying that in your free time?

I wouldn't know what to do. I don't really want to be another makeup guru though I could easily do it. I enjoy singing but I'm no Beyoncé and I'm afraid of putting myself out there when I'm not that great and know there's better people. Keeping in mind friends and family
Members would see it . Guess I just lack confidence too much?

Hi,
I'm 19 going on twenty. My biggest fear in life is not making anything of myself, but lately that's what I see my future becoming and it's scaring me. The worst part is being shadowed by my past failure. from secondary school I got into my boroughs best sixth form. My parents were thrilled as was I. From there I was studying 4 a levels. Everything was fine. Until suddenly i went from getting A's in my GCSEs to Ds and Us in my alevels. I didn't know where I was going wrong my confidence took a giant hit and no teachers helped me to improve. Infact if anything I got the impression they needed some people to fail to make the others look good. From there I lost motivation and had numerous problems during my academic years including losing a family member and having trouble with a student to the point where the police got involved. Unsurprisingly I wasn't let back and my mum was devasted. She was and still is dissapointed in me, and so am I for letting her and myself down. I then entered a new college, but again I had major issues at home and lost another family member. However I tried to strive on, during the last month of college I flunked so all two years of hard work went down the drain. I could have easily pushed on and got into a uni but if I can't commit to a levels how can I commit to a degree? I hate education and genuinely have no motivation for anything anymore. I feel like all talents I have are gone and now I just do a full time retail job. But what kills me
Is seeing all my friends go off to uni thriving in their social life's and getting somewhere when I know I have so much potentional. I am not stupid. However I Struggle to apply myself to anything. But I realise what I could have been, a very happy girl with lots of friends meeting lots of people and getting good qualifications. Despite the fact I'm not dumb this education system basically has it so that if your not in the system you've practically failed life in the eyes of everyone. I thought of doing things like YouTube, travelling, taking up hobbies but everything I'm bad at or don't feel good enough in now. It kills me to know what I could have been and where I am now, left behind from all my friends. The worst thing is I don't feel like I have any options. I want to do animation(the art design part) or study psychology but there's no apprenticeships in this. To go to uni I'd have to beg my college to let me finish that last month so I can actually have a qualification but I'm too ashamed of myself. Even my teachers said they were dissapointed in me. I'm not saying for sympathy, I want to take action to better my life and seeking guidance is my first step. I don't know what my options are or where to turn to but I really can't live my life like this anymore. any suggestions are more than welcome.
Thank you for your time reading this

That's the thing I'm struggling to enjoy my life when I hate it. I want to change my life around but don't know how to go about it. I currently work in m&s, there's no one there that is my age so socially wise the job isn't that great. For the most part as soon as I go there my brain switches off, I do mindless work then come home and repeat. It's not the life for me at all. Doing a job I enjoy would require qualifications. I tried to look for a job outside of retail because retail Is soul draining but there really isn't much

Honestly they are just exams. Bit of application and just about anyone cna do them.

With all due respect, I disagree ... although it does sound like the OP has low confidence/self-esteem and could benefit from therapy, and the suggestions of volunteering/shadowing are great ones.

Different people have different ways of thinking and A-level exams only ever tend to measure one way. They expect everyone to think in a very similar way and (in certain subjects at least) look for very specific answers even when other answers are also valid and the question doesn't give much guidance as to what, exactly, the examiner wants.

Some people pass A-level exams effortlessly; others get there through hard-work; others work hard but still struggle greatly because either the subjects, and/or the teaching style, and/or the examination style are just not for them. They tend to be the quiet ones, but they are definitely there (including a large proportion of my classmates at school). I myself passed, but not brilliantly, and everyone around me -- teachers, parents, classmates -- would tell you that I really worked hard.

Sorry for the vent, I just wanted to point out that it's not as simple as that for everyone, and also that it's not hopeless for the many students who don't do so well at A-levels.

It doesnt have to be A levels, there are other types. The OP claims to have the ability just not the inclination.

In my experience are just as much if not moreso about application on unerstanding what is needed and then giving them what they want. There are plenty of revision books that provide model answers plus online resources that give you more information than ever showing you how they score.

The OP claims to have potential, but by her own admission has not applied herself. The reason she hasnt go anywhere seems to be much more down to her own actions rather than academic limitations.

I dont think many people pass them effortlessly, they just get smart and know hwo the system works. I never said it was hopeless for people who didnt do A levels , thats just come from you. The OP claims to have ability, its up to her to find the most efficient way to realising it in a way that helps her get to where she wants to go.

Disagree all you want with me.

I think this sounds too much like a pity party and you have lost all perspective.

Its just a small hiccup and far too dramatic to start saying you are haunted.

Get some perspective you messed up a few exams and you failed to apply yourself. It seems the responsibility for that is yours and nobody else is to blame.

You dont really say what you did to get yourself kicked out and flunk your exams. Clearly you believe you have the potential.

You are only 19, so you just need a plan to consider what you want, to look at your options and then consider the best course of action for you to get yourself where you wish to go. If it were me I would.

1. Sort out my mental health, decide who I was, what I wanted and understand past events. If you are going off the rails then decide why? Is it really the death of a relative or are you just using that to hang other issues on? If you ahve other issues, then see your GP and get some therapy/ counseling.

2.Decide what it is you would really like to do either at university or as a career. You say animation or psychology. Do some research, see whats required. You can also see a careers adviser, talk to one on the phone or visit one locally.

https://nationalcareersservice.direct.gov.uk/aboutus/contactus/Pages/Contactus.aspx

Psychology
https://nationalcareersservice.direct.gov.uk/advice/planning/jobprofiles/Pages/psychologist.aspx
https://www.prospects.ac.uk/careers-advice/what-can-i-do-with-my-degree/psychology

Animator
https://nationalcareersservice.direct.gov.uk/advice/planning/jobprofiles/Pages/animator.aspx

https://www.prospects.ac.uk/job-profiles/animator

3. Work out what qualifications you need and how to get there. There is a bit on education from the career profiles. They dont always require a degree.

4. Work out your options as to where you can study to give you the qualifications you need to move on. That could include:

Resit A levels, returning to college, doing an access course.
Is it really such a big deal to go and see your tutors and asking them if you can finish your course? You need to start growing up and making some adult decisions thats best for you. If you cnat do it then go and see an advisor at the SU who can ask on your behalf. Seems silly to throw awat 2 years work if thats whats standing in the way of you getting onto the course you want.

5. You may need to work out financing. You claim how bright you are and how much potential you have. If this is so, then you need to show it. That means knuckling down and taking the exams needed. You claim to hate education, but tbh lots of people dont like hard work or the stress associated, but they get on with it. If tiy wnat to do these things you say you are capable of then its up to you to get off your backside and apply yourself. Nobody else is interested, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and start dealing with things.

6. When you know what you wnat to do and where , plus you have arranged everything so the next phase is possible, then I think you need to speak to your parents and get them onbiard that you have had a big think, taken advice and you have a clear plan how to turn things around.

Then its just a case of going it. Two years will pass quickly. You will work hard, get good results to show everyone that you can achieve and then you will go off to Uni or wherever just like everyone else. A mere two years behind, which considering you are going to libe till 80, isnt a whole lot.

You only start to fail when you give up.

You have your whole life in front of you. Look forward and decide what you want to do and how you will achieve it. You havent lost your legs, you dont have cancer, you just had some small setbacks. Everyone has them. Good luck

Hmm, I understood the post a little differently -- I thought that OP meant that she was doing her best to apply herself but struggling academically at first, but lost motivation as she just couldn't achieve the high grades she was achieving before, causing her confidence to drop. You may be right though.

That's true, you didn't say that about it being hopeless; apologies for the miswording. I should have written that in a separate post.

Thank you for the permission to disagree I don't want to pick a forum-fight or anything, just to make sure that we're all understanding the OP properly and so giving the most suitable advice we can.

As I understood it, OP's problem is not only that she is struggling to apply herself now, but that her difficulties in applying herself stem from other difficulties which were there before and might still make exams more difficult even if she were to fully apply herself again.