Clingy, weird and lonely "friend" who I don't like either.
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(edited 5 years ago)
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Original post by MaSharKo
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First of all I think that you are a very good person for making an effort to include this socially despised person in your group and to be kind to him instead of bullying him like your friends do. It's a lovely thing for you to do and I don't think anybody will have any problem with that
Now, the lad in question might have a disability such as autism in which case he won't understand what he's doing is socially unacceptable. Have you tried talking to him about it? He won't pick up subtle clues like body language and tone if he has autism; you will have to tell him
The reason he has no social skills is because of what he's been through.He wants a proper friend,someone that will care for him and accept him as he is.Why don't u still be friends with him but talk to him about him touching u and etc and tell him u need ur personal space...But please don't be rude to him bc no one deserves to be treated like that
Original post by MaSharKo
Thanks, for the reply.
At first, I tried to be really subtle, like moving away when he touches me, as if I'm distracted by something. But that didn't work.
Then I physically moved away from him, and laughed it off as a joke. But that didn't work either.
Yesterday I told him, directly to his face, not to touch me. He said "Okay, I'll stop touching you", but just today when I was leaving school, he came up to me, touched my shoulder in a very uncomfortable way and said "Bye Masharko!"
I don't think he has Autism. Usually I can tell if someone has a mental condition like that - he just seems naturally bad at making friends.
At first, I tried to be really subtle, like moving away when he touches me, as if I'm distracted by something. But that didn't work.
Then I physically moved away from him, and laughed it off as a joke. But that didn't work either.
Yesterday I told him, directly to his face, not to touch me. He said "Okay, I'll stop touching you", but just today when I was leaving school, he came up to me, touched my shoulder in a very uncomfortable way and said "Bye Masharko!"
I don't think he has Autism. Usually I can tell if someone has a mental condition like that - he just seems naturally bad at making friends.
Autism isn't a mental condition; it's a neurological disorder. Be aware that there is a different but similar disorder called aspergers which is kind of like autism but not as severe so you wouldn't always be able to tell if someone did have this kind of condition.
Keep telling him plainly what he's doing wrong; he might just have bad memory and it'll take him a while to learn
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(edited 5 years ago)
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(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by MaSharKo
Hi everyone. I'm MaSharKo and this is my first time on here asking a question, so bear with me.
I have this "friend" at school; let's call him Thomas for example.
I have lots of friends who really care about me, we share lots of things in common and we have been friends since the middle of year 7, and now we are all in year 10. However, there is this guy called Thomas who is the typical guy who gets bullied at school. He plays with Pokemon cards, he is really spotty, not into sport and socially unaware of everything. Basically, those "nerd" characters in cartoons set in schools.
At lunchtimes and breaktimes, he used to hang out with a group of people inside the canteen who all played card games with each other. Stuff like Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokemon, so obviously from the very beginning he was an easy target for bullies. Not that I am saying that he is wrong for playing those games, I just think it's really childish. Anyway, his group of friends recently stopped playing that card games, and as a result they started hanging out with new people. This left Thomas, who could never really make friends.
Two weeks ago, I saw him stand outside at lunchtime, looking really lonely. I invited him to sit with my friends and I, which he gladly accepted. None of my friends like him, some even bully him, and frankly I blame some of Thomas's social problems on them. However... I am becoming like them too.
Ever since I invited him to sit with me, he won't leave me alone. He asks me really awkward questions, like "Are we friends?" all the time. One time, I avoided him throughout the day and at the end of lunchtime he found me, came up to me and said "Oh, I didn't see you all day - did you miss me?"
At that point, I knew I had a problem.
You see, out all of my friends, I'm the kindest. My friends laugh at Thomas, while I always tried to be nice to him, but now he acts like we are best friends. He tries to walk home with me, he follows me around school, he tries to start random conversations with me for no reason, and worst of all he doesn't understand personal space!
He has a really annoying habit of physically touching me on the arm and shoulder. Sometimes he will come up behind me and put his hand around my neck and slouch on me! I don't let my normal friends do that to me, never mind him! At first, I ignored this, and then brought up the problem with my friends. They say they are all noticing his habit and are making jokes about it, saying how he is a "loner" with no friends. But I am no better either, as I also make jokes about him now. I always try to treat others how I want to be treated, but Thomas is so unbelievable annoying and weird!
Anyone have any solutions on how to distance my self away from this person? He is really, really, really CLINGY! He asked one of my really close friends this:
"Do you think me and MaSharko(Well, not MaSharKo, but my real name) are best friends?"
He is so awkward, he has NO social skill and follows me around like a dog!
I have this "friend" at school; let's call him Thomas for example.
I have lots of friends who really care about me, we share lots of things in common and we have been friends since the middle of year 7, and now we are all in year 10. However, there is this guy called Thomas who is the typical guy who gets bullied at school. He plays with Pokemon cards, he is really spotty, not into sport and socially unaware of everything. Basically, those "nerd" characters in cartoons set in schools.
At lunchtimes and breaktimes, he used to hang out with a group of people inside the canteen who all played card games with each other. Stuff like Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokemon, so obviously from the very beginning he was an easy target for bullies. Not that I am saying that he is wrong for playing those games, I just think it's really childish. Anyway, his group of friends recently stopped playing that card games, and as a result they started hanging out with new people. This left Thomas, who could never really make friends.
Two weeks ago, I saw him stand outside at lunchtime, looking really lonely. I invited him to sit with my friends and I, which he gladly accepted. None of my friends like him, some even bully him, and frankly I blame some of Thomas's social problems on them. However... I am becoming like them too.
Ever since I invited him to sit with me, he won't leave me alone. He asks me really awkward questions, like "Are we friends?" all the time. One time, I avoided him throughout the day and at the end of lunchtime he found me, came up to me and said "Oh, I didn't see you all day - did you miss me?"
At that point, I knew I had a problem.
You see, out all of my friends, I'm the kindest. My friends laugh at Thomas, while I always tried to be nice to him, but now he acts like we are best friends. He tries to walk home with me, he follows me around school, he tries to start random conversations with me for no reason, and worst of all he doesn't understand personal space!
He has a really annoying habit of physically touching me on the arm and shoulder. Sometimes he will come up behind me and put his hand around my neck and slouch on me! I don't let my normal friends do that to me, never mind him! At first, I ignored this, and then brought up the problem with my friends. They say they are all noticing his habit and are making jokes about it, saying how he is a "loner" with no friends. But I am no better either, as I also make jokes about him now. I always try to treat others how I want to be treated, but Thomas is so unbelievable annoying and weird!
Anyone have any solutions on how to distance my self away from this person? He is really, really, really CLINGY! He asked one of my really close friends this:
"Do you think me and MaSharko(Well, not MaSharKo, but my real name) are best friends?"
He is so awkward, he has NO social skill and follows me around like a dog!
Why does him having spots have anything to do with this? and how can you blame his 'social problems' he obviously can't help it. I would love to spend 10 minutes with people like you, Grow up.
-things which happened
-this
-this
Original post by MaSharKo
You clearly do not understand, let me rephrase this for you.
At my school, as any school, there are people who like to be mean to others to boost their self confidence.
Those people are called bullies.
Are you still with me? Okay, here is the hard bit.
A easy way to be a bully is to make fun of someones physical appearance.
Bullies at my school make fun of Thomas's physical appearance.
I blame his social problems, because if he didn't have any, I would never post this thread.
I never blamed Thomas for having these social problems.
It is the same as how cancer can be blamed for killing thousands of people, but the people who HAVE cancer are the not killers. Maybe you should attempt to read next time?
At my school, as any school, there are people who like to be mean to others to boost their self confidence.
Those people are called bullies.
Are you still with me? Okay, here is the hard bit.
A easy way to be a bully is to make fun of someones physical appearance.
Bullies at my school make fun of Thomas's physical appearance.
I blame his social problems, because if he didn't have any, I would never post this thread.
I never blamed Thomas for having these social problems.
It is the same as how cancer can be blamed for killing thousands of people, but the people who HAVE cancer are the not killers. Maybe you should attempt to read next time?
Wooow I want to rip your head off.
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(edited 5 years ago)
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(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by MaSharKo
And I want world peace, and the teachings of literature to be available to everyone, like you.
You sound like a bully to me, Bullies deserve to be beaten.
I used to be that kid for a while. Life turned out awesome for me though 
To be honest, I would not have learned social appropriateness if it wasn't for my best friend who taught me stuff like "not to follow people around" and so on.
Be a nice person and talk to him about it, not us. Teach him that what he's doing is not socially appropriate and will only alienate him. Teach him how to be cool. I am sure coming out of it you will see that not only you've taught him something, but also your own personal skills will have improved by facing this situation and not running away from it. If you still can't face it, try speaking to a teacher who could possibly talk to him.
To be honest, I would not have learned social appropriateness if it wasn't for my best friend who taught me stuff like "not to follow people around" and so on. Be a nice person and talk to him about it, not us. Teach him that what he's doing is not socially appropriate and will only alienate him. Teach him how to be cool. I am sure coming out of it you will see that not only you've taught him something, but also your own personal skills will have improved by facing this situation and not running away from it. If you still can't face it, try speaking to a teacher who could possibly talk to him.
You should seriously consider either leaving your mates or giving them a good talking to. They sound like douchebags.
Original post by MaSharKo
Alright, thanks. I'll keep reminding him. And he might has Aspergers, but I don't want to ask him in case he doesn't.
But on the other hand, I have a friend who has ADHD, Bipolar, and something else that I couldn't remember, who is actually very funny to be around. He is quite eccentric, very hyper and loud, but for some reason we all like him how he is and it doesn't bother us (Most of the time.)
But on the other hand, I have a friend who has ADHD, Bipolar, and something else that I couldn't remember, who is actually very funny to be around. He is quite eccentric, very hyper and loud, but for some reason we all like him how he is and it doesn't bother us (Most of the time.)
That's because ADHD and Bipolar don't affect your social abilities whereas aspergers and autism do. They are entirely different conditions and should not be confused.
Original post by MaSharKo
You clearly do not understand, let me rephrase this for you.
At my school, as any school, there are people who like to be mean to others to boost their self confidence.
Those people are called bullies.
Are you still with me? Okay, here is the hard bit.
A easy way to be a bully is to make fun of someones physical appearance.
Bullies at my school make fun of Thomas's physical appearance.
I blame his social problems, because if he didn't have any, I would never post this thread.
I never blamed Thomas for having these social problems.
It is the same as how cancer can be blamed for killing thousands of people, but the people who HAVE cancer are the not killers. Maybe you should attempt to read next time?
At my school, as any school, there are people who like to be mean to others to boost their self confidence.
Those people are called bullies.
Are you still with me? Okay, here is the hard bit.
A easy way to be a bully is to make fun of someones physical appearance.
Bullies at my school make fun of Thomas's physical appearance.
I blame his social problems, because if he didn't have any, I would never post this thread.
I never blamed Thomas for having these social problems.
It is the same as how cancer can be blamed for killing thousands of people, but the people who HAVE cancer are the not killers. Maybe you should attempt to read next time?
And there goes any sympathy anyone might have had. Its exactly this attitude that has put you in this situation, all this 'oh aren't I such a nice person I talked to a kid who is clearly struggling to make friends' and probably feels like his life sucks because of it so is looking to you because you're the only person who isn't unkind to him - at least to his face - you let your friends bully him because you're too much of a damn coward to tell them to stop being such d!cks in case you aren't BFF's anymore or whatever stupid term people use these days.
He obviously has some sort of issue whether its obvious or not - that is not normal social behavior and you know it which is why this thread exists presumably, nobody who has full faculties concerning social interactions behaves like that and yeah those sorts of people are hard to deal with, i used to have a friend with severe ADHD and keeping him out of trouble felt like a full time career but I'd never dislike him because of his problems or try to shake him off because he's making my life awkward. This whole jumped up attitude 'oh let me rephrase' and all this 'should attempt to read next time' is your exact problem, you came on here for advice to get rid of a kid with social issues and dislike people taking a bad view of that. You're year ten so what fifteen? Something like that, you know absolutely nothing about anything. You actually know less than nothing because people your age are always so damn convinced they're right despite having no clue about the world in any way - you're the sort of age where people think they're Al Capone because they smoked a cigarette they stole from their dad behind the bike shed.
I'm not trying to be overly harsh but I mean seriously, how can you take this sort of attitude with people to whom you've turned for advice no less. You know this kid is bullied, he clearly isnt happy, you let your friends bully him and now you're trying to shake him off because he's inconveniencing you. The only response you've given a nice and reasonable reply to is one where you're called a 'lovely person' and that says everything doesn't it - you won't even consider the notion maybe you're being a bit nasty to the poor kid. As for 'I dont even let my friends touch me' so what? You have different relationships with different people, it sounds like he's trying as he stopped slouching on you or whatever it was. Its not all about you, this kind of attitude is the reason we have so many people with problems. Why not help him make some more friends? Show him how to do it, help him be socially competent? Tell him to go up to one of his old friends and join in with that group? It doesn't take a lot of effort. It isn't about you in this case, get your friends to help you - even if its just to shift him off at least you aren't leaving him with absolutely nobody. Granted its hard with the 'weirdos' and were I year 10 I'd have a hard time not just wanting rid but there is clearly some sort of problem with this kid and maybe you could try to make his life better rather than worse?
You sound like a decent, kind human being, kudos 
I completely understand your situation. There's always those people at school who are so socially awkward, and gawky, that they are prone to bullying. Yes, it is very sad and upsetting, that's why you were such a good person to offer for him to join your group. Not many people do that, especially considering what everyone else thinks of him.
... But at the same time, you are human. And if someone is behaving so awkwardly, and constantly says the wrong thing, and is inappropriate, of course it's going to frustrate you. Just because you feel sorry for him being bullied and ostracised, that doesn't mean you are immune to his annoying behaviour
It's a difficult situation. I don't think you're going to change him, it's just the way it is. But also I feel sorry for the little lad, if you push him out, but I also know how frustrating it must be to have someone like that constantly around :/
I don't really know what to suggest. Is there no way you can just hang around with him in moderation? Are are still nice to him, but not best mates?
I completely understand your situation. There's always those people at school who are so socially awkward, and gawky, that they are prone to bullying. Yes, it is very sad and upsetting, that's why you were such a good person to offer for him to join your group. Not many people do that, especially considering what everyone else thinks of him.
... But at the same time, you are human. And if someone is behaving so awkwardly, and constantly says the wrong thing, and is inappropriate, of course it's going to frustrate you. Just because you feel sorry for him being bullied and ostracised, that doesn't mean you are immune to his annoying behaviour
It's a difficult situation. I don't think you're going to change him, it's just the way it is. But also I feel sorry for the little lad, if you push him out, but I also know how frustrating it must be to have someone like that constantly around :/
I don't really know what to suggest. Is there no way you can just hang around with him in moderation? Are are still nice to him, but not best mates?
(edited 7 years ago)
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