Boyfriends friendship making me uncomfortable

I have been with my boyfriend nearly 6 months now and feel really strongly for him, however there are a few things that really bother me.*

Quite a few years ago he became really good friends with a girl and they have got into the habit of talking every day/every other day and meeting up every week. It is usually for a couple of hours I think and a couple of times a week at her house. He says she lives really close by and he talks to his guy friends that often aswell. They even know eachothers familys really well. He reassures me that they are like brother and sister and there is no attraction and she is just a friend so I have nothing to worry about. I trust that he isnt cheating and he has introduced us and she made an effort to talk to me.*

But no matter what is said I really do hate it and I am not sure what to do about it anymore. He says he is doing nothing wrong so doesn't understand, but mentioned he has spoken to her about it briefly and she said she would feel exactly the same if a boyfriend of hers had a close girl mate. In a way this makes me feel worse that they both know their friendship makes me uncomfortable but neither is willing to tone it down a bit. He is starting to get reallt irritated at me bringing it up and is annoyed he feels he has to keep explaining himself. Is it unreasonable to request their friendship is toned down a bit and he makes more effort with me? **

Reply 1

username1753569

15

I think it's extremely rude of you to go into a relationship with him and expect him to "tone down" his friendship with her when they have been friends much longer than you have been together. I expect that if you do not lose the insecurity you will eventually lose your boyfriend. It's natural to feel jealousy, but if you start to become controlling you will only push him away.

Reply 2

MasterJack

11

It's human nature, don't kid yourself. You two need to have a serious discussion because either you have to be okay with it, or he has to tone it down. There's no point pretending or hiding your feelings about this issue because it's eventually going to eat at you unless you genuinely stop caring about it. You mentioned already that they understand how you feel so I'm not quite sure what kind of message this is sending...

Reply 3

Tiger Rag

22

Would you be feeling the same if this was a male friend?

You can't enter a relationship with someone and expect them to change a friendship they already have. I'd be pretty pissed if you told me to do that.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Okay well let's put it this way.. how would you handle the situation? Would it bother you alot? Would you leave?*

Reply 5

yudothis

20

Original post by Anonymous

In a way this makes me feel worse that they both know their friendship makes me uncomfortable but neither is willing to tone it down a bit. He is starting to get reallt irritated at me bringing it up and is annoyed he feels he has to keep explaining himself. Is it unreasonable to request their friendship is toned down a bit and he makes more effort with me? **

Grow tf up!

Yes it is.

Reply 6

Nunchuck-master-2334

20

Original post by Anonymous

Okay well let's put it this way.. how would you handle the situation? Would it bother you alot? Would you leave?*

I see no problems with having another friend who is a girl. I don't think it's fair to ask him to tone down a friendship he has with someone, even if it is another girl.
If you're not happy about it, then just leave him. You mentioned that your bf is getting annoyed at you for bringing it up, and I would be if I was in his shoes. You really do need to GTFU.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by MasterJack

It's human nature, don't kid yourself. You two need to have a serious discussion because either you have to be okay with it, or he has to tone it down. There's no point pretending or hiding your feelings about this issue because it's eventually going to eat at you unless you genuinely stop caring about it. You mentioned already that they understand how you feel so I'm not quite sure what kind of message this is sending...

If it's human nature how does anyone get over it :-/ what would you do/feel in this situation? *

Reply 8

PrinceHarrys

5

Do the same with a close guy friend ayyyy lmao das it mane.

Reply 9

Chocolatesoup

13

Original post by Anonymous

I have been with my boyfriend nearly 6 months now and feel really strongly for him, however there are a few things that really bother me.*

Quite a few years ago he became really good friends with a girl and they have got into the habit of talking every day/every other day and meeting up every week. It is usually for a couple of hours I think and a couple of times a week at her house. He says she lives really close by and he talks to his guy friends that often aswell. They even know eachothers familys really well. He reassures me that they are like brother and sister and there is no attraction and she is just a friend so I have nothing to worry about. I trust that he isnt cheating and he has introduced us and she made an effort to talk to me.*

But no matter what is said I really do hate it and I am not sure what to do about it anymore. He says he is doing nothing wrong so doesn't understand, but mentioned he has spoken to her about it briefly and she said she would feel exactly the same if a boyfriend of hers had a close girl mate. In a way this makes me feel worse that they both know their friendship makes me uncomfortable but neither is willing to tone it down a bit. He is starting to get reallt irritated at me bringing it up and is annoyed he feels he has to keep explaining himself. Is it unreasonable to request their friendship is toned down a bit and he makes more effort with me? **

I understand where you're coming from, it's not a nice feeling when the person you love/are in a relationship with seems to bond more with someone else or have a really close friendship with someone else.

However I think this is maybe more to do with how you feel about yourself, do you think you're maybe feeling low/insecure about yourself? It's okay to feel that way, but maybe the way you feel about yourself is effecting how you perceive the strength of the relationship, if that makes sense. If you were comfortable with yourself and felt secure, you wouldn't care about any other girl, cos you'd know your partner is committed to you and you can trust him. Do you feel you can trust him?

I guess this is also maybe about your fears, are you afraid he will cheat on you with her or leave you for her? because yes these are things that can come into your head, or even be subconscious things, but i think in relationships you have to try to trust, and focus on your relationship and putting effort into it to make it work. if you did get hurt, it has nothing to do with you, its outside your control, and of course your bf would be an idiot. however you dont know that will happen, and worrying about it or mistrusting him will only drive a wedge between you and you guessed it, push him away anyway.

I think all you can do is maybe try to work on your self esteem, and have a conversation with your bf about trust and how you guys feel. myself ive been close friends with guys in relationships and known it is completely harmless and we really are just friends, but can understand how their girlfriends might feel uncomfortable or suspicious.

maybe you could hang out with her and try to become friends with her, if you get to know her better youll know what kinda person she is and maybe thatll make you more reassured that shes fine?