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I've lost my self, I feel like i made a big mistake

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Original post by Josb
Please quote it.


“Say to the believing women that: they should cast down their glances and guard their private parts (by being chaste)…”This is a similar command as given to the men in the previous verse regarding hijab of the eyes”.This hijab of eyes is similar to the teaching of Jesus where he says, “You have heard that it was said by them of old time, you shall not commit adultery. But I say unto you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.So if you see a Muslim casting his/her eyes downwards when he/she is talking to a member of opposite sex, this should not be considered as rude or an indication of lack of confidence he/she is just abiding by the Qur’anic as well as Biblical teaching.* * * * *After hijab of the eyes” came the order describing the dress code for women:
“...and not display their beauty except what is apparent, and they should place their khumr over their bosoms...”
Reply 121
Original post by MiszShortee786
“Say to the believing women that: they should cast down their glances and guard their private parts (by being chaste)…”This is a similar command as given to the men in the previous verse regarding hijab of the eyes”.This hijab of eyes is similar to the teaching of Jesus where he says, “You have heard that it was said by them of old time, you shall not commit adultery. But I say unto you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.So if you see a Muslim casting his/her eyes downwards when he/she is talking to a member of opposite sex, this should not be considered as rude or an indication of lack of confidence he/she is just abiding by the Qur’anic as well as Biblical teaching.* * * * *After hijab of the eyes” came the order describing the dress code for women:
“...and not display their beauty except what is apparent, and they should place their khumr over their bosoms...”


So you couldn't find a verse...

“...and not display their beauty except what is apparent, and they should place their khumr over their bosoms...”

BREASTS, NOT HEAD.
Original post by Josb
So you couldn't find a verse...

“...and not display their beauty except what is apparent, and they should place their khumr over their bosoms...”

BREASTS, NOT HEAD.


Khumur خُمُرٌ is plural of khimarخِمَارٌ , the veil covering the head. defines al-khimar as “something with which a woman conceals her head .” This defines al-khimar as “scarf, and it is known as such because the head is covered with it.”So the word khimar, by definition, means a piece of cloth that covers the head.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by MiszShortee786
Khumur خُمُرٌ is plural of khimarخِمَارٌ , the veil covering the head. defines al-khimar as “something with which a woman conceals her head .” This defines al-khimar as “scarf, and it is known as such because the head is covered with it.”So the word khimar, by definition, means a piece of cloth that covers the head.


This is a cultural not literal definition. Like me reading an account in the 1700s about a car and assuming it meant a porsche 911, not a carriage. There is no obligation to wear a hijaab in the Qu'ran. Sorry.

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Reply 124
Original post by MiszShortee786
Khumur خُمُرٌ is plural of khimarخِمَارٌ , the veil covering the head. defines al-khimar as “something with which a woman conceals her head .” This defines al-khimar as “scarf, and it is known as such because the head is covered with it.”So the word khimar, by definition, means a piece of cloth that covers the head.


This is one translation, most other translations disagree and say it was just a veil.

Spoiler



Don't you think that if God had wanted you to cover your head, he would have made it clear in the Qu'ran?

Instead of that, you're saying that women must cover their head because the Qu'ran mentions a piece of cloth that might have also been used to conceal their hair. Nowhere in the Qu'ran it is written that women should cover their head, only their breasts.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
little background info; i'm 18, female, moved out of a very conservative Muslim household to study in a different city, getting a lot of **** for it too but that's not the point

the point is I went out with my housemates last night to celebrate an occasion. we went to a club. i wanted to go because every time they told me to go, (they weren't pressuring or anything) i would say no even though i really wanted to. i was scared. of my parents, of them finding out. i also felt out of place, since I wear a head covering.

after many problems caused because of speculation that i was going to go out or take my scarf off, i was like you know what - since im getting **** for it already I might as well do it. And i did. I took the scarf off because 1) i dont believe in it, 2) if i WAS wearing the scarf i would a) present islam in a negative light and b) not enjoy my self and feel paranoid and feel out of place and everyone would stare at me

but the whole bus journey there, i felt so weird. it didn't feel like i'd done anything drastic. but i kept mentally beating my self up about it. i kept calling my self names and cheap and weak because i 'gave in' - it hurts even though i know i wanted this. I guess i feel bad because i let down my parents. i enjoyed the night though. but coming back, letting it all sink in, it didn't feel real. in fact, if it wasn't for my aching joints i would've thought it was all a dream.

i've been in bed all day. i didnt go to lectures. i feel like ****. i did not drink, or have sex, or even talk to boys, technically i did nothing to be 'ashamed' of, but i still feel horrible. i've just been crying and crying. i only left the room to go toilet. i still haven't eaten since last night really.

i also have another problem. i took it off, and obviously a lot of uni students were there. some of whom are friends or acquaintances. i felt like it was a one time thing, i'd put it back on. but how can i? wouldn't that make me a hypocrite? of course, there's also the point that if i DO fully take it off, my parents WILL find out - i've seen a few former friends back from my high school, who know people who know people who will get it to them.

I'm just scared, and i feel stupid and i hate myself right now. i just want to end it all but that would do no good to anyone . i dont know what to do or how to feel.

can anyone give me some advice? or atleast calm me down? please?



It's not the end of the world, there are people with far worse problems than that like being forced into arranged marriage abroad, etc
You did nothing wrong and you should not be ashamed or angry with yourself.
Your only human so you are allowed to go out and have fun, many people with the same religious beliefs do the same thing. You should do it again and you are allowed to talk to boys and nothing to be ashamed of there as long as you don't have sex with them. It's your life not your parents. You should make it a regular thing to go out with your friends and enjoy life at least once a week or once a month. And you can just have a coke or lemonade if you don't drink alcohol

Your not a hypocrite either as most people who are religious or not, even english people have to keep it secret from their parents when they want to go to clubs, etc
You did not let your parents down either. What they don't know won't hurt them and if they did find out just say everytime it was a special occassion like a birthday or something else people celebrate.
No parent should force their religious beliefs onto their children, it should be their own choice.
And so what if you took it off, you have to do that sometimes.
You can wear it during the day and take it off when you go to clubs with your mates or not wear it at all. I'm sure lots of religious people have exactly the same fears as you and worry too much about small things like that

Whenever they ask you to go out you should go from now on as you are lucky you have mates who include you in stuff because most people don't have good mates like that their stuck at home being bored and never going out because their mates dumped them, don't keep in contact often or don't bother to invite them to go out
And who cares if someone saw you because they are probably doing the same thing so their not going to grass you up, you can only worry about it if another person or your family asked you about it.
Go and cheer yourself up by eating your favourite meal or treat yourself to a takeaway and watching a good film.
Original post by Anonymous
for those asking;
yes - i enjoyed the night
no - i don't believe the hijab is compulsory
no - i don't want to wear it
check my post i left earlier here http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showpost.php?p=68020548&postcount=64 for more details

i feel guilt because my parents trusted me, i told them i wouldnt mess up. they were going to pull me out for this very reason - not even, for *speculation* that i would do such a thing but i reassured them and convinced them to let me go back. i got angry, that they put me through **** based on their speculations, and figured since im getting punished for something i didnt do i might as well do it.

but i still feel guilty. i still feel scared and judged and like a failure because everyone told my parents dont let her move out you'll lose your daughter and i proved them right. and that's why i feel like ****. but also because i know that what i want for my self is the complete opposite of what they want for me. i just feel so stuck in the middle. in my mind at least, in real life i dont have a choice. i have to live the way they want me to, or they'll find someone for me that wants that too and there goes my life. of course that's going to happen eventually anyway, so why speed it up?


They already lost you a long time ago, by valuing their repressive beliefs more than their own children.

You're probably anxious because you don't want to be cut off from your parents, that's understandable, but can you really consider living a lie for their sake?
Nice one, perhaps you found yourself? Flee the shackles of your oppression, grow and live as you choose, not as your parents or religous dogma

Live, laugh, learn, love, lube x
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I'm Muslim and even I wouldn't say that


That is the choice that you have made, i have no problem with that.
Original post by markova21
It's a pity the men in Rochdale didn't lower their gaze, isn't it? Or do they only lower their gaze when it's Muslim women and anybody else is fair game for abuse?


Allah (swt) commands men to lower their gaze from any woman that is not for him.
so for example he wouldn't need to lower his gaze in front of his wife.
Original post by Josb
Please leave as soon as you can.


I will do, once i finish my Islamic studies.
Original post by Anonymous
Better today than tomorrow.
If God can forgive even murder with sincere repentance, then I'm sure I'll be fine. I'm not worried about what Allah will think of me. I still believe in Him, and love Him, and am thankful to Him for all the good He's given me, and all the lessons He's taught me from the bad. But all this cultural , traditional ******** hiding behind the name of Islam is pushing me away from Him. All this oppression, all these threats, and shaming, it's pushing me closer and closer to just leaving Islam tbh. I can't live just for Heaven. I don't love God and worship him solely to get into Heaven. If you married a man for the sole purpose of living in his mansion and taking his money do you think he'd approve of your relationship? No? So how could you worship Heaven/ Jannah instead of your Creator?

Besides - who are you to tell me that I will lose Jannah? Are you God? Then do not judge. This is not advice that you're giving, you are literally trying to guilt trip me into doing something you think is right for me. Maybe you are willing to live your life like that but I am not. I'm not taking my hijab off to gain anything. I am not seeking pleasure. I am trying to rid my self of this burden. I'm trying to lose the chains that are holding me back from seeing the beauty in religion. It symbolises something opposite to what I want to represent. I am not close minded, I am not better than anyone else because I cover, or because I 'look religious', or even because I believe in religion. I am not the property of man, I am not something to be ashamed of, something to hide, a wild creature that will go crazy and **** every guy on the street if she was let out of her cage. And don't you dare try to tell me it protects me from men because it doesn't. Why was I physically sexually harassed by a stranger who I did not even make eye contact with while covered from head to toe? Where is this magical forcefield that will deflect male attention.

Don't talk to me like that.


What a brilliant response hun! Good luck if you choose to lose the hijab and feel free to PM me if you want to vent :smile:
Original post by RobML
How about Islam tought men not to be predatory perverts instead of forcing women to repress themselves?

EXACTLY!
Original post by h333
I am sorry you feel that way. However, Islam is about justice and guidance in life as you submit to God and believe his guidance is the best for you. If one does believe in Islam then they are not oppressing themselves as it is their own will to do so. Men and women, are guided to not engage in fornification.

Some things you mentioned really does not make sense sorry, so me following Islam means I am limited to a certain part of the world only? I find this quite repressive.

I have not forced anything on her. As she is a Muslim I advised according to Islam and then it is up to her to take it or not. She needs to think carefully without rushing, at the end of the day it is her will. I can't make my own rules in Islam and start telling others to follow it. If she believes in Islam the I hope she tries to use it to guide her. However, no one is perfect and if she chooses to not follow a certain rule/guidance from God within Islam then that will not make her a non-Muslim instantly (as long as she does not associate anyone with God). We have no right to judge but just to advise according to Islam as it is truthfully. Only God can judge.
Sometimes Muslim don't understand why they are guided to do certain things in Islam but still do it (unfortunately some don't appreciate/see the point of it as a consequence). It is important to know the reasons behind it, seek to clear any doubts etc and then it is upon you to make the decision.

I do honestly care for OP. May Allah/God make it easier for her and guide her. Ameen. (Not because I think she is a bad person but because I wish the best for her in the long term).


There are plenty of muslims who dont wear the hijab. OP has made it clear TWICE that she does not want to wear the hijab so you need to respect her decision and work with that instead of inciting that what she has done. Idc what Islam says, there are muslims who dont wear the hijab so why are you forcing it?
Original post by MiszShortee786
Sorry if you felt that I was 'pouncing' upon you. In regards to you're query the Hijab is not cultural is religious its part of Islamic identity whether you like it or not. Should I begin to tell you what real oppression is? When Hadhrat Bilal (RA) was for to sleep on the hot burning sand in the hottest stone with a big heavy rock and getting whipped severely he was still able to claim Ahad Ahad. Today we think its us that oppress one another! SubhanAllah even through this tragedy he was able to take the pain of this world just for his Akhirah. Thats what I call true oppression.

In terms of today's oppression media is the main one for us. (Again I will save myself by going into detail.)

FYI we dont 'worship' Jannah. We strive for Jannah considering that will be our eternal home. Theres a difference.

And I am very sorry that you had to experience such however you will find that its not only you that was sexually harassed with the full coverings. Many muslimahs these days find themselves in this position unfortunately.


Just because you say "whether you like it or not" after something does not make it factual and it comes across as if you are snapping at me.

Right. Because you can't say you're hungry when there are starving children in Africa. You can't say you're suffering from mental illness when there's a war going on in Syria. Is that what you're saying?

Yeah? Well then your argument should've been to wear it so I don't sabotage my relationship with God and not so that I don't ruin my chances of getting into Heaven. Besides, like I said a million times, I don't believe the hijab is compulsory in Islam as there is nothing saying cover your hair in the Quran. And again, like I said, I feel it's pushing me away from God tbh.

I don't understand. You say the hijab is there to protect women from being harrassed by men, I ask you why I was harrassed while wearing it and you tell me that it's not only me and many other hijabis get harrassed too? How does that support your argument or make any sense?
Original post by Anonymous
I also took off my headscarf a couple of months ago because I didn't believe in it at all- I still don't. I haven't told my parents yet because they will definitely not give me the permission to do it; I know them really well, they're too religious to accept it.

I regret taking it off. although doing it made feel like I was free to some extent, I now walk around with the fear that someone who knows me might see me and tell my family. I also started becoming scared of cameras ( what if someone takes a picture of me and then my parents see it somehow!). It's not just this; I'm now even scared that people who know me without my scarf could see me walking around with it while my parents are around ( what if they ask something like 'why are you wearing a headscarf today?'. All those worries are driving me crazy! I can't focus on my studies at all.

I will wear it again after this half term because I feel really guilty for betraying my parents' trust. I will pretend that I have never done it and everything will be ok. I might take it off in the future again- once I get the courage to actually tell my parents first.

So, my advice is wear it and only take it off once you tell your parents. I'm not saying telling them is easy, I know very well how hard it is and how much courage you would need to say it to them.

You only did it for a day so it's easy to go back. I have been doing this for 4 months and now everyone around me is used to seeing me without the hijab. I will soon have to wear it again and pretend that I don't care what others think of me.


To me this is what made the most sense. It's what I was afraid would happen, that I'd be too scared to be in photos or being scared of being recognised and questioned and not being able to focus on anything because of the guilt and paranoia.

So I think I'll wait until I gather enough courage to tell my parents. It will probably never happen, but I'd rather not live like you did the past 4 months for the next few years.
Thanks for the advice.
Reply 136
Original post by dropoutbear
There are plenty of muslims who dont wear the hijab. OP has made it clear TWICE that she does not want to wear the hijab so you need to respect her decision and work with that instead of inciting that what she has done. Idc what Islam says, there are muslims who dont wear the hijab so why are you forcing it?


As I said before I said what is in Islam as she is a Muslim, I can't lie to her and say Islam says something else now can I? However, I only told her what it is and then of course it is her will to choose.....do you even know what force means? That is not force if you convey a message/advice and leave it to them to decide. That is all.
Original post by RobML
How about Islam tought men not to be predatory perverts instead of forcing women to repress themselves?


Looool tsr's biggest perv and thirsty boy Robml is against other fellow perverts. Are you self hating then?

Islam does teach men to not be pervs. For example it tells them to lower their gaze towards unrelated women.
Original post by Josb
This is one translation, most other translations disagree and say it was just a veil.

Spoiler


Don't you think that if God had wanted you to cover your head, he would have made it clear in the Qu'ran?

Instead of that, you're saying that women must cover their head because the Qu'ran mentions a piece of cloth that might have also been used to conceal their hair. Nowhere in the Qu'ran it is written that women should cover their head, only their breasts.


You really have no clue. By defintion the veil is something which covers the head or face. You literally just quoted tonnes of translations which prove you wrong and her right.
Original post by MiszShortee786
Khumur خُمُرٌ is plural of khimarخِمَارٌ , the veil covering the head. defines al-khimar as “something with which a woman conceals her head .” This defines al-khimar as “scarf, and it is known as such because the head is covered with it.”So the word khimar, by definition, means a piece of cloth that covers the head.


Well done. You wrecked one of the biggest muslim haters on tsr :smile:

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