Does this count as rape?

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im female

Then you were raped, I'm afraid to say. The fact it didn't happen at gunpoint doesn't nullify this basic violation of your autonomy, and a man who prioritises the fleeting, feral whims of his libido over arguably the most elementary standards of human decency has no business engaging in intimate physical contact with anyone.

Rest assured, 'carrying on' when explicitly requested otherwise by your partner is not the norm, or de rigueur this side of a sub-Saharan Islamist tribal enclave.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 41

Anonymous #1

Original post by Mistletoe

it's worth giving him a fright, of some kind, so he doesn't do it again. i'll let your creative faculties decide what that might entail.

Original post by LapizLazuliStar

While I absolutely respect your decision, a total lack of punishment for this guy might lead him to think that what he did was alright, and to go on and do it again to another girl.

thats true, but what can i do. i was a virgin and i wanted to stay one. if i report it it will bring shame upon myself and i cant put my family through that.

Original post by Nirvana1989-1994

not everyone is clear on the subject. there are some grey lines, like bc i got pleasured a bit towards the end did it still mean rape?

Reply 42

LapizLazuliStar

Original post by Anonymous

thats true, but what can i do. i was a virgin and i wanted to stay one. if i report it it will bring shame upon myself and i cant put my family through that.

not everyone is clear on the subject. there are some grey lines, like bc i got pleasured a bit towards the end did it still mean rape?

If you didn't 100% enjoy yourself, then you're still a virgin. Virginity is a social construct, you shouldn't let it dictate your life. As for the shame, I totally understand. While it's bound to be difficult to tell your family, if you ever chose to do so then I'm sure they'd support you. As for what to do, it might be an idea to talk to the guy about how you feel. If he understands that what he did was wrong then it could be good for the both of you.

Reply 43

Joep95

Original post by elllietate

If one of the people involved says no or does not consent at any point (in advance, just before, during etc) and the other person ignores that lack of consent and forces a sexual action (oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex, foreplay) upon them anyway it is rape.

Unless it is the man who does not consent and a woman ignores this as legally they cannot commit rape.

And it is rape.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 44

Anonymous #1

Original post by LapizLazuliStar

well i bled so it means i lost it. i could never tell my family, they forbid sexual relationships. i dont want to talk to him. ive not messaged him or spoken to him since that day.

Reply 45

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

not everyone is clear on the subject. there are some grey lines, like bc i got pleasured a bit towards the end did it still mean rape?

I'm so sorry that this happened to you, but please, please don't think like this. If you said no, and the guy carried on, then it is rape. There's a difference between it being pleasurable (a biological reaction that you can't help) and consenting to it. This was rape. Please, even if you don't want to report it to the police, please make the distinction to yourself - you didn't want it, so it was rape. It wasn't your fault.

Reply 46

Nirvana1989-1994

Original post by Anonymous

Yes, as you didn't consent in the first place!

Reply 47

Drunk Punx

Original post by Anonymous

not everyone is clear on the subject. there are some grey lines, like bc i got pleasured a bit towards the end did it still mean rape?

It's pretty ****ing clear. You said no, he forced it anyway, that's rape. Whether you enjoyed it afterwards is irrelevant, you still said no and he still carried on.

And yes, to echo what someone else said, choosing not to report it could lead him to think that his actions are fine, when in actual fact he's a rapist. But that's your choice.

Reply 48

LapizLazuliStar

Original post by Anonymous

well i bled so it means i lost it. i could never tell my family, they forbid sexual relationships. i dont want to talk to him. ive not messaged him or spoken to him since that day.

I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. I'm not really sure what advice I could give you, I have a friend that's gone through something similar and felt like she couldn't tell anyone. I'm not sure if reporting it anonymously is an option, but it might be an idea to talk to a close friend that you trust, I know it helped my friend.

Reply 49

Mistletoe

Original post by Anonymous

thats true, but what can i do. i was a virgin and i wanted to stay one. if i report it it will bring shame upon myself and i cant put my family through that.

You could pay someone to give him a black-eye.

Reply 50

Anonymous #1

Original post by Mistletoe

You could pay someone to give him a black-eye.

oh yeah definitely gonna do something like that to him. but he knows a lot of people so he could do the same on the person im getting to jump him.

Reply 51

pairofjeans

Original post by UWS

You just gave the definition of rape.

Original post by Orbital Rising

That's 100% rape.

Original post by SM6

You just defined rape.

Original post by AlexS101

Yes thats rape, a lack of opposition is not consent, and it doesn't matter how either party felt after the sex.

What if the order is flipped. She fully consents at the time. Maybe she even initiated it. But then she regrets it massively later and feels like she was raped and taken advantage of.

Reply 52

AlexS101

Original post by pairofjeans

What if the order is flipped. She fully consents at the time. Maybe she even initiated it. But then she regrets it massively later and feels like she was raped and taken advantage of.

No rape!!!!!!!
That would be a beyond ridiculous proposition as it would lead to deranged and possibly abusive girl friends threatening to cry rape whenever their boyfriend tried to break up with them.

Reply 53

Orbital Rising

Original post by pairofjeans

What if the order is flipped. She fully consents at the time. Maybe she even initiated it. But then she regrets it massively later and feels like she was raped and taken advantage of.

As long as she consented during the experience it is not rape. If she regrets it afterwards it just means she feels she made a mistake and that's part of life: it does not mandate legal action.

Reply 54

Anonymous #1

Original post by pairofjeans

What if the order is flipped. She fully consents at the time. Maybe she even initiated it. But then she regrets it massively later and feels like she was raped and taken advantage of.

i didnt consent though i just gave in and i definitely didnt initiate it

Reply 55

Anonymous #1

Original post by Orbital Rising

As long as she consented during the experience it is not rape. If she regrets it afterwards it just means she feels she made a mistake and that's part of life: it does not mandate legal action.

see my above response

Reply 56

pairofjeans

Original post by Orbital Rising

As long as she consented during the experience it is not rape. If she regrets it afterwards it just means she feels she made a mistake and that's part of life: it does not mandate legal action.

Original post by AlexS101

I see. I still feel like there's a grey area though. I've lost how many times what i've described has been taken to court. Girl agrees at the time. Feels like it's rape years later. And whether or not the guy is proven guilty, his life is ruined because his name has been associated with a rape case.

yeah its still rape

Original post by Mistletoe

as far as I understand he was "on top of her" before she said no, which means she allowed him to get on top of her without freaking out and asking him what the hell is going on. it is not usual behaviour for human being to be on top of each other.

People can say no/change their mind about sex at any time during the encounter and the other person must stop or else it is rape.

Reply 59

username2471155

Original post by pairofjeans

What if the order is flipped. She fully consents at the time. Maybe she even initiated it. But then she regrets it massively later and feels like she was raped and taken advantage of.