Well I haven't managed to see my GP yet but I'm not doing too well.
Reading through this thread has made me realise that I may have underestimated the extent of my problems.
I know I have a kind of OCD but I never thought too much of it before... Like throwing all of the clothes out of my wardrobe and putting them back in colour order.. Washing my hands like 6 or 7 times when I'm in the bathroom..
I can relate to what someone posted earlier about the pigeons too, when I'm walking through a busy town and there are pigeons around, I get nervous that if one flies I'm going to flinch and draw attention to myself..
I don't understand my anxiety at all.. The lines between feeling good and bad are so blurry, for example, the 5 lads in my college group are great, really funny etc.. We'll walk down to the cafe at break time, chatting and joking, then when I go to sit down alone while I wait for the them to get a coffee or some food, it kicks in. Then they come back over and it's fine. But then, all but 1 of them might leave, and it comes back. Awkward silence and I get scared to speak.
I think my anxiety has ups and downs, in the way that it's always there, but when it was really bad, eg. A year ago before I started college or recently as I'm coming to the end of the course, it's a lot worse.
Because it's mainly social anxiety, when I get home in the evening I'm fine, I see my family, have a cuppa and relax. But when it's bad, it follows me around, like now, I'm up at 1am, on my phone in bed, teared up, typing this. And it's when it gets bad like this that I get depressed, as I stop having the contrast between anxious and relaxed.
And then I end up doing stupid stuff.. I cut my arms up a few nights ago
I need to do something, I'm moving from birmingham to Newcastle in 3 months and there is no chance I'll last there if I'm still like this.
I know medication is only a short term answer but proper long term treatment takes a long time, and I dont think I could even start any kind of therapy in my current state....