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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

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Original post by TotoMimo
I have found myself in the same situation today.

I have been placating myself with alcohol for an entire week in an incredibly unhealthy "Well, if I'm not fully conscious I can't worry about it all" mentality. Today I woke up and felt sore, shivery and generally unwell. I told myself "Tom, screw it, you need to eat more and not drink anything today."

I told myself I'd get a takeaway for the first time in months and months. A treat for breaking a bad routine. I spent about two hours going over and over in my head what I'd have. Chippy... I could have a bit of fish. Oh, man, I love chippy fish. Or a chow mein. Oh, but which has less calories? Oh, which is higher in sat fats? Crap. Maybe I should get something where I know the values because they have an online nutritional guide.

I'll get a Brazer from KFC, that's only like 430 kcals. And I'll enjoy that! Actually, KFC is hard to get to, maybe I should go for the more accessible McDonalds. But it's not very satisfying. Subway's next to that, so I could just get a Turkey sub! And that's dead healthy! Actually, you know what? What's the point. A turkey sub for a treat?


And bam. Two hours had passed and by this point I'd just had soup instead. Infuriating.


Isn't alcohol a funny one? I drink a lot at the moment, mostly socially I must add! But it's ridiculous how I can't eat a bowl of cereals because of the calories but I can just decide not to count alcohol as calories when in reality I probably get the majority of my calories from alcohol. I always try to pick the drinks that have the least calories in them but I can drink and drink and not be worried about it...funny how with that one thing my brain can just accept it and turn of the mental responses I would have if it were food.
Original post by diamonddust
Just ordered it. :redface:

I probably won't be able to read it until the Christmas holidays though, too much academic reading to do. :frown: :tongue:


Yay :five:

Ah well, better at christmas than never :dontknow: :tongue:
Dear body,

Feel that food you just got? It really is yours to keep this time, to draw nourishment from, to make healthy cells grow and to make you feel balanced and well.
You don't have to give it back this time, I promise.

Regards, Anonymous
To keep at my current weight I have found that I need to eat about 1000 calories a day. Below that I loose and above that I gain. So obviously this is not a natural weight for me and it will do my body good to gain some weight.

Anon 50 :hugs:
This might trigger so

Spoiler


The guy I'm seeing made me eggs on Saturday morning. I blamed my hangover on the fact I couldn't eat them. Why can't I just be a normal person who doesn't freak out about butter when someone does something nice for them?
Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete
This might trigger so

Spoiler


The guy I'm seeing made me eggs on Saturday morning. I blamed my hangover on the fact I couldn't eat them. Why can't I just be a normal person who doesn't freak out about butter when someone does something nice for them?


Spoiler


:hugs:
Random update.
I received a letter around 2 weeks ago from a consultant psychiatrist which asked me to make an appointment to see her at my local hospital as she'd received numerous requests from my doctor for referral. I got the appointment and went last Tuesday to see her. I was so nervous and upset before I went in because I didn't know what to expect, but she was lovely and we just chatted for a while. She asked about my childhood and background and then went on to ask all about my relationship with food, my binging and purging behaviour, triggers, feelings ect. She then explained my eating disorder (bulimia nervosa) in detail and during all this I was crying like a baby but I couldn't help it, it just felt too real after being in denial for so long. She then explained that she's going to refer me the psychological team for cognitive behavioural therapy, but it's unlikely that I'll actually have it until February/March. She then said that a bmi would perhaps allow me access to help from other health professionals in the timje being, but I refused to be weighed as I hadn't purged all day so I felt so disgusting and bloated, I just couldn't do it.

As well as bulimia I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, so she was recommended that I take Prozac (is anyone here on it? does it work?). She a told me that I need to take take frequent blood tests, frequent cvg tests, and book an appointment with my dentist for advice on my teeth.

Since seeing her I've been a bit of a wreck.. just continually crying, even more snappy at everyone, lost all patience, and I broke down in work on Friday. Right now I'd rather die than live like this.
Original post by diamonddust

Spoiler


:hugs:


Spoiler


:h:ugs back:
Anonymous
I've posted before, but not regularly, I don't know why I am now but I just needed to get these thoughts out:

Spoiler



I'm not sure what advice can be offered... I just wanted to get that out in a safe place.


All I can say is stop, right now. See a counsellor at uni, see your GP, talk to your flatmates. I know it's cliche to say, but if you can nip this in the bud do it. It wasn't a phase, you aren't less than a 'proper' sufferer. You went through what we've all been through.
Don't listen to it, blare music, dance until you're numb, talk and talk and talk, just do not listen to that voice.
Hugs.
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by sophiemay20

As well as bulimia I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, so she was recommended that I take Prozac (is anyone here on it? does it work?).





I have taken it in the past. It definitely made me feel better and reduced the urge to binge. Had no negative effects on me.
At times, I wish I would have a heart attack in my sleep and escape from all of this.
Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete
All I can say is stop, right now. See a counsellor at uni, see your GP, talk to your flatmates. I know it's cliche to say, but if you can nip this in the bud do it. It wasn't a phase, you aren't less than a 'proper' sufferer. You went through what we've all been through.
Don't listen to it, blare music, dance until you're numb, talk and talk and talk, just do not listen to that voice.
Hugs.


All I can really say is thankyou - and I am trying.

Spoiler


I'm not registered with a GP here and I dont know what counselling services they have to offer. I didnt think it was bad enough to warrant help when it was "bad" so now I think I'll just be wasting everyones time :/


Forgot to push anon on the original post so I'm going to post it again...
I've posted before, but not regularly, I don't know why I am now but I just needed to get these thoughts out:

Spoiler



I'm not sure what advice can be offered... I just wanted to get that out in a safe place.
Reply 2092
Hey guys

Haven't posted on this thread in hella long (sometimes I feel like I'm not 'into' an ED enough to have anything valid to say, which is ridiculous, also I'm crap at giving advice and tend to waffle on and on which no one enjoys). You all seem to be trucking on in positive but painful directions though. Hurrah.

Anyways, I guess I'm posting because I need some virtual love (not in a smutty way mind you, heads in the gutter! All of you!). My dear pa was diagnosed with cancer yesterday and has a tumour at the bottom of the oesophagus. I'm devastated. I don't have anyone to talk to about it (I know this is probably the wrong place to be discussing this topic but frankly don't give a foo), and just sort of flailing around not knowing what to do. I was pondering if anyone has been in this situation and has any advice on how to help my dad? At the moment I can't even go near him without snivelling and dribbling all over him. Not exactly the mature approach.



P.S. If you want to see me behaving foolishly in super low-quality, you can go have a gander at my "video" (quotations quite necessary)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8u9Fe9qvJg
Original post by cloppy
Anyways, I guess I'm posting because I need some virtual love (not in a smutty way mind you, heads in the gutter! All of you!). My dear pa was diagnosed with cancer yesterday and has a tumour at the bottom of the oesophagus. I'm devastated. I don't have anyone to talk to about it (I know this is probably the wrong place to be discussing this topic but frankly don't give a foo), and just sort of flailing around not knowing what to do. I was pondering if anyone has been in this situation and has any advice on how to help my dad? At the moment I can't even go near him without snivelling and dribbling all over him. Not exactly the mature approach.


Thinking of you. xx

My mum was diagnosed with cancer in March 2010, and I still remember finding out so vividly, it's such a huge shock isn't it?

At the moment everything's probably seeming really huge and all over the place I'm guessing, nobody really knows what to do with themselves, how to cope, what to say, anything. Things do 'settle down' though, I promise.

There's a lot of very, very effective cancer treatments and treatment can have such positive results these days. Do you know what's going to happen with treatment etc yet?

Don't be afraid to ask your dad questions, even to ask him what he'd like you to do to help. Lots of the time people worry about actually talking about it for fear of upsetting anyone else, but you're all thinking the same things anyway and talking gets it out in the open.

Do normal things together too - spend time together, watch TV together, go out for a walk or out for lunch, have a day out, do whatever you usually do together, don't feel guilty about having fun as well as being sad.

And don't worry about crying too! It's a huge, huge, huge shock, crying is normal. If you don't feel like you can talk to anyone there's always places like Macmillan, I don't know if anyone from Macmillan's spoken to your family yet (I think they met my mum just before she started treatment, but I may be wrong) but they can be so good with advice and support. There are other places too but it depends on the situation.

And if you do ever want a chat or anything, you can always PM me. I know I don't know you at all, but I do know what you're going through. x
Reply 2094
Original post by Liv1204
x


Thank you so much for your reply. It honestly means so much that there are lovely people out there who care, and what you said has really helped :smile:

At the moment we're in a bit of a limbo state, waiting for an appointment for a CT scan to see if the cancer has spread and for biopsy tests to come back to gage what course of treatment is best and if the tumour is operable. I'm so terrified! I can't live without my dad. The thought of him being in any discomfort or pain rips my heart out.

It IS such a shock, it was the last thing anyone expected. No one in our family has ever dealt with anything like this. I feel awful because before he left for the endoscope yesterday morning I was taking the michael and calling him a drama queen. How idiotic?!

I'm sorry that you went through the same with your mum. It's so awful and unfair. Is she still fighting or has she made a recovery? Either way I send you both big hugs and well wishes.

Thanks again, I'm definitely going to take your advice x


P.S. I realise I've derailed this thread somewhat, sorry!
Original post by cloppy
Thank you so much for your reply. It honestly means so much that there are lovely people out there who care, and what you said has really helped :smile:

At the moment we're in a bit of a limbo state, waiting for an appointment for a CT scan to see if the cancer has spread and for biopsy tests to come back to gage what course of treatment is best and if the tumour is operable. I'm so terrified! I can't live without my dad. The thought of him being in any discomfort or pain rips my heart out.

It IS such a shock, it was the last thing anyone expected. No one in our family has ever dealt with anything like this. I feel awful because before he left for the endoscope yesterday morning I was taking the michael and calling him a drama queen. How idiotic?!

I'm sorry that you went through the same with your mum. It's so awful and unfair. Is she still fighting or has she made a recovery? Either way I send you both big hugs and well wishes.

Thanks again, I'm definitely going to take your advice x


P.S. I realise I've derailed this thread somewhat, sorry!


I'm glad it helped. :smile:

The limbo state is one of the worst things I think, because it feels like you're just waiting around and you're wanting to start getting something down. Waiting around for test results is awful I know. I do hope the biopsy results are positive for you all. x

What I will also say is try not to worry (I know it's impossible though!) about the discomfort or pain - the doctors are brilliant at managing anything, sorting out issues from side-effects and treatments, everything, it's what they're there to do. If it helps, ask to speak to them when your dad starts whatever treatment he does have after you know more, they'll be happy to explain anything.

And don't feel awful for joking with him about it, none of you could have known what was going to happen, and it probably helped your dad to relax before having his endoscope. :smile:

My lovely mummy had a horrible, horrible type of cancer unfortunately. She died August 29th, but she fought it for 17 months and did better than anyone expected, I'm unbelievably proud of her. I didn't mention in my first post because I didn't want to sound negative, I know it's so easy to hear all the horrible stories and that's the first thing you think of when someone you love is diagnosed with cancer. But there are so many positive stories too, and the treatments are so, so good. I'm so sorry for this part sounding so negative. xx

Hope you're doing ok this evening, anything you want to talk about feel free to post here, it's good to write things down. x
Reply 2096
Original post by Liv1204
x


Oh, gosh sweetie, I’m so sorry about your mum. You must be devastated. I’m positive she’s proud of you too, how well you’re coping and for being so kind to random people on the internet :smile: I’m glad she put up a good fight for so long, it’s just terrible she couldn’t win.

Actually had quite a good evening. Me and dad went up the pub for a drink and talked about random crap, then I brought all my dvds down for him in case he should feel inclined to watch some girly things or family guy. He and my mum are currently watching the sex and the city movie, which he (slightly alarmingly) seems to be enjoying.

That’s a relief about the pain management. I suppose I’m more worried that he’ll be feeling scared, and I know if he is he won’t talk about it. He’s a ‘must be macho at all times’ type of bloke (despite the SATC watching!).

Thank you again for being so lovely to me. It’s a great comfort. I’m going to message you in future if I may, since I’ve derailed this thread enough. I don’t want to upset you though, having lost your mum this must be a sensitive subject to say the least xxx
Original post by cloppy
Hey guys


:hugs: Can't really say much more than that. We found out yesterday that one of the chemistry teachers died of the big C over the weekend, watching teachers fall to pieces during the assembly was horrid.
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
All I can really say is thankyou - and I am trying.

Spoiler


I'm not registered with a GP here and I dont know what counselling services they have to offer. I didnt think it was bad enough to warrant help when it was "bad" so now I think I'll just be wasting everyones time :/


Forgot to push anon on the original post so I'm going to post it again...
I've posted before, but not regularly, I don't know why I am now but I just needed to get these thoughts out:

Spoiler



I'm not sure what advice can be offered... I just wanted to get that out in a safe place.


Counsellors will never think that you're wasting their time, just reach out to them and they'll help you.
There should be information on your uni's website about counselling, or else go to your student centre/services and they'll refer you to the appropriate avenues.
Stay strong and if you ever want to talk I'm here (as is everyone on this thread).
Original post by cloppy
Hey guys

Haven't posted on this thread in hella long (sometimes I feel like I'm not 'into' an ED enough to have anything valid to say, which is ridiculous, also I'm crap at giving advice and tend to waffle on and on which no one enjoys). You all seem to be trucking on in positive but painful directions though. Hurrah.

Anyways, I guess I'm posting because I need some virtual love (not in a smutty way mind you, heads in the gutter! All of you!). My dear pa was diagnosed with cancer yesterday and has a tumour at the bottom of the oesophagus. I'm devastated. I don't have anyone to talk to about it (I know this is probably the wrong place to be discussing this topic but frankly don't give a foo), and just sort of flailing around not knowing what to do. I was pondering if anyone has been in this situation and has any advice on how to help my dad? At the moment I can't even go near him without snivelling and dribbling all over him. Not exactly the mature approach.



P.S. If you want to see me behaving foolishly in super low-quality, you can go have a gander at my "video" (quotations quite necessary)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8u9Fe9qvJg


I hope everything works out with your dad and I agree with the other poster, Macmillan is wonderful for families as well as the ill.
Hugs for you and your dad. My mum had cancer when I was eleven and nobody talked about it, to this day nobody talks about it. Your dad will probably feel glad to explain what's going on with him, and knowing that you care. I think that parents especially want to protect their kids when they're suffering and put on a brave front. Just give him a big hug.
E-hugs.

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