Approaching girls in public places
Ok, straight to the point. Do you (guys) approach girls in public places often, and if so what exactly do you say? Do you (girls) get approached often in public places, and if so what is your reaction to being randomly approached?
I'm a confident guy but i just struggle with the whole initiating communication process, especially in public places such as the city centre etc. I'm not looking for tips, i'm just intrigued as to what techniques are used and the success rate of those techniques. All responses appreciated
I'm a confident guy but i just struggle with the whole initiating communication process, especially in public places such as the city centre etc. I'm not looking for tips, i'm just intrigued as to what techniques are used and the success rate of those techniques. All responses appreciated
(edited 12 years ago)
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I would hate that anyway. It's better to approach girls in a common territory like when with mutual friends, at a party/pub, at work etc. That's just me personally.I see guys I like all the time, like in coffee shops or parks or even walking down the street next to my workplace and I wish there was an 'okay' way to talk to these guys!!
It's almost as though its socially unacceptable to approach a girl just walking down the street or something. It just seems creepy to me, i can't imagine a girl not being being creeped out by being approached when they least expect it. I don't really like going to clubs etc, not my scene at all, so i'm a bit limited in terms of having the opportunity to approach a girl i like. 
(edited 12 years ago)
Just doesn't happen over here, completely different in other parts of Europe and America though. Girls would probably just think you are a weirdo or something, it would have to be in the right situation; couldn't be just walking down the street stopping girls, but I guess on a bus, train or shops if you catch her eye it would go alright!
Original post by booksnob
Not so much creepy as awkward. It would all be based on looks really wouldn't it? And I wouldn't feel uncomfortable exchanging numbers with a perfect stranger. Imagine if you didn't find them at all attractive either
Exactly! I would hate to approach a girl and exchange numbers only to find out that she wasn't at all interested and as such only exchanged numbers as to not offend me. Not that i'd be offended if she said no, but you know what i mean. This whole approaching thing is so problematic on several levels
I was approched by a guy at my colleges, the convo went a liitle bit like this...
boy:'Oii Muy size'
Me:mMe??
boy:yeah you,your kinda lookin peng, stillllllllllllllllllll.......
Me
uuh?
boy:Can manz get your digits/pin number(BB)
(Bear in mind he was with his other friends, not going to lie felt like
Now, I always give props to ANY guy that musters up the courage and come and talk to me.Honestly I think it's definitely,quite a confident thing to do.However some boys think they can just talk to girls like a piece of meat.I'm not anyone's muysize okay,I want the guy to talk to me with some respect, treat me like an individual.I know, I know, its probably too much to ask, but it's nice.I will continue chatting with him, I dunno if its the same with other girls,but guys don't have to be overly flirty to get the girls attention.Always over complicate situations, just be sociable and talk to her like any of your other friends.Also take into consideration body language as that will be an indicator to whether or not she's feeling you...and go by yourself, just because you bring your lil mates around to chat up gyal doesn't make you a big man at all.
boy:'Oii Muy size'
Me:mMe??
boy:yeah you,your kinda lookin peng, stillllllllllllllllllll.......
Me
uuh?boy:Can manz get your digits/pin number(BB)
(Bear in mind he was with his other friends, not going to lie felt like
Now, I always give props to ANY guy that musters up the courage and come and talk to me.Honestly I think it's definitely,quite a confident thing to do.However some boys think they can just talk to girls like a piece of meat.I'm not anyone's muysize okay,I want the guy to talk to me with some respect, treat me like an individual.I know, I know, its probably too much to ask, but it's nice.I will continue chatting with him, I dunno if its the same with other girls,but guys don't have to be overly flirty to get the girls attention.Always over complicate situations, just be sociable and talk to her like any of your other friends.Also take into consideration body language as that will be an indicator to whether or not she's feeling you...and go by yourself, just because you bring your lil mates around to chat up gyal doesn't make you a big man at all.
Original post by bufflikebread
I was approched by a guy at my colleges, the convo went a liitle bit like this...
boy:'Oii Muy size'
Me:mMe??
boy:yeah you,your kinda lookin peng, stillllllllllllllllllll.......
Meuuh?
boy:Can manz get your digits/pin number(BB)
(Bear in mind he was with his other friends, not going to lie felt like
Now, I always give props to ANY guy that musters up the courage and come and talk to me.Honestly I think it's definitely,quite a confident thing to do.However some boys think they can just talk to girls like a piece of meat.I'm not anyone's muysize okay,I want the guy to talk to me with some respect, treat me like an individual.I know, I know, its probably too much to ask, but it's nice.I will continue chatting with him, I dunno if its the same with other girls,but guys don't have to be overly flirty to get the girls attention.Always over complicate situations, just be sociable and talk to her like any of your other friends.Also take into consideration body language as that will be an indicator to whether or not she's feeling you...and go by yourself, just because you bring your lil mates around to chat up gyal doesn't make you a big man at all.
boy:'Oii Muy size'
Me:mMe??
boy:yeah you,your kinda lookin peng, stillllllllllllllllllll.......
Me
uuh?boy:Can manz get your digits/pin number(BB)
(Bear in mind he was with his other friends, not going to lie felt like
Now, I always give props to ANY guy that musters up the courage and come and talk to me.Honestly I think it's definitely,quite a confident thing to do.However some boys think they can just talk to girls like a piece of meat.I'm not anyone's muysize okay,I want the guy to talk to me with some respect, treat me like an individual.I know, I know, its probably too much to ask, but it's nice.I will continue chatting with him, I dunno if its the same with other girls,but guys don't have to be overly flirty to get the girls attention.Always over complicate situations, just be sociable and talk to her like any of your other friends.Also take into consideration body language as that will be an indicator to whether or not she's feeling you...and go by yourself, just because you bring your lil mates around to chat up gyal doesn't make you a big man at all.
I have no idea what was said in that conversation.
Original post by bufflikebread
I was approched by a guy at my colleges, the convo went a liitle bit like this...
boy:'Oii Muy size'
Me:mMe??
boy:yeah you,your kinda lookin peng, stillllllllllllllllllll.......
Meuuh?
boy:Can manz get your digits/pin number(BB)
(Bear in mind he was with his other friends, not going to lie felt like
Now, I always give props to ANY guy that musters up the courage and come and talk to me.Honestly I think it's definitely,quite a confident thing to do.However some boys think they can just talk to girls like a piece of meat.I'm not anyone's muysize okay,I want the guy to talk to me with some respect, treat me like an individual.I know, I know, its probably too much to ask, but it's nice.I will continue chatting with him, I dunno if its the same with other girls,but guys don't have to be overly flirty to get the girls attention.Always over complicate situations, just be sociable and talk to her like any of your other friends.Also take into consideration body language as that will be an indicator to whether or not she's feeling you...and go by yourself, just because you bring your lil mates around to chat up gyal doesn't make you a big man at all.
boy:'Oii Muy size'
Me:mMe??
boy:yeah you,your kinda lookin peng, stillllllllllllllllllll.......
Me
uuh?boy:Can manz get your digits/pin number(BB)
(Bear in mind he was with his other friends, not going to lie felt like
Now, I always give props to ANY guy that musters up the courage and come and talk to me.Honestly I think it's definitely,quite a confident thing to do.However some boys think they can just talk to girls like a piece of meat.I'm not anyone's muysize okay,I want the guy to talk to me with some respect, treat me like an individual.I know, I know, its probably too much to ask, but it's nice.I will continue chatting with him, I dunno if its the same with other girls,but guys don't have to be overly flirty to get the girls attention.Always over complicate situations, just be sociable and talk to her like any of your other friends.Also take into consideration body language as that will be an indicator to whether or not she's feeling you...and go by yourself, just because you bring your lil mates around to chat up gyal doesn't make you a big man at all.
Translation for those of us who only speak english please!
Translation:
Boy: Hello there, attractive looking potential mate; I couldn't help but notice you.
Poster: Pardon my confusion, but is it to me that you are referring?
Boy: Yes, I was referring to you. I find you to be rather attractive, as demonstrated by the fact that I have publicly approached you, risking the threat of rejection and the mockery of my peers.
Poster: Is that so?
Boy: Indeed it is. In fact, I think that we should share contact information so that I can get to know you better/solicit you repeatedly for sex.
It got a good chuckle out of that
Anyway, on topic: It's always a difficult predicament. They say that you're more likely to meet a long term partner outside of the clubbing/bar/partying scene when you're not expecting it, yet when are you allowed to approach these people. Maybe in Britain we are scared of bothering or hassling someone? If I were an attractive woman (not a start to a sentence I have used before), I'd get sick of guys bothering me.
I guess you need to keep it light-hearted and not come across as looking for one thing and one thing only. Look for boyfriends/wedding rings before you go anywhere. Smile, laugh and make light of things - look for something in common and allow her to interpret it how she wants. If she's not interested, it's just polite conversation and a quick smile between strangers. If it feels like there could be the opportunity for something more, use your charm. Eye contact is always a good first step - just walking up to someone before they have even acknowledged you is not always advisable - try to give her a reason to acknowledge you therefore. But then some women like a direct, confident approach ...
Boy: Hello there, attractive looking potential mate; I couldn't help but notice you.
Poster: Pardon my confusion, but is it to me that you are referring?
Boy: Yes, I was referring to you. I find you to be rather attractive, as demonstrated by the fact that I have publicly approached you, risking the threat of rejection and the mockery of my peers.
Poster: Is that so?
Boy: Indeed it is. In fact, I think that we should share contact information so that I can get to know you better/solicit you repeatedly for sex.
It got a good chuckle out of that
Anyway, on topic: It's always a difficult predicament. They say that you're more likely to meet a long term partner outside of the clubbing/bar/partying scene when you're not expecting it, yet when are you allowed to approach these people. Maybe in Britain we are scared of bothering or hassling someone? If I were an attractive woman (not a start to a sentence I have used before), I'd get sick of guys bothering me.
I guess you need to keep it light-hearted and not come across as looking for one thing and one thing only. Look for boyfriends/wedding rings before you go anywhere. Smile, laugh and make light of things - look for something in common and allow her to interpret it how she wants. If she's not interested, it's just polite conversation and a quick smile between strangers. If it feels like there could be the opportunity for something more, use your charm. Eye contact is always a good first step - just walking up to someone before they have even acknowledged you is not always advisable - try to give her a reason to acknowledge you therefore. But then some women like a direct, confident approach ...
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Okie dokie
Exactly! I would hate to approach a girl and exchange numbers only to find out that she wasn't at all interested and as such only exchanged numbers as to not offend me. Not that i'd be offended if she said no, but you know what i mean. This whole approaching thing is so problematic on several levels
Ah well, you're a guy.
Girls have almost no concept of what approaching potential dates is really like. They often give "advice" (see above) but whether they'd even respond favourably to someone who followed it, even they don't know. They can't know, until it happens.
Even those females with good imaginations and empathy (something quite a lot of girls fundamentally lack) find it hard to imagine doing this with random men, the way they expect to be approached by same men.
This following paragraph was written by a woman who actually tried it (dating women, while living as a man):
-----
"Dating women as a man was a lesson in female power, and it made me, of all things, into a momentary misogynist, which, I suppose was the best indicator that my experiment had worked. I saw my own sex from the other side, and I disliked women irrationally for a while because of it. I disliked their superiority, their accusatory smiles, their entitlement to choose or dash me with a fingertip, an execution so lazy, so effortless, it made the defeats and even the successes unbearably humiliating."
-----
http://aleknovy.com/men-women/on-being-a-man/men-who-criticize-women-are-unemployed-fat-and-socially-retarded/
Norah Vincent. Self Made Man. American context. But very interesting.
Women recoil from doing this because it is so awkward, stressful, embarrassing and humiliating. They are in a position to put this weight on males...and then to pick at how the males do it.
Think about this.
I haven't met any woman who wants to be reincarnated as a male.
The reverse, quite frequently.
Aeons ago, there were good reasons to fear being reincarnated as female. Now, women get to enjoy their privilige without the high costs.
Women have more opportunities. They enjoy sex more than men and have an easier path to it. The Ancient Greeks knew all this. Now, the biological costs of childbirth, of lack of status, of monthly periods, well, all can be mitigated.
That's all cool. As long as females recognize and accept their situation in this orbit, as privilige. Those who don't, who fundamentally lack the understanding of what this is really like, display their immaturity.
Original post by Perdiccas
Translation:
Boy: Hello there, attractive looking potential mate; I couldn't help but notice you.
Poster: Pardon my confusion, but is it to me that you are referring?
Boy: Yes, I was referring to you. I find you to be rather attractive, as demonstrated by the fact that I have publicly approached you, risking the threat of rejection and the mockery of my peers.
Poster: Is that so?
Boy: Indeed it is. In fact, I think that we should share contact information so that I can get to know you better/solicit you repeatedly for sex.
It got a good chuckle out of that
Anyway, on topic: It's always a difficult predicament. They say that you're more likely to meet a long term partner outside of the clubbing/bar/partying scene when you're not expecting it, yet when are you allowed to approach these people. Maybe in Britain we are scared of bothering or hassling someone? If I were an attractive woman (not a start to a sentence I have used before), I'd get sick of guys bothering me.
I guess you need to keep it light-hearted and not come across as looking for one thing and one thing only. Look for boyfriends/wedding rings before you go anywhere. Smile, laugh and make light of things - look for something in common and allow her to interpret it how she wants. If she's not interested, it's just polite conversation and a quick smile between strangers. If it feels like there could be the opportunity for something more, use your charm. Eye contact is always a good first step - just walking up to someone before they have even acknowledged you is not always advisable - try to give her a reason to acknowledge you therefore. But then some women like a direct, confident approach ...
Boy: Hello there, attractive looking potential mate; I couldn't help but notice you.
Poster: Pardon my confusion, but is it to me that you are referring?
Boy: Yes, I was referring to you. I find you to be rather attractive, as demonstrated by the fact that I have publicly approached you, risking the threat of rejection and the mockery of my peers.
Poster: Is that so?
Boy: Indeed it is. In fact, I think that we should share contact information so that I can get to know you better/solicit you repeatedly for sex.
It got a good chuckle out of that
Anyway, on topic: It's always a difficult predicament. They say that you're more likely to meet a long term partner outside of the clubbing/bar/partying scene when you're not expecting it, yet when are you allowed to approach these people. Maybe in Britain we are scared of bothering or hassling someone? If I were an attractive woman (not a start to a sentence I have used before), I'd get sick of guys bothering me.
I guess you need to keep it light-hearted and not come across as looking for one thing and one thing only. Look for boyfriends/wedding rings before you go anywhere. Smile, laugh and make light of things - look for something in common and allow her to interpret it how she wants. If she's not interested, it's just polite conversation and a quick smile between strangers. If it feels like there could be the opportunity for something more, use your charm. Eye contact is always a good first step - just walking up to someone before they have even acknowledged you is not always advisable - try to give her a reason to acknowledge you therefore. But then some women like a direct, confident approach ...
But why do some girls think if you approach them randomly, your a creep?
Original post by RainPours
But why do some girls think if you approach them randomly, your a creep?
Because they can afford to. Some of them need to. Maybe, unlike you.
Girls are programmed to be selective. Sometimes, they don't cogitate on their own selection mechanisms which can give the impression - to males, and sometimes even other females - that they are being totally capricious or - in the vocab of young males - "unfair."
It is depressing for young males because then you start to wonder, well, how do they meet anyone?
Visualize the answer: for girls, life is like a forcefield trying to pry their legs apart. Your "creepiness" in randomly approaching them is part of this generally undesirable life experience. They don't want it now. Maybe not from you. Ever.
That's not to say they don't want to have their legs spread at some point. But to expect to accomplish this when they're walking by you, in the park, shows naievite.
Original post by masterfulprof
Because they can afford to. Some of them need to. Maybe, unlike you.
Girls are programmed to be selective. Sometimes, they don't cogitate on their own selection mechanisms which can give the impression - to males, and sometimes even other females - that they are being totally capricious or - in the vocab of young males - "unfair."
It is depressing for young males because then you start to wonder, well, how do they meet anyone?
Visualize the answer: for girls, life is like a forcefield trying to pry their legs apart. Your "creepiness" in randomly approaching them is part of this generally undesirable life experience. They don't want it now. Maybe not from you. Ever.
That's not to say they don't want to have their legs spread at some point. But to expect to accomplish this when they're walking by you, in the park, shows naievite.
Girls are programmed to be selective. Sometimes, they don't cogitate on their own selection mechanisms which can give the impression - to males, and sometimes even other females - that they are being totally capricious or - in the vocab of young males - "unfair."
It is depressing for young males because then you start to wonder, well, how do they meet anyone?
Visualize the answer: for girls, life is like a forcefield trying to pry their legs apart. Your "creepiness" in randomly approaching them is part of this generally undesirable life experience. They don't want it now. Maybe not from you. Ever.
That's not to say they don't want to have their legs spread at some point. But to expect to accomplish this when they're walking by you, in the park, shows naievite.
Does that mean I have to wait to become older or what?
It don't make sense?
I understand the part she doesn't like then that's fair enough?
Original post by RainPours
Does that mean I have to wait to become older or what?
It don't make sense?
I understand the part she doesn't like then that's fair enough?
It don't make sense?
I understand the part she doesn't like then that's fair enough?
a. Yes, it really helps. More than you can imagine, at the moment.
At the age of 40, I had several student mistresses who were totally the bomb. At 20, I would have had no chance with them at all. Life was crap, frustrating, miserable. Now, it is not.
When you have knowledge, and experience, and consideration, and worldliness, you can craft ads that make girls' stomachs knot with desire. This cannot be faked or simulated. If you tried to write one like mine, it would sound hollow and unconvincing.
Catch 22. To attract girls, you need to be successful with girls.
Lesson one. The driving factor behind a man's appeal to a specific girl is...how appealing he is to other girls. For males misery and datelessness breed...more misery and datelessness.
Girls have no concept of this negative dynamic. If they're going through a dry spell, they don't need to increase their effort. They simply LOWER THEIR THRESHOLDS and, voila, get what they want from a nearby male. Remember the forcefield.
b. It DOES make sense. Just, not from your viewpoint at the moment.
Look, I have a lovely 18 year old mistress who really enjoys all our fun. Hanging out, sex, more sex, eating out, seeing the cultural sites, coming with me to other EU cities to be my courtesan when I'm on biz. She does the tour during the day, I attend the seminars, then she meets me in heels, suspenders, in my hotel room for some relaxation.
This did not occur by "accident." I didn't wait for things to "develop" or "happen." I didn't *quite* approach her in a public place.
c. The part she doesn't like, is being approached in a public place with the objective of dating. By anyone.
Under different circumstances, things could be different. She could meet you in the pub, student bar, whatever, and you'd be chatting...no problem. She'd be open. She is NOT AVAILABLE during public space walking time.
Even for Joe Jonas. Or Olly.
Yeah, it happens to me a lot. I don't really like it, but that's prolly more to do with the kind of guys who approach me rather than because it's in a public place 
Original post by masterfulprof
a. Yes, it really helps. More than you can imagine, at the moment.
At the age of 40, I had several student mistresses who were totally the bomb. At 20, I would have had no chance with them at all. Life was crap, frustrating, miserable. Now, it is not.
When you have knowledge, and experience, and consideration, and worldliness, you can craft ads that make girls' stomachs knot with desire. This cannot be faked or simulated. If you tried to write one like mine, it would sound hollow and unconvincing.
Catch 22. To attract girls, you need to be successful with girls.
Lesson one. The driving factor behind a man's appeal to a specific girl is...how appealing he is to other girls. For males misery and datelessness breed...more misery and datelessness.
Girls have no concept of this negative dynamic. If they're going through a dry spell, they don't need to increase their effort. They simply LOWER THEIR THRESHOLDS and, voila, get what they want from a nearby male. Remember the forcefield.
b. It DOES make sense. Just, not from your viewpoint at the moment.
Look, I have a lovely 18 year old mistress who really enjoys all our fun. Hanging out, sex, more sex, eating out, seeing the cultural sites, coming with me to other EU cities to be my courtesan when I'm on biz. She does the tour during the day, I attend the seminars, then she meets me in heels, suspenders, in my hotel room for some relaxation.
This did not occur by "accident." I didn't wait for things to "develop" or "happen." I didn't *quite* approach her in a public place.
c. The part she doesn't like, is being approached in a public place with the objective of dating. By anyone.
Under different circumstances, things could be different. She could meet you in the pub, student bar, whatever, and you'd be chatting...no problem. She'd be open. She is NOT AVAILABLE during public space walking time.
Even for Joe Jonas. Or Olly.
At the age of 40, I had several student mistresses who were totally the bomb. At 20, I would have had no chance with them at all. Life was crap, frustrating, miserable. Now, it is not.
When you have knowledge, and experience, and consideration, and worldliness, you can craft ads that make girls' stomachs knot with desire. This cannot be faked or simulated. If you tried to write one like mine, it would sound hollow and unconvincing.
Catch 22. To attract girls, you need to be successful with girls.
Lesson one. The driving factor behind a man's appeal to a specific girl is...how appealing he is to other girls. For males misery and datelessness breed...more misery and datelessness.
Girls have no concept of this negative dynamic. If they're going through a dry spell, they don't need to increase their effort. They simply LOWER THEIR THRESHOLDS and, voila, get what they want from a nearby male. Remember the forcefield.
b. It DOES make sense. Just, not from your viewpoint at the moment.
Look, I have a lovely 18 year old mistress who really enjoys all our fun. Hanging out, sex, more sex, eating out, seeing the cultural sites, coming with me to other EU cities to be my courtesan when I'm on biz. She does the tour during the day, I attend the seminars, then she meets me in heels, suspenders, in my hotel room for some relaxation.
This did not occur by "accident." I didn't wait for things to "develop" or "happen." I didn't *quite* approach her in a public place.
c. The part she doesn't like, is being approached in a public place with the objective of dating. By anyone.
Under different circumstances, things could be different. She could meet you in the pub, student bar, whatever, and you'd be chatting...no problem. She'd be open. She is NOT AVAILABLE during public space walking time.
Even for Joe Jonas. Or Olly.
part c is funny.... the 18 year old mistress of a 40 year old man does not like being approached in public, but enjoys shagging a bloke who could be the same age as her dad.
I think your market for young girls is very specific. I also wonder why, at 40, you don't have a wife and kids AND if you have kids they must surely be between 10 and 20. I also think your an everlasting gobstopper who will have an 18 year old girl sucking you off on your death bed at 80.
Whilst I genuinely admire your lifestyle choice, you have to agree that;
1. Your advice is not strictly applicable to the younger generation who are not just like you. Not everyone is looking for a mistress.
2. Your better versed than most men out there (which is the key to success for ANY man, a dash of confidence) and probably have less depth in these relationships than what people on this forum are looking for.
3. What your 18 year old mistress thinks about dating/young guys approaching her IS NOT respresentative of the whole population AND because your market is probably pretty well confined (i'm thinking fatherhood issues) then I can't see your level of scope being too diverse anyway. After all, what girl with the qualities most half desperate blokes on this forum wants to shag their dad?
I'm sorry, your probably a decent bloke, I just don't think that your advice is completely applicable for reasons above. I do genuinely think that you know how to play these girls to an extent and I wouldn't be surprised if they did have father issues and simply wanted an older man there to protect them. BUT I concede that there is nothing inherently wrong with playing girls, just not my cup of tea. And I think your approach is based on something you can offer which is not available for younger blokes
(edited 12 years ago)
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