Hi
I've been at university for two years but I feel close to no one. My housemates just have me around because I fill up the extra bedroom and I thought I was making progress with them this year - we've gone out together a lot of times and we have conversations and I try hard to listen and talk and be fun and not be antisocial and just the person who rents the spare room. But even after a year they still see me that way I think - as the outside of their group - and they all made plans without me for the summer, and made no effort to hide it from me. I thought I'd made progress with them this year but obviously they just don't like me. Which is fine because you can't force a friendship, but I have no one else to turn to.
I feel like I'm boring everyone I talk to, like I'm just a burden and they'd much rather be talking to someone else than me. I feel like I'm a nerd who says stuff no one else cares about and who isn't able to be fun like everyone else. I am a fun person. I'm relaxed and I like to laugh and joke, but I like getting to know people first because I'm quite shy and reserved. But even though I am shy, I try hard (though I really don't come across strong) to be confident and talk to people, and try to show my 'fun' side. But it's been two years and it hasn't worked. I barely have any friends on my course. I admit, in first year, I barely made any effort. I didn't like my hallmates and I tried hanging out with them but they just weren't my kind of people, so I didn't force it. But instead of joining societies and making friends, I just spent time with talking to my friends from back home and my boyfriend. I didn't really make any 'true' friends.
I broke up with my bf around the start of 2nd year and my home friends are all busy with their friends at their own universities. My best friend is even too busy to talk to me, so I don't even have her anymore. I joined some societies this year but I still felt like a loser, burden of a person, who's uninteresting and no matter how hard I try, I feel like no one likes me. I didn't used to be like this. I had friends in high school, but now I feel like it's impossible for someone to want to spend time with me. I'm just a convenience.
I said I'd join even more societies next year and try to make friends there, but what's the point? It doesn't matter who I talk to, no one will want to be friends with me. I feel so lonely and so upset that this is my life. When I imagined myself at university, it was a million miles away from this. Everyone else on facebook has plans all the time, a close group of friends to hang out with and watch films with, just to relax with and be myself. I've never had that at university. I feel so sad that what's supposed to be the best years of my life are being wasted and that I'm so alone. I'm not important to anyone and it makes me feel like the most worthless person in the world. Whether I try or not, I can't make friends.