Discuss matters related to personal health and relationships in this forum. However, please keep it sensible and remember that people of all ages can view these forums. Remember, all advice is unprofessional.
I've suffered from (undiagnosed) depression for the last 7/8 years. I did talk to my GP about it about 4 years ago, and also admitted to her that I had been self harming, but she basically dismissed me as being a hormonal teenager, said it's normal to feel down (even though I felt more than just down) when you are a teenager, told me to "see how things go" and sent me on my way. Nothing improved and although I wanted to go back, I felt pretty patronised the first time and that I didn't want to bother her again because she would probably think I was wasting her time.
I tried to tell my parents how I was feeling a few times but they also gave the whole being a teenager reply, and also they said it was probably just a phase and that I was attention seeking for self harming. A couple of times I wrote them long letters trying to explain how I felt, after reading one they came and talked to me but kept saying I needed to change my attitude and cheer up and that it would all get better, but that I could talk to them if I had anything on my mind. This made me feel pretty stupid and not taken seriously, so I felt too worthless to talk to them again. I wrote them another letter, this time I got letter back, but it was typed, and instead of being from the heart the response was really cold and formal and looked as if they had just copied a load of information about depression of the internet. The next day I saw my letter crumpled up it the bin, and the whole thing made my feel so stupid and worthless because I had reached out to them and they didn't seem to care.
Since then I haven't talked to my parents about my depression, and I have been afraid to get close to other people and tell them how I am feeling, partly because I don't want to be a burden to them, but also because I am afraid of being rejected and not taken seriously.
I've managed to hide my depression really well for the last 3 years (I don't self harm anymore so I haven't had that to hide either), I've kind of been in denial of having it, just convincing myself that I'm ok, so I seem really positive to other peole and even to myself sometimes. But underneath that, I just keep feeling worse and worse.
After reading the "What's going to the GP with depression like?" thread written by someone else, I've decided I really have to go back to my GP and make my feelings clearer this time instead of being fobbed off. I'm not looking forward to this because I feel uncomfortable talking about my feelings, but I know I need help.
The problem with going to my GP is my parents will find out about it. I know everything I tell my GP is confidential, it's just that my GP surgery is quite difficult to get to. I live in a small village with bad transport, so it would take two buses and a train to get there, so whenever I've been to my GP in the past my parents have had to give me a lift, and they will insist on knowing why I need an appointment, and if I don't tell them it will just stress them out. Also if I got counselling or started taking anti depressants it would be difficult to hide it from them. So I know I've got to tell them, also I want to tell them again so I can have there support, but I don't know how to get their support or explain it to them without them rejecting me again, especially as I've learn how to hide my feelings from them and seem quite happy.
So...has anyone got any advice on how I should handle this? Or any similar stories to share?
Just I spent 3 years trying to tell my mother how I've been feeling, and I have been diagnosed with depression and was put on anti depressants etc. And still it's a taboo in the family. My father called me a 'freak' and a 'failure' because of this.
I've done the letter thing too, a couple of years ago, and it too went unnoticed. My mother threw the letter in the bin, and life just continued.
I'm okay at the moment, though I go through ups and downs.
If you really need to, then go to your GP and talk about.
Having gone through depression from 10~17 (though now totally better) I found the same problem. I found it insanely hard to tell my parents, while my parents told me to 'pull myself together' they did understand.
They told me to pull myself together for my own wellbeing, tough love and support did help me through it it the end. I think that your parents may be trying to do the same thing.
The best method from experinence is to be straight and to the point, they may not believe you or dismiss it etc but at the end of the day if they really can see you are struggling any parent is going to be concerned! Make an appointment with the GP talk to you parents and after ask or suggest that they come along to the GP it may be usefull for them aswell, as they may not fully understand the problems you are going through.
The only thing I can think to suggest is to ask your parents for a lift to the GP, and tell them it's for something innocent like a vaccination before uni, a sprained wrist, possible anemia or something like that, if you really don't want to tell them the real reason. Good for you for being proactive and trying to do something to help yourself, I know it must be doubly hard with your parents not really understanding but do keep at it.
The best method from experinence is to be straight and to the point, they may not believe you or dismiss it etc but at the end of the day if they really can see you are struggling any parent is going to be concerned! Make an appointment with the GP talk to you parents and after ask or suggest that they come along to the GP it may be usefull for them aswell, as they may not fully understand the problems you are going through.
i hope things get better for you
The thing is I don't think they can really see I'm struggling, because I've learnt to hide it so well. I basically just lead a normal life and get on with things and on the surface I'm quite positive and stuff, so to them I seem fine.
Thankyou for your advice though (and thanks to everyone else too!), I think I'm going to just ask for a lift and if/when they ask why, I'll tell them I want to talk to my GP first, and after I've spoken to her alone I'll ask them to come through, and talk to them with the help of my GP (hopefully my GP will actually take me seriously this time).
The only thing I can think to suggest is to ask your parents for a lift to the GP, and tell them it's for something innocent like a vaccination before uni, a sprained wrist, possible anemia or something like that, if you really don't want to tell them the real reason. Good for you for being proactive and trying to do something to help yourself, I know it must be doubly hard with your parents not really understanding but do keep at it.
I wrote the "What's going to the GP with depression like?" thread...
Anyway I haven't told my parents, but I'm almost certain they wouldn't believe I'm depressed (or depression exists) anyway. I also live not that close to my GP and am going to lie about why I'm going, well kind of. I pick at my scalp loads and it's sort of out of control and I noticed a small bald patch.. so I'm going to tell my mum I need to see the Dr about that. I will tell the Dr about that, but my main reason for going is going to be depression. I think the 2 might be related anyway. Do you have anything vague you could tell your mum? You could just say you need a meningitis jab or something? But make the appointment yourself or they'll give you a nurse to do that and she won't be any use if you want to talk about depression.
If your parents didn't believe in your depression before, I don't think they're suddenly going to believe now and maybe you should try to go it alone
I was in a similar position to you a fews years back. I had been suffering with undiagnosed depression for a while but never talked to anybody about it. At the same time, I didn't want to see my GP because he was a family GP that we had been going to see for a number years. Eventually I plucked up the courage to tell my parents about it, but as like other people in this thread depression is considered a big taboo in my family. My mum, especially, just couldn't understand how I was feeling. A poignant moment that will always stand out was her reaction - anger and annoyance, telling me that there was a 'rope in the shed, go hang yourself then'.
I haven't felt confident to talk about it again with them, but there have been occassions where they make it into a humerous joke on my part if they suspect I'm being dramatic about something. I am lucky though, that there are close friends around me who I can discuss my problems with when I'm at my lowest. Do you have someone who you feel will listen and be there? Although, I do believe going to see a GP or cousellor can help you work through your depression in a more productive way. This is just my own thinking, but cousellors have a better understanding of what you're going through and what questions to ask. Bless them, my friends were always there to listen, but they never knew what questions to ask or how to approach the situation. So maybe consider seeing a GP and councellor? If you explain the nature of why you need to see a GP , they will be more accomodating and understand the need for confidentiality.
Discuss matters related to personal health and relationships in this forum. However, please keep it sensible and remember that people of all ages can view these forums. Remember, all advice is unprofessional.
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Telling my parents about my depression...
