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Could you be with someone whos values were the opposite of yours?

Milky Milk

(edited 11 years ago)

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Reply 1

LipstickKisses

Original post by Milky Milk

BACK STORY TIME: I was watching a programme and two people had a lot in common and a lot of chemistry however the guy owned an oil company who wanted to drill in the womans land (No innuendo intended) She found this out AFTER they'd spoke with each other etc. And I thought, they seem right together, can't she just forget about it?

But, I'm assuming it's not that easy.

For example I am a vegetarian, I would happily date someone who ate meat as it's their choice. But if someone was literally my dream guy, and they were an abbatoir or owned a battery farm I don't know what I'd do.

How about yourself? Say if you matched in quite a lot of ways, you both clicked, there was chemistry and love. But there was one thing you clashed with strongly which assume you find out about afterwards. What would you do?

I'd be okay with it*, I love a good debate so it would be interesting to say the least. :biggrin:

*providing he wasn't an axe murderer

Reply 2

Yawn11

Yeah so long as they keep quiet about it.

Reply 3

DiZZeeKiD

Totally depends on what it was. My strongest values are to do with my family, but if someone had no family bond or didn't get on with their family then there would have to be a reason for it so I couldn't necessarily see that as a reason not to be with them. I don't think I could be with a Jesus-freak. I mean, cool, as long as they didn't try to preach to you and that but I just find the whole concept....ridiculous.

Reply 4

danny111

Difficult. I could be with someone who was religious, but once it gets to having kids we'd have problems I guess. But in general it should work, no?

Reply 5

j.alexanderh

Original post by Milky Milk

Funny.

Reply 6

bacforever3

Original post by Milky Milk

For example I am a vegetarian, I would happily date someone who ate meat as it's their choice. But if someone was literally my dream guy, and they owned/worked in an abbatoir or owned a battery farm I don't know what I'd do.

How about yourself? Say if you matched in quite a lot of ways, you both clicked, there was chemistry and love. But there was one thing you clashed with strongly which assume you find out about afterwards. What would you do?

Depends.... Meat-eaters I can handle because my issue with meat isnt the consumption but the industry and lack of responsibility consumers take... but i need someone who will accept me for who I am and when it comes to serious things... they wouldnt be my perfect person if they acted out of pure greed (say they ran a battery farm because it was easy profits, or bulldozed the rainforest becuase they wanted a percentage of the minerals underneath)... hmmm..

Reply 7

Steevee

I'm pretty certain I couldn't be with someone who was strongly religious.

Or a socialist.

But other than that, I could deal with most other things I think.

Reply 8

Van Grall

Depends. I am religious. Someone from another Christian background would be alright, or buddhist/athiest/other tiny exceptions (please note, stuff like scientology is not a religion and does not count here), but anyone with more polarised views would be difficult to be with in the long run.
On political/economic views i don't mind as everyone has a free vote, preferably can enjoy some stupid jokes etc.

Being similar enough in things that matter is important (how to raise kids etc.). Even if they were from a completely different culture (given that we clicked) we would be great if core values were the same or very similar.

Reply 9

Bellissima

Original post by Milky Milk

BACK STORY TIME: I was watching a programme and two people had a lot in common and a lot of chemistry however the guy owned an oil company who wanted to drill in the womans land (No innuendo intended) She found this out AFTER they'd spoke with each other etc. And I thought, they seem right together, can't she just forget about it?

But, I'm assuming it's not that easy.

For example I am a vegetarian, I would happily date someone who ate meat as it's their choice. But if someone was literally my dream guy, and they owned/worked in an abbatoir or owned a battery farm I don't know what I'd do.

How about yourself? Say if you matched in quite a lot of ways, you both clicked, there was chemistry and love. But there was one thing you clashed with strongly which assume you find out about afterwards. What would you do?

well it sounds like he just got to know her so he could persuade her to give him the land

depends how extreme they were

i couldn't date a vegetarian. i have a vegetarian friend and i find that side of her very annoying especially when she judges me for eating meat. i come from a family who shoots too, as in game (and yes we do eat them)... and also has chickens eetc. that we eat (quite a rural family)... and she just gets on my back, i mean SHUT UP! it's not up to you to dictate what people do! especially when what we do is MUCH better than just buying meat from tescos.
i also would find it too stressful to cook separate meals.

i just think anyone with opinions extremely different to me wouldn't work... eg. in regards of religion, i hate both extreme atheists and fundamental christians etc.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 10

Bellissima

Original post by Milky Milk

They only found out about each others roles in the situation until after they built some sort of relationship :h:

I'm personally not one to air my views as a vegetarian unless someone attacks me on the issue. Some people (like your friend) are different however. And I've always thought about that, when I live with someone how will we cook meals? :confused:

But I can't say I'll be a vegetarian in 5 years+, who knows.

Agreed!

i know i don't think it helps that i've only met two other vegitarians in my life and both are like the one i mentioned so.... i know all aren't like that though, i just meant vegetarian with her kind of funny attitude :s-smilie:

as for the cooking, i've thought about it and it's not so much of a problem that it'd stop me dating them, as long as they don't mind me sticking my chicken in the oven along with their quorn! and i like quorn anyway, so it's fine!

It depends which values. I'm a vegetarian and I'm quite happy in a relationship with a meat-eater and I could cope if he was a socialist or if he was really religious or something like that. I couldn't put up with him being really racist or bigoted though.

Reply 13

Drogue

Original post by Milky Milk

BACK STORY TIME: I was watching a programme and two people had a lot in common and a lot of chemistry however the guy owned an oil company who wanted to drill in the womans land (No innuendo intended) She found this out AFTER they'd spoke with each other etc. And I thought, they seem right together, can't she just forget about it?

But, I'm assuming it's not that easy.

For example I am a vegetarian, I would happily date someone who ate meat as it's their choice. But if someone was literally my dream guy, and they owned/worked in an abbatoir or owned a battery farm I don't know what I'd do.

How about yourself? Say if you matched in quite a lot of ways, you both clicked, there was chemistry and love. But there was one thing you clashed with strongly which assume you find out about afterwards. What would you do?

I wouldn't have an issue being with someone who had different views to me, but if they had opposite views on something I really cared about, it might be difficult. Though as long as their views were ones they'd thought about intelligently I'd probably be ok, as the main thing that annoys me is people having views they haven't really thought about.

I think it's more key, in the long term, that you agree on things in a relationship - what kind of lifestyle you want, where you want to live, whether/when you want to have children, etc.

Reply 14

User414413

As long as they're prepared to argue about it and not go the whole agree to disagree route.

Reply 15

Sweet_Heart

Original post by Annoying-Mouse

As long as they're prepared to argue about it and not go the whole agree to disagree route.

Agreed. I don't mind people having different views to me as long as it doesn't become something that is a 'blocked' subject. I mean, I wouldn't want a radicalist to shove thoughts down my throat but by equal measure I wouldn't want to feel like I was treading on egg shells with what to talk about.

I'm not a very restrained person either so chances are if someone was particularly sensitive about an issue I'd end up (unintentionally) offending them.

I think I might struggle with someone who didn't like children or animals though, having said that.

Reply 16

Meteor64

Love should come before your differences, or it isn't love...

Reply 17

rocket07

two opposites attract like south pole and north pole

Reply 18

neuro101

Original post by Milky Milk

BACK STORY TIME: I was watching a programme and two people had a lot in common and a lot of chemistry however the guy owned an oil company who wanted to drill in the womans land (No innuendo intended) She found this out AFTER they'd spoke with each other etc. And I thought, they seem right together, can't she just forget about it?

But, I'm assuming it's not that easy.

For example I am a vegetarian, I would happily date someone who ate meat as it's their choice. But if someone was literally my dream guy, and they owned/worked in an abbatoir or owned a battery farm I don't know what I'd do.

How about yourself? Say if you matched in quite a lot of ways, you both clicked, there was chemistry and love. But there was one thing you clashed with strongly which assume you find out about afterwards. What would you do?

But a difference in a dietary lifestyle is not as much of a compromise. You know what I mean? But I understand the 2nd point you made following that statement.

Nah, I wouldn't do it, regardless of the chemistry. I have strong belief in my values, wouldn't give them up for a guy. If there was something I did find about afterwards that clashed with my values, well, it will be my fault for not knowing him better.