Do you love your parents?
My girlfriend brought something to my attention today: I don't love, nor feel any kind of affinity towards my parents. Is that... odd, unusual?
My parents have fed, clothed, educated me, and will continue to support me throughout my life until they or I die -- I know that for certain; that's who they are. Moreover, I'm very grateful for that support. But still, on no conscious level can I say, Gosh, I sure do love mum and dad. I imagine one afternoon the school secretary will walk into the classroom and inform me that my parents died in a tragic car accident that morning. I imagine myself shrugging, finishing the class until the bell goes, and going home to sort out funeral affairs, etc. -- Morbid, I know!
What, on some subconscious level do I love my parents? If, say, they were to die, would I suddenly go, Well whattaya' know? I did love my parents all along! at which point all the characters in-scene would laugh and the credits would roll to a jolly show-tune? No! Surely not! Shouldn't love be felt and consciously acknowledged? I've felt love, or at the very least strong attachment, among friends and partners. My parents are flawed (good lord how they're flawed...) but they are essentially decent human beings, so they are lovable...
I'd prefer it if I weren't cast off as an ungrateful sod because I can't love my parents when they give me everything, gave me life, etc., etc.... As I said, I am grateful for their generosity. I was just wondering if anyone else is like this. I'm marginally worried about it.
Thanks!
My parents have fed, clothed, educated me, and will continue to support me throughout my life until they or I die -- I know that for certain; that's who they are. Moreover, I'm very grateful for that support. But still, on no conscious level can I say, Gosh, I sure do love mum and dad. I imagine one afternoon the school secretary will walk into the classroom and inform me that my parents died in a tragic car accident that morning. I imagine myself shrugging, finishing the class until the bell goes, and going home to sort out funeral affairs, etc. -- Morbid, I know!
What, on some subconscious level do I love my parents? If, say, they were to die, would I suddenly go, Well whattaya' know? I did love my parents all along! at which point all the characters in-scene would laugh and the credits would roll to a jolly show-tune? No! Surely not! Shouldn't love be felt and consciously acknowledged? I've felt love, or at the very least strong attachment, among friends and partners. My parents are flawed (good lord how they're flawed...) but they are essentially decent human beings, so they are lovable...
I'd prefer it if I weren't cast off as an ungrateful sod because I can't love my parents when they give me everything, gave me life, etc., etc.... As I said, I am grateful for their generosity. I was just wondering if anyone else is like this. I'm marginally worried about it.
Thanks!
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I can safely say i have no idea what that must feel like. I would say i feel sorry for you, but you seem happy enough where you are. I'm no expert on human psychology, but perhaps there are underlying issues.
Have you experienced difficulty with emotional attatchment in any other aspects of life? A lack of empathy perhaps. My brothers are both autistic and a lack of empathy is a major manifestation of autism spectrum disorder. So mabye that could be a possible answer? However, empathy is somewhat different to the "natural" love which you claim to lack.
I suppose it's possible that you may have some psychological "problem" although what you're saying sounds unusual. I have heard of people who describe similar feelings to you.
Just make sure you don't let on to your parents. You owe them that. I hope you find some answers soon
Have you experienced difficulty with emotional attatchment in any other aspects of life? A lack of empathy perhaps. My brothers are both autistic and a lack of empathy is a major manifestation of autism spectrum disorder. So mabye that could be a possible answer? However, empathy is somewhat different to the "natural" love which you claim to lack.
I suppose it's possible that you may have some psychological "problem" although what you're saying sounds unusual. I have heard of people who describe similar feelings to you.
Just make sure you don't let on to your parents. You owe them that. I hope you find some answers soon
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by jam277
I think the only people I love are my brothers and my nephew, my brothers are always there for me, my nephew looks a lot like me too so I guess that's why I like him. Although, I don't think I'm empathetic with anyone though. Maybe two of my brothers since they've never been bad to me.
Oh. I didn't even consider relationships with the rest of my family. I sorta' figured the parent-child relationship encompassed the other familial ties, too...
Yeah, I guess to add insult to injury, the bonds to my many brothers and sisters, nephews, nieces, etc. are pretty dead as well.
I think we need an engineer here to check if I'm a robot!
From time to time I have felt that, or rather, I frequently feel that I have nothing in common with my family, and I find myself often of the opinion that a family is an odd thing really - I mean essentially we are people thrown together and expected to harbour love for each other with little or no regard towards compatability.
However, I have to say that I do love my parents. I feel that maturing has played a major part, as well as the immense gratitude and respect I hold for both of them which perhaps I wasn't able to appreciate in younger years. I find that family grounds me and makes me feel secure, at those times when I consider the perculiarities of the family unit I often feel ostracised and lonely, and on occasion, as you described, a little lost/dead to them.
Family for me is one of the most important things and whilst you might grow out of feeling as you do, if you have a genuine concern then maybe you should see someone about it, either a therapist of there are underlying issues between you and your family members, or a doctor if you think it might be the result of a psychological instability (I, for example, suffer depersonalisation, which makes it hard for me to treat people as real, animate things).
However, I have to say that I do love my parents. I feel that maturing has played a major part, as well as the immense gratitude and respect I hold for both of them which perhaps I wasn't able to appreciate in younger years. I find that family grounds me and makes me feel secure, at those times when I consider the perculiarities of the family unit I often feel ostracised and lonely, and on occasion, as you described, a little lost/dead to them.
Family for me is one of the most important things and whilst you might grow out of feeling as you do, if you have a genuine concern then maybe you should see someone about it, either a therapist of there are underlying issues between you and your family members, or a doctor if you think it might be the result of a psychological instability (I, for example, suffer depersonalisation, which makes it hard for me to treat people as real, animate things).
I love my parents yes. I don't always get along with them, and I don't think they understand me at all, but I do love them.
As a mother myself, I can tell you I would quite honestly be heartbroken if my children didn't love me. They tell me often enough that they do though, and I have the hugs and kisses to show for it But if they grew up and decided that they didn't love me...geez I really would be absolutely heartbroken.
As a mother myself, I can tell you I would quite honestly be heartbroken if my children didn't love me. They tell me often enough that they do though, and I have the hugs and kisses to show for it
But if they grew up and decided that they didn't love me...geez I really would be absolutely heartbroken.You're grateful for them having completed their role and this love is shown by your acknowledgment, gratefulness and appreciation of that. Thereby, you do love them.
However, you distinguish between your sense of self and individuality and know that just because they are your parents, you do not have to follow and do everything as they wish and be them. You are not them.
You don't expect anything from them and nor do they expect anything from you.
You do love them, but you know that you are a separate person and you are you.
However, you distinguish between your sense of self and individuality and know that just because they are your parents, you do not have to follow and do everything as they wish and be them. You are not them.
You don't expect anything from them and nor do they expect anything from you.
You do love them, but you know that you are a separate person and you are you.
I love my parents but you know you get those people who are close with their parents and talk to them about stuff? I've never been like that. I've never asked them for advice on relationships, bullying, racism, friendships, anything like that. My sister is the one who talks to them a lot, I don't really but then I've never ever been like that. I don't try to do it I just react how I feel comfortable. When my nan died I was just very private and didn't say anything.
It feels awkward for me to talk to my parents like that or tell them I love them. I don't know why.
It feels awkward for me to talk to my parents like that or tell them I love them. I don't know why.
I love my parents yes. I don't always get along with them, and I don't think they understand me at all, but I do love them.
This I can say from the bottom of my heart that I really really do love my parents.
This
I can say from the bottom of my heart that I really really do love my parents.(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Coeusful
My girlfriend brought something to my attention today: I don't love, nor feel any kind of affinity towards my parents. Is that... odd, unusual?
My parents have fed, clothed, educated me, and will continue to support me throughout my life until they or I die -- I know that for certain; that's who they are. Moreover, I'm very grateful for that support. But still, on no conscious level can I say, Gosh, I sure do love mum and dad. I imagine one afternoon the school secretary will walk into the classroom and inform me that my parents died in a tragic car accident that morning. I imagine myself shrugging, finishing the class until the bell goes, and going home to sort out funeral affairs, etc. -- Morbid, I know!
What, on some subconscious level do I love my parents? If, say, they were to die, would I suddenly go, Well whattaya' know? I did love my parents all along! at which point all the characters in-scene would laugh and the credits would roll to a jolly show-tune? No! Surely not! Shouldn't love be felt and consciously acknowledged? I've felt love, or at the very least strong attachment, among friends and partners. My parents are flawed (good lord how they're flawed...) but they are essentially decent human beings, so they are lovable...
I'd prefer it if I weren't cast off as an ungrateful sod because I can't love my parents when they give me everything, gave me life, etc., etc.... As I said, I am grateful for their generosity. I was just wondering if anyone else is like this. I'm marginally worried about it.
Thanks!
My parents have fed, clothed, educated me, and will continue to support me throughout my life until they or I die -- I know that for certain; that's who they are. Moreover, I'm very grateful for that support. But still, on no conscious level can I say, Gosh, I sure do love mum and dad. I imagine one afternoon the school secretary will walk into the classroom and inform me that my parents died in a tragic car accident that morning. I imagine myself shrugging, finishing the class until the bell goes, and going home to sort out funeral affairs, etc. -- Morbid, I know!
What, on some subconscious level do I love my parents? If, say, they were to die, would I suddenly go, Well whattaya' know? I did love my parents all along! at which point all the characters in-scene would laugh and the credits would roll to a jolly show-tune? No! Surely not! Shouldn't love be felt and consciously acknowledged? I've felt love, or at the very least strong attachment, among friends and partners. My parents are flawed (good lord how they're flawed...) but they are essentially decent human beings, so they are lovable...
I'd prefer it if I weren't cast off as an ungrateful sod because I can't love my parents when they give me everything, gave me life, etc., etc.... As I said, I am grateful for their generosity. I was just wondering if anyone else is like this. I'm marginally worried about it.
Thanks!
sorry, but..
Original post by Wilfred Little
It feels awkward for me to talk to my parents like that or tell them I love them. I don't know why.
It feels awkward for me to talk to my parents like that or tell them I love them. I don't know why.
Do they tell you they love you?
My husband and his mother are like that. They love each other, but they never ever say it. I remember about 5 years ago my husband had an urge to tell his mother that he loves her, and it took him about two months to pluck up the guts to tell her. When he finally told her she was flabbergasted. She said it back, and asked him if he was ill or something lol.
They've not said it since.
I tell my mother I love her every time I speak to her. Same for my dad. And I tell my kids (and they tell me) about 27359723598234 times a day haha. I can't imagine not telling them that I love them, or vice versa.
Original post by PinkMobilePhone
Do they tell you they love you?
My husband and his mother are like that. They love each other, but they never ever say it. I remember about 5 years ago my husband had an urge to tell his mother that he loves her, and it took him about two months to pluck up the guts to tell her. When he finally told her she was flabbergasted. She said it back, and asked him if he was ill or something lol.
They've not said it since.
I tell my mother I love her every time I speak to her. Same for my dad. And I tell my kids (and they tell me) about 27359723598234 times a day haha. I can't imagine not telling them that I love them, or vice versa.
My husband and his mother are like that. They love each other, but they never ever say it. I remember about 5 years ago my husband had an urge to tell his mother that he loves her, and it took him about two months to pluck up the guts to tell her. When he finally told her she was flabbergasted. She said it back, and asked him if he was ill or something lol.
They've not said it since.
I tell my mother I love her every time I speak to her. Same for my dad. And I tell my kids (and they tell me) about 27359723598234 times a day haha. I can't imagine not telling them that I love them, or vice versa.
My mum does and I've awkwardly said it back, it's a quick 'love you' then out the door.
My dad doesn't say it. Would feel weird. Do most men just not talk to their parents like girls do? One of my friends thinks it's weird that I never ask them for any advice. I'm also the same with my sister too. I don't know if it's because I'm inquisitive and prefer to find stuff out myself and over time that's how I felt awkward asking... but then I will ask friends for their advice at times.
I don't really feel much for my parents.
A few years ago I spent months working up the courage to tell them that I had social anxiety and depression and I needed help badly. When I finally told them, my Dad got so angry I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. He broke the door to get in, dragged me out, pushed me down the stairs and kicked me as I lay on the floor, shouting that he wished I was never born, he'd rather have my best friend as a daughter, he couldn't believe he had a kid so selfish, attention seeking and messed up as I was. My Mum just stood, watched and agreed with him.
After that any love I felt just vanished and the trust I had for them has gone. I want to love them, they both work so hard to keep us all fed and clothed and housed, but I can't find any feeling for them at all. I can't wait to leave home.
A few years ago I spent months working up the courage to tell them that I had social anxiety and depression and I needed help badly. When I finally told them, my Dad got so angry I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. He broke the door to get in, dragged me out, pushed me down the stairs and kicked me as I lay on the floor, shouting that he wished I was never born, he'd rather have my best friend as a daughter, he couldn't believe he had a kid so selfish, attention seeking and messed up as I was. My Mum just stood, watched and agreed with him.
After that any love I felt just vanished and the trust I had for them has gone. I want to love them, they both work so hard to keep us all fed and clothed and housed, but I can't find any feeling for them at all. I can't wait to leave home.
I've never told my parents I love them and they have never said it back to me. We very rarely talk about anything serious and I get on with my life without much interference from them. This is strange as we get on really well. I have a great relationship with my Mum and Dad and it is evident they care for me a lot, they gave me a fantastic start in life and I'm so grateful. They always help me out with money if I need it and on the rare occassion I do go to them for advice then they're always there to listen and they do the same with my 3 siblings.
I think the fact we have never said we love each other out loud is because it goes without saying. I think it would be awkward if I went up to them and said 'I love you', we're just not that sort of family.
I think the fact we have never said we love each other out loud is because it goes without saying. I think it would be awkward if I went up to them and said 'I love you', we're just not that sort of family.
Original post by TheQuietOne
I don't really feel much for my parents.
A few years ago I spent months working up the courage to tell them that I had social anxiety and depression and I needed help badly. When I finally told them, my Dad got so angry I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. He broke the door to get in, dragged me out, pushed me down the stairs and kicked me as I lay on the floor, shouting that he wished I was never born, he'd rather have my best friend as a daughter, he couldn't believe he had a kid so selfish, attention seeking and messed up as I was. My Mum just stood, watched and agreed with him.
After that any love I felt just vanished and the trust I had for them has gone. I want to love them, they both work so hard to keep us all fed and clothed and housed, but I can't find any feeling for them at all. I can't wait to leave home.
A few years ago I spent months working up the courage to tell them that I had social anxiety and depression and I needed help badly. When I finally told them, my Dad got so angry I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. He broke the door to get in, dragged me out, pushed me down the stairs and kicked me as I lay on the floor, shouting that he wished I was never born, he'd rather have my best friend as a daughter, he couldn't believe he had a kid so selfish, attention seeking and messed up as I was. My Mum just stood, watched and agreed with him.
After that any love I felt just vanished and the trust I had for them has gone. I want to love them, they both work so hard to keep us all fed and clothed and housed, but I can't find any feeling for them at all. I can't wait to leave home.
How old are you?
Original post by TheQuietOne
I don't really feel much for my parents.
A few years ago I spent months working up the courage to tell them that I had social anxiety and depression and I needed help badly. When I finally told them, my Dad got so angry I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. He broke the door to get in, dragged me out, pushed me down the stairs and kicked me as I lay on the floor, shouting that he wished I was never born, he'd rather have my best friend as a daughter, he couldn't believe he had a kid so selfish, attention seeking and messed up as I was. My Mum just stood, watched and agreed with him.
After that any love I felt just vanished and the trust I had for them has gone. I want to love them, they both work so hard to keep us all fed and clothed and housed, but I can't find any feeling for them at all. I can't wait to leave home.
A few years ago I spent months working up the courage to tell them that I had social anxiety and depression and I needed help badly. When I finally told them, my Dad got so angry I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. He broke the door to get in, dragged me out, pushed me down the stairs and kicked me as I lay on the floor, shouting that he wished I was never born, he'd rather have my best friend as a daughter, he couldn't believe he had a kid so selfish, attention seeking and messed up as I was. My Mum just stood, watched and agreed with him.
After that any love I felt just vanished and the trust I had for them has gone. I want to love them, they both work so hard to keep us all fed and clothed and housed, but I can't find any feeling for them at all. I can't wait to leave home.
That sounds awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
I'm so grateful I have such understanding parents but it upsets me not everyone is as lucky as me. I hope you got the help you needed from someone else.
Original post by Wilfred Little
How old are you?
18
Original post by Dorito
That sounds awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
I'm so grateful I have such understanding parents but it upsets me not everyone is as lucky as me. I hope you got the help you needed from someone else.
I'm so grateful I have such understanding parents but it upsets me not everyone is as lucky as me. I hope you got the help you needed from someone else.
Thankyou
I helped myself in the end. It took me a long time but I can say I'm nearly there now.
(edited 12 years ago)
I would say I love my parents but I'm not particularly close with them. For example, I can't wait to move into halls. It's not that I don't love them, I just want the freedom.
Original post by TheQuietOne
Thankyou
I helped myself in the end. It took me a long time but I can say I'm nearly there now.
I helped myself in the end. It took me a long time but I can say I'm nearly there now.
Glad to hear it, sometimes the only person you can rely on in this world is yourself!
Original post by TheQuietOne
18
Do you go out much at all?
Really sympathise with you.
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