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Realistically, how hard is it to make friends at Uni?

I have always been quite shy and "unpopular". I have a very small group of very good friends at secondary school.

What was your experience like?

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I don't think you'll have much trouble. You might have been shy and "unpopular" in school, but once you go to uni everyone's slate is wiped clean. Everyone else will be in the same boat as you and having that connection won't make it hard to make new friends. Besides, that's what fresher's week is for :smile:

Reply 3

TheSownRose

Realistically, you don't fall into friendships as is depicted on TV and in films (and what I think some people go to university expecting), but unless you cannot talk to people at all, you'll make friends.

Reply 4

username739587

very easy to make friends at uni. Your flatmates will be good friends if you make the effort to talk to them, your coursemates will be friends, and if you join some clubs and things then you'll make friends there too. Theres even clubs and societies like gaming and larp if that's your thing :smile:

Reply 5

Procrastination

Original post by ljkobrien

Also I'm usually the awkward one sitting down in clubs with one other person either in the corner or at the bar as I'm not much of a dancer. Will this make it harder? :colondollar:

Reply 6

Tactical Nuclear Penguin

No problem at all, even the most shy people ever make loads of friends; as long as you put in the effort to meet and greet and get to know people, you'll be fine :smile:

Reply 7

FranticMind

Loads of friendly people. Put on a smile, talk to people, get know everyone you can. And you will make friends!

Reply 8

TGH1

Original post by Procrastination

I have always been quite shy and "unpopular". I have a very small group of very good friends at secondary school.

What was your experience like?

I'm not at uni, but I've been in similar shoes.

At one visit day, all the offer holders went to a room with tea and biscuits. It was, at first, the most awkward situation I've ever been in - literally dozens of silent people looking around hopelessly. But after a while people started talking, moving around, shaking hands. We'll all be in the same boat :smile:

Reply 9

Mr Ben

Assuming you actually try, it's extremely easy to make friends at university, I really wouldn't worry about it, I was damned shy too before I went, but I still made friends nice and quick.
And when I say try, I don't mean you have to go overboard trying to make friends, you just have to avoid being one of the people we inadvertedly see every year on TSR saying "I've spent the whole first term in my room refusing to talk to anybody and I haven't made any friends, I don't understand why"

Reply 10

ljkobrien

To be honest I was exactly the same. I hadn't even been into a club before I went to uni! The best thing you can do is talk to people, honestly, there are people who don't make friends at uni. But they are always people who just sit in their room and never talk to anyone. There will always people who don't want to be at the heart of things, dancing in the club, but it doesn't mean you can't make friends, like stroppyninja said, most unis have a large number of societies and groups too so you can meet people who like the same kind of things you do

Reply 11

yothi5

Quite easy to make friends. But, people come and go, so quite hard to keep friends.

Reply 12

Procrastination

Original post by stroppyninja

I think I may just be panicking because I've had the same-ish set of friends all the way through primary, secondary and sixth form so I've never actually had to 'make friends' any friends that I have gained have just occurred without any effort what so ever.

Also I don't really have many hobbies apart from watching films or shopping :/ Althought larp does sound quite entertaining :biggrin:

Reply 13

Procrastination

Original post by yothi5

Quite easy to make friends. But, people come and go, so quite hard to keep friends.

I've had that all my life so it wont be a problem :rolleyes:

Reply 14

Chaofan88

Doesn't seem like it will be too hard, I found I made several friends on interview/visit days and even a couple of open days (still have a couple of their numbers and am fb friends). Uni's a chance to start fresh. Everyone will be looking to meet new friends and several will be as anxious (if not more) than yourself. Be friendly and make an effort to talk to people but also be yourself (there's no point giving everyone a false impression of who you are). The likelyhood is everyone will be a bit friendlier than usual at first as they want to make friends :smile:

For my Oxford interview, most people stayed for 1-3 nights at the college and even the shyest of people made friends. Everyone made an effort to come out of their shell and mingle. I can only imagine things would only be even more social with the excitement of starting uni and no interview stress/anxiety.

Reply 15

NB_ide

Original post by Procrastination

I have always been quite shy and "unpopular". I have a very small group of very good friends at secondary school.

What was your experience like?

Just to offer an alternative perspective...

I had very few friends in secondary school and very few friends at university. Basically none, in fact. I fundamentally did not (and do not) understand people and had no idea how to join in their rituals and games. I also didn't drink at all, for personal reasons, and I really can not emphasise strongly enough how important drinking is at university. It is the foundation of everything that takes place outside of your lecture theatre. And in it.

Saying it's easy to make friends "if you try" is meaningless, circular even. Not everyone knows how to do it - it's actually an immensely complex system, but so natural to most people that they don't think about it. But imagine an alien studying our species, they could write huge volumes about how young people bond with each other and subtly manipulate each other's feelings. Not everyone reaches age 18 with that set of skills.

OP - my main advice to you is to say "yes" to as many offers that come your way (plenty will, in the first week, but after that if you keep saying no they'll forget about you) and DRINK.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 16

LexiswasmyNexis

I found it easy to make friends, and I'm sure you will, too. Everyone is a friend at first- particularly flat mates.

People are generally understanding if you're a quiet sort; but at the same time they'll have no preconceptions/expectations of you do why not let yourself go a little?

Over time you will find yourself closer to some than others, and then you can build those life long uni friendships so many people chat about.

Reply 17

12win12

well im worried about myself at the moment :/ my sister has her wedding (25th sept), but my course starts on 24th, and unfortunately i wont be back until the end of 26th...(its in cyprus... :frown:

as a very shy person... i hope i will still manage making friends on that last day of the freshers week... but i think its going to be difficult...
am i just paranoid?!!

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 18

TimmonaPortella

Very easy, straight away.

As above, slightly more difficult if you don't drink, but there are always other non-drinkers around so shouldn't be a problem.

Just talk to people, and then they'll be your friend. Just go up to other freshers and talk to them about stuff. that's basically the technique.

Reply 19

12win12

hehe i hope so... tho unfortunately again i dont exactly drink... or socialable either... tho its likely ill talk a bit more easily after going through olympics... (volunteering in it you see ^^' )

just a question, what exactly do you do during freshers week? ive only got the impression that you make friends that week xD