She kissed me, I hit her, she's left me - HELP!

Hi, been a while since I posted on this topic; you may remember my previous posts:
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1433359
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1485816
The simplified story is: many years ago, a friend was in a bad mental state and tried to strangle me - that left me with a hatred of having my neck touched, although I forgave my friend. My girlfriend liked touching necks and, one time, she did it and I accidentally hit out at her. We worked through that incident, with an agreement that she would stop touching my neck. I never told her the full story of why I didn't like it - I sort of did, but pretended it was my weird alcoholic cousin that did it and not my friend.

Well... It happened again. :s-smilie:

We were in the 'throes of passion' when she kissed my neck. Only this time, I didn't just hit out accidentally. It's not like I backed her against a wall and broke her jaw, but it wasn't just my general flailing. I meant to get her away from me. I'm not that sure if I hit her or just pushed her away, but I did something.

And it didn't just stop there. Last time, I felt so guilty immediately. This time, I went absolutely mental. Shouting, screaming, yelling all about what the **** did she think she was doing and why the **** didn't she learn from last time, why must she keep on trying to assault me. She was crying the whole time.

I eventually calmed, which is when I realised what I'd done (and surveyed the mess; apparently I'd thrown a vase at the wall at some stage, I didn't even realise I had), and started crying myself. I tried to hug her in comfort, but she stood up, sadly and tearfully said, "You're just messed up, Johnny" ... and left.

What am I going to do? I've realised now that this is some misplaced anger towards my friend and what he did ... but I can't take it out on him, I found out a few days ago that he was off of his medication and killed himself. I even identified the body (his only friend in the world, and his mother was too distraught.) And now I've ruined my relationship with my girlfriend - she can't trust me, she has no way of knowing what I'm going to do next time she accidentally kisses or touches my neck.

I need help ... but I don't know where to get it. :frown:

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Reply 1

Executioner

You need to get your act together -.-

Unlucky.

You have to sort out your problems first, you can't expect her to stay with you if she has a slip of the mind and touches your neck and you hit her and go insane. Go see a psychiatrist or something.

Reply 4

slylee

Get help from a therapist.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Executioner

You need to get your act together -.-

I realise that, that's what the entire post is about. :rolleyes:

Reply 6

NaturalDisaster

You definitely need help from a therapist, even though it wasn't your fault and you sound like you've been through a hell of a lot, you should get definitely help so this doesn't happen to you anymore. Hope it gets better, OP. Can't blame her though, it must have been hard for her as well.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Liam 09

You have to sort out your problems first, you can't expect her to stay with you if she has a slip of the mind and touches your neck and you hit her and go insane. Go see a psychiatrist or something.

She's not staying with me, she's left.

Reply 8

JongKey

You need some help. You can't be sending people to hospital everytime they touch your neck.

Reply 9

Yawn11

What happens when you have a dead arm and touch your own neck?

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by JongKey

You need some help. You can't be sending people to hospital everytime they touch your neck.

Ok, let's not go overboard: I didn't send her to hospital, I just flipped out a bit and terrified her.

Reply 11

mew_156

You mustbe going through a lot, but I guess she has to put her own safety first...and if she doesn't feel safe around you, then she wont come back. You obviously have underlying issues with the incident with your late friend (sorry, it must be horrible to deal with). It seems that the incident is eating you up and its affecting those around you, not just yourself. Perhaps you should attend counselling sessions? Or speak to a psychologist. See your doctor on arranging a session. At least if your girlfriend knows youre actively seeking some kind of professional help for your anxiety, then she'd be more inclined to stick by you if she knows you're getting the help you need.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 12

Roo Bix

Put a neck brace on for Pete's sake.

If this is the second or third time this has happened, surely this tells you that you need to seek some help/diagnosis urgently to avoid putting your girlfriend in the same situation again.

Reply 13

xnatalie01x

I remember the previous threads, sadly enough!

Echoing my last post, get help for it.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by Yawn11

What happens when you have a dead arm and touch your own neck?

Can't say I've ever tried that. When I know neck touching is coming, I raise my shoulders and clench up.

Reply 15

EternalDoom

Systematic desensitisation, contact your local psychiatrist

Johnny? Is that you?

I said you had no right to do that **** to her when you made that post last time, and I got negged to hell for being insensitive... now everyone's going "GOSH GET IT TOGETHER BRO."

Seriously, it's so unfair to treat your girlfriend this way, and you need to get over the fact that she isn't going to hurt you for Christ's sake. If it's such a massive problem that you just "can't help", go see a professional, instead of making posts whimpering about how traumatic the incident was. I think she's a gem for sticking it out after the first time.

Reply 18

JongKey

Original post by Anonymous

Ok, let's not go overboard: I didn't send her to hospital, I just flipped out a bit and terrified her.

What if you do eventually? You didn't realise you smashed the vase to the wall - what if that hit your girlfriend? You shouldn't be waiting for it to happen to do something about it - get help.

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

Original post by zoewolff

She isn't coming back. She left me a note saying she knows it's not all my fault, but she can't stay with me ... and has gone back to Ireland to be with her parents. I was half expecting the police to show up, but apparently she's still kind enough not to do that.