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What do you think this description could get in english GSCE?

The task is to write a description over a page long and 550 words, about the beach, this is mine. if you have no idea what the grade might be dont bother answering


Isolated, the beach hides from the world it is a secret playground. A picturesque scene that should belong to a fantasy world but wasted and unacknowledged by most. The sun burns hard as a light fluttering breeze make the heat bearable.
Like a land slide the fine sand falls with every touch, destroying the beautiful formations of the duns. Lingering, among the sand are the unique footprints of the people who once dared to wonder, they are now the ruins of forgotten memories that have blurred into the past. The sand a solid block, with holes that are the shells.
Mother of peal, glisten in the blistering sun. Scattered around untouched for years like the window pane of an abandoned house- broken to be collected with dust. Shattered, one cries for help as a piercing shard stands up protecting the rest. A mystical rainbow of light leap from each shell as the sun ferociously bounces of them.
A inferno inhabits the vibrant sky, until the breaking of the night the light will never go out. As clouds smudge across the blue sky a soft, gentle zephyr cools the air. Shadows of gargantuan trees hide as the mid-day sun approaches. The sun seeks out its coward spy. Leaves on the strong palm tree fan out like the elegant feathers of a peacock. Standing at one the threes form an army: jungle like, they go on for miles. They whisper to each other in the silence. Fine hairs stick out on their sandpaper like trunks. Some trees are hidden by nearby rocks.
Piled up high against each other the dismal rocks made a dungeon, protecting the unknown. Moss grows thick realising a murky, damp stench. Magma made boulders smooth while others are rough and feel like fibre glass flakes.
Bleak, in the distance smothered in fog is the mysterious cave. An old home of the pre-historic humans, now the devils privet holiday home. Disgusting bats and creepy spiders dwell in the cave; every corner holds a web. A black abyss, hidden in the rocks, a virtue of the world that was, before humanity. Squawking, bats fly freely without a care. Waves start to flood the empty cave once more and they come crashing in- the echoes grow ever louder.
Chasing each other to the shore, the white horses descend like the ripples of a stone in a pond. Crashing on each other, washing up rubble from the sea floor. The very start of the sea like bars of a jail keeping everyone a prisoner for the out side world. Seen through the clear waters, luminous fish swim, blue and black strips never fail to amaze; undiscovered species are always lurching. A boat rocks as the motion increases in the sea.
Distance, in land and the boat shortens but still I sense of danger is dense in the atmosphere. The classic white sailing boat with three sails high as speed picks up and its red go-faster-strip comes apparent. The owner is a teenage boy wearing a short sleeved wet suit, sweat drips from his face as he grunts when pulling on the rigs. He hopes not to end like the last person to sail on these waters, the wreck still sits on the sand.
Clams cling of to rotting wood which are the ruins of a once angelic boat. the seagulls perch on the remains with other birds it is a meeting spot for the beasts of the sky.
Original post by Xxemo=lifexX
The task is to write a description over a page long and 550 words, about the beach, this is mine. if you have no idea what the grade might be dont bother answering


Isolated, the beach hides from the world it is a secret playground. A picturesque scene that should belong to a fantasy world but wasted and unacknowledged by most. The sun burns hard as a light fluttering breeze make the heat bearable.
Like a land slide the fine sand falls with every touch, destroying the beautiful formations of the duns. Lingering, among the sand are the unique footprints of the people who once dared to wonder, they are now the ruins of forgotten memories that have blurred into the past. The sand a solid block, with holes that are the shells.
Mother of peal, glisten in the blistering sun. Scattered around untouched for years like the window pane of an abandoned house- broken to be collected with dust. Shattered, one cries for help as a piercing shard stands up protecting the rest. A mystical rainbow of light leap from each shell as the sun ferociously bounces of them.
A inferno inhabits the vibrant sky, until the breaking of the night the light will never go out. As clouds smudge across the blue sky a soft, gentle zephyr cools the air. Shadows of gargantuan trees hide as the mid-day sun approaches. The sun seeks out its coward spy. Leaves on the strong palm tree fan out like the elegant feathers of a peacock. Standing at one the threes form an army: jungle like, they go on for miles. They whisper to each other in the silence. Fine hairs stick out on their sandpaper like trunks. Some trees are hidden by nearby rocks.
Piled up high against each other the dismal rocks made a dungeon, protecting the unknown. Moss grows thick realising a murky, damp stench. Magma made boulders smooth while others are rough and feel like fibre glass flakes.
Bleak, in the distance smothered in fog is the mysterious cave. An old home of the pre-historic humans, now the devils privet holiday home. Disgusting bats and creepy spiders dwell in the cave; every corner holds a web. A black abyss, hidden in the rocks, a virtue of the world that was, before humanity. Squawking, bats fly freely without a care. Waves start to flood the empty cave once more and they come crashing in- the echoes grow ever louder.
Chasing each other to the shore, the white horses descend like the ripples of a stone in a pond. Crashing on each other, washing up rubble from the sea floor. The very start of the sea like bars of a jail keeping everyone a prisoner for the out side world. Seen through the clear waters, luminous fish swim, blue and black strips never fail to amaze; undiscovered species are always lurching. A boat rocks as the motion increases in the sea.
Distance, in land and the boat shortens but still I sense of danger is dense in the atmosphere. The classic white sailing boat with three sails high as speed picks up and its red go-faster-strip comes apparent. The owner is a teenage boy wearing a short sleeved wet suit, sweat drips from his face as he grunts when pulling on the rigs. He hopes not to end like the last person to sail on these waters, the wreck still sits on the sand.
Clams cling of to rotting wood which are the ruins of a once angelic boat. the seagulls perch on the remains with other birds it is a meeting spot for the beasts of the sky.


High A? Good imagery, but vary the types, few basic errors like "still I sense of danger". The beginning's great, but try to keep the pace and interesting tone as you move forwards. Hope that helps :smile:
Reply 2
Don't worry yourself over passing English GCSE, if you can spell decently and string a sentence together without 845346547 grammar mistakes and you are clear and concise through your writing then you will get at least an A.

From that piece i am pretty certain you will get A*/A, i got an A without any practice so it's pretty easy, maths on the other hand was a bit more challenging for myself! Haha.
Reply 3
I would say a Solid Grade 'A'. You describe certain features very well - there is some punctuation lacking in other areas though. To improve, fix some unnecessary commas (also, add a dash (hyphen) '-' between world and it in the first sentence) and try to link your paragraphs together more, making your writing more coherent. It might also be an idea to link the end back to the beginning again.
I'm going to steal this and use it as my GCSE work.
Reply 5
Original post by ritchie888
I'm going to steal this and use it as my GCSE work.



okay :smile::smile::smile:
Original post by Xxemo=lifexX
okay :smile::smile::smile:


... Is what I would be saying if I weren't 22 :frown:
Original post by wtfCharlie
High A? Good imagery, but vary the types, few basic errors like "still I sense of danger". The beginning's great, but try to keep the pace and interesting tone as you move forwards. Hope that helps :smile:


Not high A at all. I would have to say a very low A or a very high B.
Can someone help me and give ideas on how to write a descriptive peice for a school assembly on the first day of September :smile:
stealing this for my homework :wink:. This is just amazing
absolutely amazing! I am currently working on my language paper 1 question 5 as I have a practice mock tomorrow so thank you for your help!
What would this be in GSCE terms of English language
The journey of life can be overwhelming with unexpected pleasant surprises or revolting set backs.We all experience these events in a lifetime.

“Call me Hamza?”.You don’t know me but soon will.

Outsider.The name I was given the day I was born. I lived a tranquil and undisturbed life-(me and mum).That's how I wanted it to be ; Born as a solitude creature to the world.Distressing,unwanted,ruthless this was what life offered to me-an outsider.Deprived status of having single mother.I was called no father. Mocked for being fatherless was anxious and dejected through society.But mother always supported me when I was always at my downeast.Shining hope of how wonderful the town was.

The important fragment in my life.

A rarity that no one could have.Mum was (hardworking and amiable) totally known for the godmother of compassion.Respected elderly.A glamorous glittering light that was praised by luton folks for her selfless affection.A wonderful mother indeed.The one who carried me out from the darkest moments of my life.An admirable figure desired as if god had sended his blessing to fix the compounding suffering which have suffocated my desolate life.Not having a father was congenial as a mother was all I needed.

But I did think about him a lot !

Gushes of words enveloped my mind as the repeated nostalgic memories came back once more.A stunningly mesmerising day.The imposing clock tower reflected the myriad of mirrored retail establishments.Time once a relentless sprinter now drags it feet as if burden by the weight of eternity.



The suns dripped warmth like hot wax,both soothing and scorching the spreading field below.The blanket of eternal darkness never to be seen anymore as if god had cast his blessing to protect this holy land.The horizon ripples like a bronze shield beaten by a grammar,as though some greek god had been reborn to hurl the shaft of glorious light on the grateful crops.The wind never gazed ut’s artistic trickery but awakened its breeze throughout the land.Birds chirping harmoniously created a melody that spreaded like a piano session.The weather so bright that any ominous darkness was penetrated like a glass being shattered.A spectacular day.

Luton glowed with light so strong it dazzled.

It was the ultimate day of the year. the most yearned and craved.The most anticipated.The one we counted down to.A day where everything mattered and impacted the society in luton.

Carnival!

The day that the poor became the richest and the rich became the most humble. The day where frantic tourist and jovial party goers came down to commemorate the special day.The mesmerising food store aligned adjacent to each other.New interest desperate to see the glorious enrichment luton stored.Dullness and boredom was prevalent most of the years;this day was more than enough to cover up for it.

Streams of sly snakes waiting in line to taste the finest cuisine and delicacy luton had offered.Rivalry between cultures and religion when facing the historic games that luton portrayed.It was complete utopia! .An equestrian.

Mindlesslywandering through the exotic cramped building.Distorted faint pictures of amicable and serene family portrayed like a statue that can be seen by everyone.

“Questioning what my circumstances would have been with a family?”

Breathless,exasperated, troubled.I hurried away not wanting to see the imposing and dreadful picture of pain and agony that illuminated my heart.

Then the unexpected…
A hand offered me help.
I gestured a thank you! But was stopped in my tracks

I gulped nervously tracing any air left.Befuddled and breathless in my daunting thoughts.Agitated and shock pierced down through my body like god giving me a new destination.

The eyes.
The mouth.
The gait.

Hello son! Exclaimed a voice so strange yet so familiar.

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