Feeling really terrible lately. I've never been on medication as I'm really against the idea but I'm starting to wonder if it's the only answer. Sure, I have happy times, but there's been an underlying "sadness" for the past 6 years. I have no motivation to study and am falling behind majorly. I have no direction in life, nothing really makes me happy. The only things that do provide a very short-lived feeling, as I'm not good enough at any of these things to pursue any sort of profession. Feel very lost. I can't stand who I am or the way I look, which makes me miserable, which makes me hate myself more. *Sigh*