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help? i just need to be able to cope

Poll

The best way to calm down after a big loss

Recently a very close family member passed away...
...i really have no idea what to do
You can call me selfish and horrible for bringing this up in a forum...but i was just hoping to talk to someone that could perhaps help me. I've never really lost anyone so close to me, until now.
The worst part is, it's my fault!
She was in a car accident...coming to pick ME up from MY drama class. If I wasn't so selfish and just took the train home, this wouldn't have happened.
Please. I just need someone to talk to. im to scared to call a helpline and im too afraid to talk to people around me.
People have been telling me to give it time to heal...but what happens until then? i refuse to forget!!
Please...I just need some guidance.
Reply 1
Avatar for bleech
bleech
Talk to someone real. There is only so much a forum can help.
Oh, and it's really not you're fault. Really.
So, seriously, go talk to someone.
Reply 2
Avatar for Charliexxbby
Charliexxbby
OP
bleech
Talk to someone real. There is only so much a forum can help.
Oh, and it's really not you're fault. Really.
So, seriously, go talk to someone.

But I don't know who to talk too.
Reply 3
Avatar for hslt
hslt
12
Well it's obviously NOT your fault. I have my mum and grandma running around after me, and I don't know many people who don't.
It might seem easy to blame yourself, and it's going to be a sad time, but just keep your head above water and try and talk it through with friends or family members.
If talking face to face is too scary then just ring that helpline - there is nothing to be frightened of there, you'll have someone caring to speak to and most helplines are anonamous too. I know you say you're scared, but talking to someone properly will be more useful than posting.
Hope that helps a little, and remember it's NOT your fault.
Reply 4
Avatar for Charliexxbby
Charliexxbby
OP
hslt
Well it's obviously NOT your fault. I have my mum and grandma running around after me, and I don't know many people who don't.
It might seem easy to blame yourself, and it's going to be a sad time, but just keep your head above water and try and talk it through with friends or family members.
If talking face to face is too scary then just ring that helpline - there is nothing to be frightened of there, you'll have someone caring to speak to and most helplines are anonamous too. I know you say you're scared, but talking to someone properly will be more useful than posting.
Hope that helps a little, and remember it's NOT your fault.

Thankyou.
I've been trying to get myself to call a helpline, but i feel so silly.
My dad and brother refuse to talk about it at the moment and I don't want to dump this on my friends. I just feel a bit stuck at the moment
Reply 5
Avatar for hslt
hslt
12
Also, if it helps, when I have something weighing me down a little bit of socialising and a little bit of exercise goes a long way. You might not feel like it, but being around people will make you feel happier about yourself and exercise gives you a great natural 'kick' and stops you thinking for a while.
Reply 6
Avatar for Charliexxbby
Charliexxbby
OP
hslt
Also, if it helps, when I have something weighing me down a little bit of socialising and a little bit of exercise goes a long way. You might not feel like it, but being around people will make you feel happier about yourself and exercise gives you a great natural 'kick' and stops you thinking for a while.

Exercise sounds like a good idea, but everytime I stop thinking about it, as soon as i remember again, i feel so selfish ...it's insane!
Reply 7
Avatar for hslt
hslt
12
Charliexxbby

I've been trying to get myself to call a helpline, but i feel so silly.


Don't feel silly, these people are there to help with exactly what you're going through. They expect it

Charliexxbby

My dad and brother refuse to talk about it at the moment and I don't want to dump this on my friends.


If you've got a good close friend I'm sure they wouldn't mind it, though perhaps your dad and brother may need some space (I presume this person was close to them too?). That said, if they do want to talk it might be good for all of you!

Charliexxbby

I just feel a bit stuck at the moment


If nothing else works, your GP could be good to talk to, or a school counsellour[spelt wrong] (if you're still at school) or a therapist. Don't be scared to talk to someone 'medical', it doesn't mean you have a disease, they're here to help with illness and emotional problems.
Reply 8
Avatar for Charliexxbby
Charliexxbby
OP
hslt
Don't feel silly, these people are there to help with exactly what you're going through. They expect it



If you've got a good close friend I'm sure they wouldn't mind it, though perhaps your dad and brother may need some space (I presume this person was close to them too?). That said, if they do want to talk it might be good for all of you!



If nothing else works, your GP could be good to talk to, or a school counsellour[spelt wrong] (if you're still at school) or a therapist. Don't be scared to talk to someone 'medical', it doesn't mean you have a disease, they're here to help with illness and emotional problems.
Thanks for your help, i think i'll talk to the school councilor .
Thanks for all your help
xo.
Reply 9
Avatar for hslt
hslt
12
No worries :smile:
Three things. One talk to someone. Be it a counsellor or a friend/family member. It will help you.
two exercise. It will make you feel better. It helps to lift your mood and should stop you becoming depressed. Thirdly and I doubt you want to here this but you have to accept there is nothing you can do and move on. Don't forget but accept you can not help now and by tourmenting yourself and blaming yourself you are helping know one. You could as easily blame the person who died for agreeing to pick you up as you could yourself for asking for a lift. You could blame an almost infinite number of things but doing that will change nothing and help no one. You have to get on with your life.
Reply 11
Avatar for Charliexxbby
Charliexxbby
OP
Thankyou.
I think i'll try some of these idea's
God Bless.
Open up, don't keep all these thought's to yourself, it build's up and you never move on - talk to someone ie. a close teacher really helped me they understood without being patronising. Don't forget but accept, everyone is different and closure will come. Your not to blame and they wouldn't want you to dwell on it, make the most of your life, make them proud :smile:
Reply 13
Avatar for Tabris
Tabris
16
Well, first off, you need to stop blaming yourself.

It is extremely unfortunate that this close family member was in a car accident, but it was exactly that, an accident, there's no way anybody could have expected that to happen.

Secondly, find someone close that you can confide in, it really does help, whether or not it's a close friend, a counsellor, teacher, whatever. I can't begin to tell you how much it helps having someone to talk to when you're dealing with a loss. Not talking about it and bottling it up isn't a good thing.

I'm not going to lie to you though, you're not going to forget, that's not a bad thing though, over time, you'll ease up and learn to cope with the loss.

Thing is, you've got to be strong through all of this, not just for your own benefit, but for your brother and father. Keep on going, you'll come out of the other end of this just fine.
Charliexxbby
Recently a very close family member passed away...
...i really have no idea what to do
You can call me selfish and horrible for bringing this up in a forum...but i was just hoping to talk to someone that could perhaps help me. I've never really lost anyone so close to me, until now.
The worst part is, it's my fault!
She was in a car accident...coming to pick ME up from MY drama class. If I wasn't so selfish and just took the train home, this wouldn't have happened.
Please. I just need someone to talk to. im to scared to call a helpline and im too afraid to talk to people around me.
People have been telling me to give it time to heal...but what happens until then? i refuse to forget!!
Please...I just need some guidance.



Remember, healing doesn't mean forgetting. Working through your grief will not make you forget your love for someone, believe me. You do need some help though, maybe speak to other family members?

Also, it was not your fault.
PM me if you fancy a chat, I get it from very recent experience.
Reply 15
Avatar for Charliexxbby
Charliexxbby
OP
Thankyou everyone. I've arranged a meeting with the school councilor so hopefully this can help me about. Thankyou all so much.
God Bless xo.
Reply 16
Avatar for Jack Evans
Jack Evans
Charliexxbby
Thankyou.
I think i'll try some of these idea's
God Bless.


So sorry to hear about this. I hope you will feel better soon.

Calling helplines and talking to your GP are not silly at all. they are they to provide support for people like you.

you need time to heal and you need to speak to someone.

and you are not selfish for wanting to move on or for stopping to think about it. I'm sure they would have wanted you to foget about them and just move on.

i know all of this, and the ideas given above, are much much easier said than done. I havent lost anyone close to me [yet] but the thought of losing someone close brings me down. I offer my sincere condolences.

I really don't know what to say.

I hope you feel better soon

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