Engagement

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feelthesunshine

I find most of the girls I've known who have got engaged before Uni (or equivalent age)tend to be more clingy, more approval- and attention- seeking - ie everyone gets told more than once about each engagement).

Whilst these traits are obvious with a lot of people in the changes during puberty, some people stick with the "I know all there is to know about life" ideal and try to mould their lives around it. It's not good. Adapting has been crucial since unicellular organisms started out.

Besides, I run from needy girls. You know the drill: "I've just remembered - I promised Dog, my er dog, that I'd floss his teeth this evening ... bye." Ok, so it's not that bad, as needy girls (and guys) tend to already be engaged...

Yeah thats true - from the one couple i know in a similar predicament (sounds a negative word often so in a negative context!), still together after 3 years, 2 of which since engagement...the bloke has been my mate since the age of 6, we're both approaching the 21 mark, he had not had a relationship, nor friendship for that matter, with the opposite sex till 18. Well, a month into uni, he fell for a girl and vice versa. I think these youth love stories, engagements stories, are between two people who have not introduced, or been introduced to the love game/feelings game, rather than a gradual progession, i.e. kisses behind the can machine in year 9, full french behind the canteen in yr10, and errr...whatever in yr12....they have gone 'full throttle', completely whacked out - blinded...their progression to their loved-up state is a big rush, not this gradual progression/transition in the former example. Therefore, perhaps the most inexperienced who straight off hit 'experienced', they lose sensibilities as a result?

Reply 41

ciara

Hell no!

I was in love at 15, I still believe I was, but what is unbelievable is how much I've changed since then. I really am a completely different person.

One thing that hasn't changed is that I am still highly cynical about teenagers getting engaged. It's ridiculous, you'd be very lucky to still be compatible once you'd grown up. A girl i used to be friends with got engaged on her 16th birthday (quite possibly the most immature friend I had), and to be honest I think most couples who do this need to get over themselves, think realistically and realise their huge romance really is nothing to make a lifetime decision over.

Edit: And I completely agree with you wizard, it does seem to be the least experienced needy people who do this, just go from clueless to the ultimate relationship wisdom from their 1 experience. Very odd if you ask me :confused:

Reply 42

Feef

I'm engaged. My partner and I are both 18, we've been together many years and it's an expression of an intention to stay together through uni and beyond. Nowhere in my mind (or hers) do fluffy bunnies and cute things come in to it, though I will admit I certainly wouldn't have felt ready to do this when I was 15. I'd also appreciate not being judged because of it - chat to me for 10 minutes, then form an opinion :smile:

Reply 43

Everdawn

Dragoness

Would you get engaged at 15 or 16?

The short answer.... NO!

Reply 44

white_haired_wizard

Feef

I don't want to knit-pick, but ahh go on... :smile:

You say you and your partner have been together for 'many' years, yet both of you are only 18? You also say "wouldn't have felt ready to do this when i was 15....". So you were bot with the girl when you were 15? In which case....your relationship really is 10 minutes old!

Reply 45

Xx Tomásíona - Mháire xX

Dragoness

Would you get engaged at 15 or 16? if you thought you could be commited or wanted to stay with that person forever?

i wouldnt unless, i became pregnant and the father wished to stay by my side throughout it all..... xoxo

Reply 46

Everdawn

ahh i think we females are too caught up in romance.

No.

You won't feel the buzzy, soogy feeling you feel around him forever anyway. That dies of after a couple of years and the relationship is a long term companionship love. I would just wait, is there any real need to get married. I'm presuming you're going to be together for a while so why not wait until you're 20. Alot of couples don't wed at all, have children and stay together for life. Marriage shouldn't be a necessary to your relationship.

Reply 49

BlackHawk

The problem is that some young people see an engagement as an extension of their relationship. They don't realistically think of mortgages, car loans, kids, arguements, and all the nasty stuff that comes along with marriage. I was told by someone once that if someone gets engaged and they don't set the date then somone is looking for a way out.

Reply 50

soulsussed

BlackHawk

Tjey see it as a way of building on their relationship and a way of holding on to it. I think you're right they have an idealistic idea of marriage, they don't understand its something you've really got to work at.

Reply 51

pikaboo

soulsussed

I see a partner as having to be like a best friend as well, as after a few years the companionship side will become as important if not more than what initially made you fall in love with them.

Reply 52

BlackHawk

Love is not the shortness of breath nor the longing for the other person, it is what is left over when all that has died away.

Reply 53

Kit_Kat

I'm 16 and there's no way I'd consider getting engaged yet. I've got a boyfriend who I do hope to be with for a long time but if we were engaged that's too... tying-down and we might change a lot over the next couple of years. And if we were engaged I'd feel obliged to stay with him more than if we weren't.

/ramble.

Reply 54

Shelbycakes

Feef

Why would yo get engaged at 18? if your gunna be together your gunna be together, you dont need an engagement to prove that? or perhaps you do?
15 16 17 18 just too young!

Reply 55

pikaboo

Shelbycakes

Why would yo get engaged at 18? if your gunna be together your gunna be together, you dont need an engagement to prove that? or perhaps you do?
15 16 17 18 just too young!

Woo, I can get engaged next month then :p:

Being engaged before you can get married without permission is silly IMO, if it's really love then both partners should feel committed without needing a ring to 'prove' it.

Reply 56

Kit_Kat

if your gunna be together your gunna be together, you dont need an engagement to prove that?

I suppose some people would like that... reassurance. (If that's the right word)

Hope it all works out for you Feef :smile:

Reply 57

Shelbycakes

but if you need to reassurance then possibly there's something not quite right there

Reply 58

Kit_Kat

Possibly, I suppose it's hard to say what the 'right' age to get engaged is, you've just got to do what feels right for you in your own relationship! If it works out for people who get engaged young then good for them. But I personally wouldn't feel ready until I'd at least left uni.