[Anonymous]

Sorry if this is a typical TSR thread, but mostly I just feel like I need to write this down somewhere.

I've just gone to uni. I really like the course and the uni is great, so from that perspective I am really enjoying myself. However, over the past year or so I have found myself going out less and less and less, and I was really hoping that here I would be able to make friends and go out - but I am just unable to do so.

I've come here with my boyfriend and we are very close, which is really great. I have great housemates, and I've met some really nice people on my courses, but I find it so hard to actually start a conversation with them, and I find myself dreading going out anywhere. I'm not a huge party-person, but I enjoy going out to pubs and such. During freshers I went to a few of the campus bars but they were always packed, and it seemed like everyone else had already made great friends, so it was difficult to just go up to people and start chatting.

During lectures and seminars I've met people and got talking, but always I feel really uncomfortable. I met a great girl and talked to her a little, then straight after when I walked away I suddenly got incredibly worried that she thought I was really boring, uninteresting and didn't want to talk to me. At the moment I even don't like just going to the shop or the laundry. I feel incredibly self conscious, like everyone is judging me. At the same time I know this is stupid, but I can't help it.

I get really worried about going out at any time. I feel terrible walking around on my own, but can't imagine just going up to someone and starting a conversation, even though in my mind I am sure everyone is really nice and friendly. I feel like I'm withdrawing further and further into myself. I get worried I will be in my housemates' way so I tend to just stay in my room, and go to the kitchen only when no one is there. I know this is stupid but I can't bring myself to go in in case they are annoyed by me.

Me and my boyfriend have gone into the city, gone to see films and gone for walks and such, but I really wanted to have other people I could go do stuff with. At the same time I am too 'scared' to try making friends because I feel like in comparison to others I am boring.

I've gone to a few drama society things and auditioned for a play. I was incredibly nervous and hugely stressed out like I always am for auditions, and did not get a part - though my boyfriend did. I am really happy for him and glad that he is going to be in it because the part is perfect for him, and yet there is some part of me that doesn't want to talk about it. I was sort of looking forward to being involved, I figured it would give me a chance to get to know other people and also have something to do in the evenings, and now it's sort of made it worse because he will be going off to rehearsals and I will have even less to do. I then feel really guilty for feeling like this.

I sort of want to still stay involved with the drama group, maybe doing costume or set design, but I know I am a huge perfectionist and would be so worried of disappointing people if I did something that was wrong or not good enough.

I know I should just 'go out and talk to people' but I am literally too nervous to do that. Sometimes when I am in a better/more confident mood I have found people I really get on with, but afterwards I always feel like I've done something wrong and everyone just thinks I'm an idiot.

I don't know how I feel anymore. At times I feel incredibly depressed and overwhelmed, like I just want to sit and do nothing or sleep or something. Other times I feel.. I don't know, really different, almost hyperactive, like I want to go out and do everything. The latter times happen less and less, and always afterwards I feel like I've made a fool of myself, like everyone is laughing at me.

I am sure it's getting worse - this didn't use to happen and I used to have some really great, close friends I could go out and enjoy myself with. Now if I go out, I just feel self conscious and nervous. When small things happen, like when I am looking for a lecture room and can't find it, I just feel like crying.

I know I am coming across really strange - the odd thing is no one who knew me would think I am like this. It seems like I come across as very confident and sure of myself, when actually I am constantly aware that I am probably embarrassing myself.

[James']

You actually wrote 874 words, that must be some kind of achievement.

[there's too much love]

Originally Posted by James'

You actually wrote 874 words, that must be some kind of achievement.

You clearly haven't been to university or...even done GCSE's if you think under 1K words is an acheivment.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by James'

You actually wrote 874 words, that must be some kind of achievement.

Thanks, that is very helpful

[Respect4Acting]

Originally Posted by James'

You actually wrote 874 words, that must be some kind of achievement.

personal statement, lol.

[there's too much love]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Sorry if this is a typical TSR thread, but mostly I just feel like I need to write this down somewhere.

I've just gone to uni. I really like the course and the uni is great, so from that perspective I am really enjoying myself. However, over the past year or so I have found myself going out less and less and less, and I was really hoping that here I would be able to make friends and go out - but I am just unable to do so.

I've come here with my boyfriend and we are very close, which is really great. I have great housemates, and I've met some really nice people on my courses, but I find it so hard to actually start a conversation with them, and I find myself dreading going out anywhere. I'm not a huge party-person, but I enjoy going out to pubs and such. During freshers I went to a few of the campus bars but they were always packed, and it seemed like everyone else had already made great friends, so it was difficult to just go up to people and start chatting.

During lectures and seminars I've met people and got talking, but always I feel really uncomfortable. I met a great girl and talked to her a little, then straight after when I walked away I suddenly got incredibly worried that she thought I was really boring, uninteresting and didn't want to talk to me. At the moment I even don't like just going to the shop or the laundry. I feel incredibly self conscious, like everyone is judging me. At the same time I know this is stupid, but I can't help it.

I get really worried about going out at any time. I feel terrible walking around on my own, but can't imagine just going up to someone and starting a conversation, even though in my mind I am sure everyone is really nice and friendly. I feel like I'm withdrawing further and further into myself. I get worried I will be in my housemates' way so I tend to just stay in my room, and go to the kitchen only when no one is there. I know this is stupid but I can't bring myself to go in in case they are annoyed by me.

Me and my boyfriend have gone into the city, gone to see films and gone for walks and such, but I really wanted to have other people I could go do stuff with. At the same time I am too 'scared' to try making friends because I feel like in comparison to others I am boring.

I've gone to a few drama society things and auditioned for a play. I was incredibly nervous and hugely stressed out like I always am for auditions, and did not get a part - though my boyfriend did. I am really happy for him and glad that he is going to be in it because the part is perfect for him, and yet there is some part of me that doesn't want to talk about it. I was sort of looking forward to being involved, I figured it would give me a chance to get to know other people and also have something to do in the evenings, and now it's sort of made it worse because he will be going off to rehearsals and I will have even less to do. I then feel really guilty for feeling like this.

I sort of want to still stay involved with the drama group, maybe doing costume or set design, but I know I am a huge perfectionist and would be so worried of disappointing people if I did something that was wrong or not good enough.

I know I should just 'go out and talk to people' but I am literally too nervous to do that. Sometimes when I am in a better/more confident mood I have found people I really get on with, but afterwards I always feel like I've done something wrong and everyone just thinks I'm an idiot.

I don't know how I feel anymore. At times I feel incredibly depressed and overwhelmed, like I just want to sit and do nothing or sleep or something. Other times I feel.. I don't know, really different, almost hyperactive, like I want to go out and do everything. The latter times happen less and less, and always afterwards I feel like I've made a fool of myself, like everyone is laughing at me.

I am sure it's getting worse - this didn't use to happen and I used to have some really great, close friends I could go out and enjoy myself with. Now if I go out, I just feel self conscious and nervous. When small things happen, like when I am looking for a lecture room and can't find it, I just feel like crying.

I know I am coming across really strange - the odd thing is no one who knew me would think I am like this. It seems like I come across as very confident and sure of myself, when actually I am constantly aware that I am probably embarrassing myself.

just read this properly.

Last year (I was a fresher) I was similar in some ways.
I found that I was constantly looking for validation in other people and I was very self conscious as a result.
I'm now no longer doing that, at least not as much. How much validation we do or don't need probably changes from person to person but I'm trying to cut town.
The irony is I'm at university to get good grades so that employers will want me .

That said I'm really enjoying my course so that makes up for it I suppose.
I find I often stressed out about a lot of little things.
"should I have said that one line was it too much oh ******* hell now he's going to think I'm weird".

I panic in a lot of social situations.

But now I'm far more relaxed. I can go out I can stay in,all I really have is my validation right now, that's all I need. Why should I give authority to other people?
How far I take that is another matter. For instance am I posting on forums in the search for some validation?

I guess it boils down to who do you want to give authority to with reguards to your emotions?

For me I was in first year ****** as I kept giving it to a manipulative girl who I was in an LDR with.
Unsuprisingly I felt **** a lot of the time because of doing that. But is she to blame? Not really it was all down to my decision to give her authority.

I hope that helps.
I guess the message is, who needs them .

[onthejubileeline]

I'm sorry to hear that things are getting you down so much at the moment, when the big things (like making friends) are getting to you, it can seem impossible not to let the little things get to you too.

I can completely relate to you on this, I've also just started University and am finding it very difficult to make friends; mostly because I always think that anyone I talk to would always rather be talking to someone else. It sounds to me like you're making a really good effort though, see if you can continue really putting yourself out there when going to lectures and seminars etc, but don't put a lot of pressure on yourself. Think about how you've made friends in the past; I'll bet it was when you weren't really trying hard to make friends. Usually making good friends develops over time, so just let things go naturally, and believe that things will get better. I'm sorry I can't give you any more concrete advice, however if you'd like someone to talk to who's in a very similar position, PM me