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How can you tell if a guy actually likes you or is only after one thing?

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I may not understand men, but I do understand girls who put out too soon and then wonder why the guy's legged it. Common sense really, imo.

Reply 41

Lil' Flo

what about dudes that wanted sex
and after getting it decided they wanted a relationship after all

Reply 42

h5656bh52ptecsw

Ilora-Danon

A very suitable phrase to bear in mind is 'nobody's gonna buy the cow if you're giving the milk for free'..

Apologies but I'm going to have to nick that: genius!

Reply 43

Anonymous #1

Ilora-Danon

Don't put out too soon. It's a fairly obvious thing to say, but so many girls don't quite understand the principle. A very suitable phrase to bear in mind is 'nobody's gonna buy the cow if you're giving the milk for free'.

Spend time getting to know the guy. Spend time together, do things. Learn about each other. Going on 3 dates n then having a shag is exactly what girls do, and that's why it ends up in tears.

I definately see what you mean, but the problem is that if you wait too long then the guy will probably end up leaving you even though he might have liked you and wanted a relationship with you. It's hard to find the perfect balance!

Reply 44

Libtolu

you can want sex without a relationship but at this age can you want a relationship without sex?

Reply 45

Ilora-Danon

Anonymous

I definitely see what you mean, but the problem is that if you wait too long then the guy will probably end up leaving you even though he might have liked you and wanted a relationship with you. It's hard to find the perfect balance!

The key is communication. People don't seem to know how to communicate properly these days. Everything's left unsaid.

Reply 46

ANM775

not that i have done this but if i was only after sex from a girl and no interest in dating her i think i would be looking to have sex quite quickly and would be actively pushing for it (in subtle ways)

i would not want to waste much money on her even if i was flush.

if it became obvious i was not going to get sex for a long time i would probably stop seeing her..

if i thought there was resonable hope, the amount of time i would stick around for would depend on 2 factors, the hotness of the girl, and how much effort i am having to put in, in other words is she high or low maintaince

if it was revealed that she was a virgin i'd find it very offputting as i would likely mean she wont have sex quickly

Reply 47

Girl Overboard

Ilora-Danon

Thats a bit patronising and judgemental. Not to mention game-playing, its like something you'd read in The Rules. And I completely hate the concept of The Rules: basically pretending to be someone you're not so you can get a guy.

If I want to have sex on the first date then I will. I'm not going to pretend to be some naive, innocent virgin. If a guy doesn't like me for who I am then I'm better off without him. Besides, don't you think its double standards if a guy dumps a girl because she puts out on the first date? I wouldn't want to be with someone as hypocritical and mysogynistic as that, so I'd prefer to find out what he's like sooner rather than later.

And BTW my longest and best relationship was with a guy who I slept with after meeting in a club whilst we were both very drunk. So how does that fit into your little rule on the subject?

Reply 48

py0alb

Ilora-Danon

I may not understand men, but I do understand girls who put out too soon and then wonder why the guy's legged it. Common sense really, imo.

I'm not picking on you, but this is complete crap. Guys are way more likely to get annoyed and fed up by a girl that plays games and doesn't appear to like sex. Hot sex = less likely he's going to disappear. This seems so obvious.

Guys go out with girls as long as they like them and like spending time with them. There are several things that a guy will look for; having great sex is one thing, not being able to hold up an interesting conversation is another. Would you suggest a girl acts stupid and boring in order to keep her guy? Because its a comparable idea.

Reply 49

mr-breaker

It's

because some women think that simply making a man wait an inordinate amount of time is gonna make him stick with you after sex.
It's :lol:

because because some women won't even think of pulling that crap on a guy that they TRULY desire.
It's :lol:

that some women think that a guy that will wait half a year for sex is better than a guy that won't. Even when, if you think about it logically, the opposite is almost always true.
It's :lol:

that some women are willing to play dumb games and use faulty logic to override their emotions/feelings/irrational fears in a situation like this.
It's :lol:

that some women are overvaluing pussy like tulips in 1636. It's also :lol:

that so many guys buy into this fallacy because they either just don't know women or are just plain scared!

Cliffnotes: :lol:

Reply 50

username196545

Guys always seem to want 'one thing', lulz... is my personality that repellent? :dontknow:

Reply 51

Advanced Subsidiary

Bubbles*de*Milo

Guys always seem to want 'one thing', lulz... is my personality that repellent?

Yes, yes it is.

Reply 52

py0alb

Bubbles*de*Milo

Guys always seem to want 'one thing', lulz... is my personality that repellent? :dontknow:

Generally when a girl comes away annoyed that a guy wanted "just one thing" there are two possible reasons:

He did, and he thought that was what you wanted to. He is genuinely surprised that you seem upset. He had fun, and he thought you did too.

He didn't, he was actually thinking about a relationship, and gave it a few weeks to see if it sparked, but wasn't convinced, and decided to break it off before anyone got hurt. In this situation, it is easier for a girl's ego to call him a sex obsessed bastard than to admit that maybe he tried his best to like her and failed.

Reply 53

brazilianrocker

Ilora-Danon

I'm going to have to take the unpopular position here and agree with Ilora-Danon, but qualify this position.

Yes, as some people mentioned, you can have sex with your soulmate on the first night only to realize that you two are soulmates, but that is not what she is disagreeing with. She is simply suggesting that if you pursue other meaningful activities with him and he seems responsive and interested, that he has a higher chance of being interested in a real relationship. Not that if you have sex on the first night its automatically a superficial relationship.

As a guy, I can tell you that it is difficult to judge the real suitors from the fake, as any guy with his wits about him will try to act as close to the real thing as possible to fool women into giving him what they want, but no one is perfect. Signs to look out for include not paying attention when youre talking and/or not seeming actively engaged in the conversation, general impatience around you and/or frustration when you suggest non-sexual activities (i.e. if he tenses up in an angry way when you ask if he wants to go rock climbing on saturday), doesnt "go the extra mile" to plan or participate in the aforementioned activities, and of course, pushiness for early intimacy without the prequisite emotional intimacy.

On this last point, I would also like to mention that imo the best way to avoid the emptiness of arbitrary sex is to make sure the sex (and this goes to a lesser extent for all forms of physical intimacy) youre having is a reflection of your emotional commitment to each other, as in, a physical expression of these emotions to the other person. Some would argue that this expression can be applied to intense lust upon meeting someone new, but that is a point of debate.

So to sum it up, I would advise you keep your physical intimacy in proportion to your emotional intimacy. If you simply like each other and feel a warm connection, kiss. If you feel a stronger connection and the beginnings of a commited relationship, do more. And only when you feel completely comfortable and truly passionate for that other person and they have demonstrated repeated willingness and eagerness to give you the emotional commitment you want, should you go all the way. If you think of your body as a sacred temple and only let in those of pure heart that are willing to treat it with the respect a temple deserves, you will never regret letting anyone in.

Youre not playing the 'waiting game" as some people have said, what youre doing is building an emotional bond first. To a genuinely interested guy, that will not be boring but very fulfilling, because that is what he was looking for in the first place.

It is not a perfect filter, but to find an ingenuine guy so intensely driven to have sex with you that he is able to fill every gap of ingenuine behavior with the apprearance of genuine interest and not slip up at all (in other words, be actively engaged in every conversation, go the extra mile to see you in non sexual situations, act convincingly like he is falling in love with you for an extended period of time and restrain himself from pushing for sex at all) is a feat of rarity the likes of which I have never witnessed. The sex drive in men is strong but its almost never that sophisticated, so there is little to fear if he seems to have all the right traits.

I hope I helped.

Reply 54

py0alb

brazilianrocker

.

As a guy, I can tell you that it is difficult to judge the real suitors from the fake, as any guy with his wits about him will try to act as close to the real thing as possible to fool women into giving him what they want,
.

What? speak for yourself buddy. Only a complete prick would act like that. Most men are not complete pricks.

Reply 55

brazilianrocker

py0alb

What? speak for yourself buddy. Only a complete prick would act like that. Most men are not complete pricks.

Are you saying that when a guy tries to trick a girl into having sex with him, he's usually honest with her about his intentions?

Because if he is honest about only wanting a strings-free sexual relationship then he is no longer a fake suitor, but a different type of real one.

Reply 56

py0alb

brazilianrocker

No, I'm saying most guys don't try to trick anyone at all.

Why would they need to? There are enough girls out there who are looking for strings-free sex. Why would they bother with a girl who clearly isn't? It's both a waste of their time and a cruel thing to do to a girl. I don't know any guys who would do this. Do you do this?

Reply 57

brazilianrocker

py0alb

Ok, then there was just a misunderstanding. I didn't say that most or even many guys try to trick girls. I was just giving advice on how to avoid the ones that do (and I do know many that do).

Reply 58

Yazmina

Lil' Flo

what about dudes that wanted sex
and after getting it decided they wanted a relationship after all

Omg that video is hilarious.. I thought it was an advert for the car... but it's for glasses!

Reply 59

C.C.G

There's 3 types of guys:
1. Guys that don't find you attractive, so don't want to **** you.
2. Guys that do find you attractive, and only want to **** you.
3. Guys that do find you attractive, like you, and want to **** you.

Girls often refrain from having sex straight away with Guy 2 to try and convert him into Guy 3. The end result is usually one of these:
1. It works.
2. Guy 2 gets fed up and moves on.
3. Guy 2 pretends to be Guy 3 then ***** you and moves on.