Discuss matters related to personal health and relationships in this forum. However, please keep it sensible and remember that people of all ages can view these forums. Remember, all advice is unprofessional.
Hey, this is my first post so don't be surprised if there are some errors.
I have been at this (unnamed) uni, and I have found it terribly hard to make freinds, or to feel comfortable with people, well at least with groups of people.
The problem is that I'am a quiet and shy person, and all I can see is that people are more aproachable than me, and I find that I have made no good freinds at uni, and I feel like a failure. Because of this I have questioned the integrity of my life, whether I have ever really had freinds, and whether I have something wrong with me. I have even came to the conclusion that I am an introvert, or that I have Social Anxiety Disorder.
I have tried to come out and socialise, but I just cannot relax with people I don't know, at first I couldn't sleep at all. Now I have a better bed, I sleep loads, for the past two days I have slept 20 hours, but that is after having intermitant sleep for a month.
I have went to societies, and in my determination to do something, I even attempted to join a football team, but I have serious problems with self confidence, and I ended up leaving before they finished.
I joined the Christian Union, but I ended up being distant and cold with people, because I cannot seem to relax when I'am around strangers or strike up conversation. What I end up doing is looking bored, worrying about myself, and worrying about what people are thinking of me, and whether they would even notice if i left and never came back.
Because I;am so insecure about myself, I have come to question if I really belong here, and whether I should go home. I guess I only really feel happy or relaxed if I'am around my family, and now that I live nearly 200 miles away, this is having a negative affect on me.
This is what I think, but I want peoples advice, naturally because I'am such an emoational or social recluse I haven't told anyone about this, so I want peoples opinions. Do you think that my self-assesment is correct? What do you suggest I do?
You're not the centre of the universe... People aren't going to be thinking about you all the time, or if you are as boring as your say they wont be thinking of you at all.
I think you are over-thinking it, you need to learn to relax around other people and learn NOT to care what others are thinking of you. I very much doubt that people think you boring or whatever if they don't know nothing about you. I think you should stick at the society you have joined and go back to the football team...I think this will help you make friends.
I think you are over-thinking it, you need to learn to relax around other people and learn NOT to care what others are thinking of you. I very much doubt that people think you boring or whatever if they don't know nothing about you. I think you should stick at the society you have joined and go back to the football team...I think this will help you make friends.
I seem to have a very strange habit of having days when I feel on top of the world, and other days when I just get up and can't be arsed with anything. This is what scares me.
OP, of course when first starting uni everyone's going to feel a bit lonely since your friendships aren't strong enough yet, no one has any good friends at this point! You'll make them and lose them as uni goes on. In life you'll have to be independent, and not just rely on friends and family. It's a shock, I went through the same thing.
I think the key is to try not to care what people think, to be yourself and just be as confident and friendly as possible. Why are you so nervous? Are you worried about saying or doing something that could be perceived as silly or embarrassing? Even if you do/say something silly, so what, that's you! And true friends will accept you for who you are. I always do silly things, and I'm a bit eccentric, and okay, a couple of people did think I was a bit weird but my true friends love me for my quirks and I only care about that.
It seems like you're in a real pickle with self confidence issues and I doubt us humble TSRians on a forum can really help you with that. I would definitely look into some kind of counselling or therapy, just someone professional to talk to who can help turn around your negative thinking processes, perhaps?
Okay right. 1st step - DON'T THINK!!!
Don't overthink things. I always think 'Are they looking at my messed up hair? Is this conversation going to get awkward?' And then it DOES because I miss what they are saying and haven't thought about what to say. Just go with it. They don't think you're boring if they don't know you! Stick to the societies! Good luck!
I was a bit like that last year, but now I don't give a **** tbh. Maybe that means I make less effort with people, but it also means I spend less time worrying about whether people like me or not.
You can either try to make a massive change, or just forget about it and be you.
I don't think anyone is actually a boring person. I've had decent conversations with supposedly boring people before and anyway my point is to just stay with the Christian Union and stuff (I'm not just saying this because I'm a member). You'll find them to be more approachable than most and you should make some good friends who you can meet up with and whatnot.
its actually sounds like your a little bit depressed.
your looking at this whole situation wrong, if people dont come up to talk to you then you talk to them.
if you keep evaluating situations the way you are then you may end up with a case of severe depression because your response to moving to this new uni is negative and it should be possitive
Well, calling yourself "tHEsTRANGeoNE" isn't going to help for starters. If you're waiting for people to approach you, why don't you approach them instead? That way you'll give off a far more confident and relaxed image, obviously don't do this to everyone and anyone, or it'll have the opposite effect. Have you told your family about this? Maybe what you need is some reassurance and guidance from a familiar voice. Whatever you do, don't ignore everyone and crawl into yourself because of your insecurities; no one wants to be friends with someone who looks like they want to be left alone.
I seem to have a very strange habit of having days when I feel on top of the world, and other days when I just get up and can't be arsed with anything. This is what scares me.
I wish, I wish, I wish i could just relax.
sorry i know ive just posted a comment but i didnt read this one....search bipolar depression it might help you understand this habit.
You're not the centre of the universe... People aren't going to be thinking about you all the time, or if you are as boring as your say they wont be thinking of you at all.
Hope this helps.
Of course it doesn't help you thick ****.
He doesn't want to be centre of the universe, just wants to fit in and make friends, and also ask peoples advice on whether he should stay or not. And then you come up with that **** post? It has no relevance to anything he said in his original post. ******* idiot.
I seem to have a very strange habit of having days when I feel on top of the world, and other days when I just get up and can't be arsed with anything. This is what scares me.
I wish, I wish, I wish i could just relax.
I think we all have days like that (well at least I do). This morning for example I was in tears and hating everything and then a couple of hours later I was grinning like a maniac...
Its all about how you think about yourself and your life. If you focus on the negatives that is how everything will seem. Just think of one thing you like about your life (there is honestly something) and work your way out.
You arent the only person like this! Just look at all the other threads, theres so many along the same lines. You can talk to people and make friends you just imagine its hard
I seem to have a very strange habit of having days when I feel on top of the world, and other days when I just get up and can't be arsed with anything. This is what scares me.
I wish, I wish, I wish i could just relax.
I'm exactly like you, but in college. I hope to change at uni.
As others have said - its really natural to find it hard in a new place with new people at first, especially for an introvert, or someone who's not the most comfortable in social situations..
ok now what to do about it! I think its a BRILLIANT idea joining societies! even if you dont stay till the end at first - its a brilliant start As others have said - a place like the Christian society may be more likely to be more accepting/ friendlier than some others (eg football) though - you never do know.. I think it's unrealistic to expect people to miss you if they dont yet know how wonderful you are (you havent given them the chance if you havent spoken to them yet!) But Stick to it - keep going! dont give up! and then they'll see how great you truly are! I think its awesomely brave of you to have made the effort to go already.
Next: forget about what you've been like in the past: it doesnt matter if you've had successful friendships before or not. Nothing's ever set in stone. Behaviours eg being quiet isnt who you are. And behaviours can change. What matters is what you do NOW. You can choose how you sculpt your life.
Next time you're in a society meeting/ class look around, see if there are a few people who look friendly - like you'd want to get to know them better. Try striking up some kind of conversation with them - try to get to know them better/ talk about something that interests you and go with it from there. I know you might not feel relaxed, and you might feel awkward - but just push past that - and make the effort - it'll become easier and easier the more you do it. Remember you have a choice here too - you might not like everyone you speak to: if they dont seem friendly- just move on to someone who is. Each time you go to a society meeting - you'll get to know the people a bit better - hopefully a few you'll like - maybe open up about yourself a little.. and go from there. Try not to think about what they think of you. Chances are - they can't form an opinion of you if they dont know you (worst they can think of you if you're quiet is: "hm he's a quiet one" which really isnt that bad right?).
Sorry this is a bit long: but take home message: Don't give up - put yourself out there and give people have the pleasure of getting to know you and eventually you'll find some people who will appreciate you for who you are, as your family do
Discuss matters related to personal health and relationships in this forum. However, please keep it sensible and remember that people of all ages can view these forums. Remember, all advice is unprofessional.
Useful Resources:
Am I an reclusive, depressive, boring person?
Good luck!
As others have said - a place like the Christian society may be more likely to be more accepting/ friendlier than some others (eg football) though - you never do know.. I think it's unrealistic to expect people to miss you if they dont yet know how wonderful you are (you havent given them the chance if you havent spoken to them yet!) But Stick to it - keep going! dont give up! and then they'll see how great you truly are! I think its awesomely brave of you to have made the effort to go already. 
