[Anonymous]

I'm an 18 year old straight female. I'm no model but I think I am ok looking and come across as a friendly enough person, if a bit shy.

The problem is I keep freaking out at the prospect of a romantic relationship. I have been asked out a few times and despite liking the guys I have just sabotaged their attempts to get close to me because I can't deal with the thought of being with someone like that. I have some good girl-friends who I am pretty close to, but I don't really share this kind of stuff with them. I am very independant as well and freak out at the thought of being controlled by my emotions, even good ones like love.

I've had some bad experiences in the past with guys trying to attack me and its made me horribly distrustful of men in general. If I am in a room alone with a guy, even one I know, I am on high alert because I almost always fear that I might get raped. In some ways I really want to get close to a guy, I would love a boyfriend but I freak out at the reality. The thought of a guy even holding my hand makes me tense up. Also, I just worry now about being so inexperienced! I have no idea what I am doing and I would just fear making a fool of myself by being a bad kisser or something.

Is it normal to be like this?

[Addzter]

Romantic relationships are fantastic. When you're in one you feel so complete and like you're on top of the world.

[sylv]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I'm an 18 year old straight female. I'm no model but I think I am ok looking and come across as a friendly enough person, if a bit shy.

The problem is I keep freaking out at the prospect of a romantic relationship. I have been asked out a few times and despite liking the guys I have just sabotaged their attempts to get close to me because I can't deal with the thought of being with someone like that. I have some good girl-friends who I am pretty close to, but I don't really share this kind of stuff with them. I am very independant as well and freak out at the thought of being controlled by my emotions, even good ones like love.

I've had some bad experiences in the past with guys trying to attack me and its made me horribly distrustful of men in general. If I am in a room alone with a guy, even one I know, I am on high alert because I almost always fear that I might get raped. In some ways I really want to get close to a guy, I would love a boyfriend but I freak out at the reality. The thought of a guy even holding my hand makes me tense up. Also, I just worry now about being so inexperienced! I have no idea what I am doing and I would just fear making a fool of myself by being a bad kisser or something.

Is it normal to be like this?

Well, you've identified the reasons why you hesitate to get into a relationship, now you must work on overcoming this insecurity and fear that you described. Perhaps you should try to speak to a counsellor about your experiences? Counselling can really help so much.

As for your insecurities regarding whether you're a good kisser or not - they're only natural, and after you've had your first experiences, you'll get better and feel more confident. Most importantly, try to overcome your feelings of 'being on high alert' when with a guy. Learn to trust, not everyone out there will hurt you. I hope it gets better for you and I would definitely suggest counselling, as it really does help x

[jkm91]

"Good" emotions are Good! yay!
you really should speak to someone, and when another of these guys come along, and claims to like you, if they do... they will understand and care, so dont hesitat. to be open with these feeling i know a few girls like that, in fact one of my recent ex was..

[this]

i used to be a bit like this. just relax and say yes to someone. surprise yourself!

[Anonymous]

I won't really have the chance to go to a counsellor as I will be spending the next 8 months or so in a non english speaking country as part of my gap year. I don't think I could talk to someone about this either - I'm the sort who always internalises my experinces and feelings. Many things I have admitted on here that I would never in real life.

[2kuayyaz]

Take it slow and start making some guy friends first, once ur confidence in us males is good, and you realise that not all of us are out to rape or attack girls then go for a relationship

[Sam o0o]

If you're happy being single or not being in serious relationships, go for it! I prefer it that way. Romantic relationships are overrated.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Sam o0o

If you're happy being single or not being in serious relationships, go for it! I prefer it that way. Romantic relationships are overrated.

Yes but in some ways I would like to be in a relationship. I'm just a bag full of problems, issues, and general weirdness. Its quite lonely being so isolated because you don't trust people.

I have some guy friends, not close ones especially, and I don't feel threatened by them. But thats like, what, five guys? The point is that I am automatically suspicious.

I often wish I was one of those carefree, happy-go-lucky type people. I really struggle to live for the moment as I am always thinking about the consequences of what I do.

[Sam o0o]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Yes but in some ways I would like to be in a relationship. I'm just a bag full of problems, issues, and general weirdness. Its quite lonely being so isolated because you don't trust people.

I have some guy friends, not close ones especially, and I don't feel threatened by them. But thats like, what, five guys? The point is that I am automatically suspicious.

I often wish I was one of those carefree, happy-go-lucky type people. I really struggle to live for the moment as I am always thinking about the consequences of what I do.

So it's not just relationships you're paranoid about? Personally I'm just avoiding closeness to anyone because I don't think it's worth the effort anymore, from past experience, but in everything else I'm fine and don't really think too far ahead (which isn't a good thing at all actually).

I do know how you feel about trust and stuff though, even though I'm a guy.. I never really opened up to anyone, but it's worked out fine because I can cope on my own, and still get on with people. It depends if you want this or to want to be able to rely on others more.

Sorry I just realised I didn't answer your question at all. PM me if you wanna talk some more, I have to go now.

[sylv]

I think you just need to learn how to trust people. Yes, you're then open to getting hurt or betrayed, but if you never trust anyone, you'll never give yourself the opportunity to experience something amazing.